This film is basically gayer than gay porn. Between the violent and spastic dancing, campy one-liners and utterly bizarre fixation on dog food, it takes the cake as being the ultimate cinematic gift from the gay gods. If your gay friend hasn’t seen it yet, chances are they aren’t even completely gay yet. Best line in the movie is undoubtedly: “Everybody got AIDS and shit.”
Don’t even think about getting your gay BFF a first-edition copy of Eat, Pray, Love or Twilight. Just because someone is a homo doesn’t mean they have the same tastes as a pre-teen or a soccer mom! Instead, why don’t you gift them with a real slice of gay literary history? Tim Dlugos was a major poet in the ’70s and ’80s whose life ultimately succumbed to AIDS. However, in the brief time he was here on Earth, he produced a bunch of beautiful work about what it was like to be gay and young and in love and lonely and heartbroken. Reading his poems transports you to a radically different time while also reminding you that themes of alienation and loneliness never lose their resonance.
Live Through This by Hole
It’s no secret that gay men worship Courtney Love but I think people often forget that it all began with the seminal ’90s rock record, Live Through This. Released days after Kurt’s suicide, the album shows a woman on the warpath, ripping through twelve rage-filled songs of quintessential grunge. I remember first hearing this in the sixth grade and intensely relating to the anger and heartache in Courtney Love’s voice. When I went away to college, I was surprised to learn that it was an important record for many other gay men as well. So there you have it. Do your gay dude a favor by introducing him to this gem.
Made by the same editors of the life-altering Butt magazine, Fantastic Man is a gorgeously realized men’s fashion mag that has plenty of pictures of hot dudes wearing hot clothes. And if you’re feeling extra generous this holiday season, head on over to eBay afterwards and buy your rainbow-waving chum some old issues of the Abercrombie and Fitch Quarterly. Remember those? They eventually got banned because A&F realized that having Bruce Weber shoot photos of naked men running around in the forest and twins on the verge of making out with each other was, well, an odd thing to do for a store that was targeted at pre-teens.
While your gay best friend may not go so far as to spoon with his candles and tell them loving bedtime stories like I do, I’d wager to guess that he still likes his apartment to smell nice. Enter the holy candle known as Fig by Diptyque. It smells amazing, like a masculine woodsman making a fire right before he leaves to have hot, hot sex with you, and I have yet to find a gay man who hasn’t been brought happiness by it.
I wouldn’t kick this gift out of bed.
Other viable gift options: a gift certificate to their local neighborhood drug dealer, condoms, a body pillow to replace the boyfriend they don’t have, worldwide acceptance of homosexuality, and, of course, a blowjob.