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10 Things Women Who Value Their Self-Worth Do Differently In Relationships

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Twenty20 / saritawalsh
Twenty20 / saritawalsh

Poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, what sabotages new relationships, and what causes us to feel so devastated and broken when a relationship ends.

Having high self-esteem doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship, but it does equip you with the skills to identify what you want and what you deserve to have, and the strength to walk away if something falls short. Here are ten things people with high self-esteem do differently in their relationships:

1. Confident women don’t analyze if he likes them – they assume he does.

People with high self-esteem believe they are worthy of love and don’t question how someone feels about them. They know that they are good, competent, and lovable and trust that the right person for them will see this. They don’t attach their worth to what a guy thinks and, as a result, don’t feel stressed and anxious when a guy’s feelings are unclear. Instead, they assume he likes them and are able to be present in the relationship and enjoy it without being weighed down by fears and doubts.

2. Confident people realize if a relationship falls apart it’s because it wasn’t right.

Not because they did something wrong.Not everyone is a match and sometimes, two people are just incompatible. This doesn’t make either of them flawed or bad – sometimes it’s just not there. Confident women don’t take it personally when a guy doesn’t want a romantic relationship. They realize that it must not be the right match and they move on, with their sense of self firmly intact.

When a girl is insecure, however, and a guy leaves, she spirals. She may obsess, analyze, and replay every interaction in an attempt to uncover what she did wrong. She may know on a conscious level that it simply wasn’t a match, but deep down she holds on to the destructive belief that she was the problem…and that she is unlovable and the guys she wants will never want her back.

3. Confident women set healthy boundaries.

Healthy personal boundaries and high self-esteem go hand in hand. Having strong boundaries means you prioritize your needs and your emotions and do not assume responsibility for someone else’s needs and emotions.

Confident women know what they will and will not accept and don’t allow themselves to be pressured or guilted into doing things they don’t want to do. They act in accordance with who they are and what they believe and don’t cater their behavior for a guy, or do things solely to keep him interested and happy. When you have weak boundaries, you may sell yourself out in a relationship and put up with treatment that you know is objectively unacceptable. Confident people don’t abandon parts of themselves in order to have a relationship. They bring their fully formed self into the relationship and if the guy wants something else, or something more, they leave.

A woman with healthy boundaries will not lose herself in a relationship, and will not allow her identity to be entirely contingent upon how he sees her. She will continue to maintain her own life outside of the relationship without giving up her friends, hobbies, or alone time. She won’t abandon important parts of herself or her life for the sake of the relationship and if a guy wants something else or something more than she’s willing to give, she’ll leave.

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    • http://savioni.wordpress.com Mario Savioni

      Although I am not a woman, I can relate to setting healthy boundaries. I have been hounded by people, who wanted my time, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do, so despite that they were visiting me from far away or that our mutual friend had died, I just had to stay away no matter how f-ed up that was. I just wanted my life back. In both cases, it was tantamount to female stalking. I told them “no” a thousand times.

      This issue applies to both sexes. More than this, as people we have to start paying more attention to ourselves. We have a responsibility to get and do exactly what we want and I only mean this as it concerns our true passions. If our passions are a bit out of sink with what society values, as with doctors, engineers, lawyers and the like and say was are poets, for example, we have to own up and get jobs that support our true loves and fulfill our dreams: William Carlos Williams was a doctor while writing when he wasn’t working. If we still don’t know what we want, there are hints in everything we do. Do each one as it makes itself known.

      It took me 56 years to finally narrow my loves down to two things, writing and philosophy, and maybe law. I was stumbling in the background for too long trying to decide. I have to do both and you have to do everything that burns inside of you because that is who you are and why you are here.

      For women and men, stop thinking that you have to have children before your clock stops ticking or maybe that’s what you are here for, but imagine taking a couple generations off. Our world doesn’t need another child. We’ve got plenty. We need to stop passing our ambitions off to our children. They’ve got their own purpose. We are supposed to fulfill ours. Until you have arrived and you are certain and financially secure in that arrival, keep living for you. When you are happy, it it contagious. It sets the tone for the rest of us.

      My sister and I were raised by a single mother, who inevitably had to give up her career. She could never go back because the field had changed. She was lucky and made it through the morass of having no marketable skills and my father, who died having left her enough to live on until she got married again. My sister and I got money until we were 21. How many of you have that? Life is tough. Secure your life before you can help others. Draw lots of lines.

      Women stop thinking a man is going to help you. The rich-poor gap is so wide almost everyone is falling through the crack. No one is safe. My mother, as I said, came up empty as time went on. She never built her social security because it is based on taxes from wages. You have to work to get it and you have to work your entire life. We still have social security. Imagine how fragile it is? It is only one Republican president away from potential dismantling. They want to take that money and play the stock market and guess who is going to benefit?! Not you.

      For gosh sake start to value yourself. It is your life. Stop letting other people live it for you, otherwise you are going to die with profound regret and you are going to be bitter. We don’t need anymore bitterness. Take responsibility!

    • http://mentalnote8.wordpress.com mentalnote8

      Oh my, this touches my soul. I’m trying so hard to strengthen my self worth and re-frame my existence. Life’s choices are forever agonizing and always worth the fight.

      Happily
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