Top 10 Animals That Don’t Have Asses

One of the largest, softest, most complex areas of the human body is the ass. That asses are both sexual and fecal seems vaguely confusing. One considers the dual nature of asses and thinks “Freud, did Freud write about this, seems like he didn’t, seems like maybe he didn’t.” Asses are actually pretty rare. They seem to manifest mostly on mammals with 4 limbs of a certain length. Studies have shown that the ass evolved from the tail.

I Have An Irrational Fear Of HIV

I get tested every three months not because I need to, but because I have a sick fear that is obviously rooted in some other mental disturbance. HIV just gets to be its face.

How I Met Your Mother Is Really the Anti-Friends

He falls in love with Robin at first sight, foolishly tells her so on their first date, and then makes the dumbest lovesick moves to get her. He’s neurotic, obsessive, nerdy, and a little more into her than she’s into him. So far, so Ross. But unlike Ross, who was genuinely nice to a fault, Ted can be such a douche bag.

You’re Not Straight. You’re Not Gay. You’re Not Bisexual Either.

It’s called the Flextuality test, and in a little under 15 minutes you can finally pinpoint your real sexual orientation once and for all. Take the test and you’ll see that there’s basically a range of twelve sexual types, starting with the “heteroflexibles” and the “supersexuals” ending with the last, very vanilla label of “straight.”

‘Network’ Or How TV Kills Everything

All I know is first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, “I’m a human being goddammit. My life has value.” So I want you to get up now. I want you to get out of your chairs and go to the window. Right now. I want you to go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell. I want you to yell, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”