How I Overcame My Addiction To Falling For And Chasing After Damage Cases

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Blurry couple photo
Arnoldas Kubilius

Hi, my name is Sabrina and I’m a recovering Damage Case addict.

What’s that you ask?

OK let’s back up. I’m going to share a story, my favorite way to illustrate a point.

After a string of mediocre dates that made me want to give up dating forever, a friend set me up with a guy named Kevin. Other friends warned me about him. He can’t commit … get goes from one girl to the next … he has issues. Well, they just said the magic words right there. I was immediately intrigued.

We went out for drinks for our first date and I was smitten. Finally, an interesting guy who is cool and fun and who makes me laugh. For once, an introvert like me isn’t counting the minutes until I can escape and retreat back to the safe confines of my apartment. I actually didn’t want the date to end. Now, this was something new!

But all good things must come to an end and when it does, he asks when he can see me again. We make a date to have brunch the following Sunday and I float home on a cloud.

In the week between our dates, I felt a very familiar feeling. I should have seen the signs. I had been down this road one too many times before. But of course, I ignored what I didn’t want to see and kept right on going. There was nothing tangible, it was just a vague feeling of uncertainty. I just felt like he was in complete control like this was all very transitory. Even though my gut instincts are usually on point, I asked them to kindly shut up and pushed them to the side.

So we went out again and it was great, at least from my perspective. But he left me with no indication that I would ever be hearing from him again. It was just a quick, “That was fun, have a great rest of your Sunday, bye!”

The sinking feeling started right there, but I ignore it because self-deception is every girl’s toxic best friend when it comes to dating. 

Days go by and no word. And then out of the blue, he calls, yes calls. We talk for a little and all seems great, I can finally breathe easy again. And just as I’m getting excited for him to ask me out on another date, and thinking about what days I’m free this week, he says, “So I think you’re really great, but I just don’t think we would work out long term. I just thought the right thing to do would be to call, especially since we have so many friends in common and I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other around. And I hope we can be friends.”

And I’m dead. Frozen. Horrified. Aghast.

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