It will be better.
I know how cliché, dumb and impossible that seems right now, but it will. Moving on will be slow, very painstakingly slow, and difficult, and agonizing, and awful beyond words. But one day you’ll wake up and you’ll be able to say, “Hey, remember that guy you thought you couldn’t live without? Look at you living and shit!“
Right now you feel despondent because so many years of your life was tethered to him. You feel lost because together you shared finances, an apartment, a Netflix account, holidays, celebrations, milestones, possible baby names, friends, laughter, and tears, so you don’t know how to go about since your future was planned around him. You feel fractured because you don’t know how to exist without him, because you don’t know who you are without him.
Right now you barely own anything. You’re stressed out because you can’t afford an accommodation by yourself so you’re forced to move in with your parents who you’re worried you’re disappointing. You’re unemployed and haven’t any idea how to start a new chapter, how to start “moving on” because you’ve been dependent on him.
Right now you’ve been so comfortable with the idea that you’d grow old together that him leaving has turned your world upside-down. What’s worse? He has a new girlfriend. You spent, what? 3 years of your life together and barely 3 weeks after he breaks up with you he’s in love again? He threw away everything you built, he threw away YOU, yet there he is parading his pleasures on Facebook.
Right now you feel as though you may want to kill yourself because it isn’t fair. He’s doing fine without you while you feel like you’re a loser. He’s happy whereas your heart feels so heavy and your hands don’t know what to do with all that weight.
And I get that. I get that it’s scary. I get that everything feels new, ugly, foreign, and strange, even your own skin.
You’re alone for the first time in what seems like forever.
But as I said – it’s only right now.
This pain is only right now. This hopelessness is only right now. This humiliation is only right now. And though “right now” may mean 6 months, or 1 year, or 2 years, it’s still temporary. It still has an end where you can also come out joyful, satisfied, and accomplished if you choose to be.
It may seem like everyone else – your friends, your coworkers, your relatives, your ex and his girlfriend – has their life in order and in schedule except you. This is an illusion. I promise you no one has their shit together. Not even your ex.
It may also seem as though you want to die and have nothing to live for. This is a lie. You were someone worthy of love and happiness before you met him, and you still are.
Grieve, weep, be angry. But no matter how you feel, at the end of the day –
Force yourself to take care of yourself.
There is no shame in self-care. Exercise, join a yoga club or gym, travel solo (be safe!), surround yourself with loved ones (you don’t need to do this alone), see a therapist (especially if you feel suicidal), learn a new hobby, etc. Keep busy and work on yourself until you no longer need his validation, until you no longer feel like self-harm is an option, until you no longer want to seek revenge.
And when in doubt always remember to respect the pace of your growth and not compare it to his or anyone else’s. Hang in there!
“Do not let his absence take away your magic.” – Sade Andria Zabala, WAR SONGS
It DOES get better. It will.