5 Things That Smell Amazing And Will Make Lots Of People Want To Have Sex With You

Okay, I don’t know if this is just me getting older or whatever, but lately I’ve become obsessed with making my home and body smell amazing. Like I want to walk into my apartment and be in awe of the wondrous smells that are wafting through the hallway. “Who is this person who has made such an elegant and chic smelling home for themselves?! They must be really stable and have it together!” In the past six months, any spare cash I’ve had has gone straight to buying candles and various perfumes and colognes, and I think I’ve finally succeeded in creating a utopia of smells. My friends now come over and feel like worthless screw ups because I’ve made such a warm and cozy smelling apartment while theirs still smells like last night’s party. Suckers!

I want to impart my newfound wisdom to all of the readers who want their apartment to stop smelling like One Night Stand and Regret. Listen carefully, grasshoppers.

1. Nag Champa Incense

Stop laughing. No, seriously, stop and just listen to me for a second. When mixed with other scents (fig for example), Nag Champa really comes to life. I personally love it by itself but that’s because I’m a wannabe stoner freak who likes to hang Jefferson Airplane posters on my wall and wear outfits that are exclusively tie dye. Nag Champa has a bad rep and deservedly so—it reminds you of your loser stoner boyfriend in college and watching Family Guy with the sound off—but I encourage you to revisit it and try to use it as an accent. Combine it with other smells and see what you get. It might just become your guilty pleasure. If you’re that ashamed, just hide the incense burner and tell your friends it’s a scent from your local organic co-op.

2. Baltic Amber by Voluspa

Baltic Amber is like Nag Champa but with a job and an Anthropologie wardrobe. It’s an amazing candle that has notes of Amber, sandalwood, vanilla, and cedar. It’s only like twenty bucks and it burns forever. I used to burn this stuff 24/7 and it made me feel like a grown up who was going places! It’s also sort of sexy so feel free to burn it when someone cute is coming over. I don’t know about you but I’ve been persuaded to sleep with someone based on how their apartment smelled. What?

3. Media Room by Lafco

I need to have a moment with this one because it’s pretty major. So Lafco is a total rich person candle company. Their stuff retails for 55 dollars a candle (LOL) and each one is named after a superfluous room in a mansion. Sample ones include ski house (???), poolhouse, library, and, my personal favorite, media room. I ask for this candle for christmas, and then I burn it sparingly, treating it like it’s a rare diamond. I understand that 55 dollars is an insane amount to charge for a candle, but they’re the only thing I care about these days. I’m single, don’t have a pet and work nonstop—just give me this one pleasure.

4. Tuscan Leather by Tom Ford

Tuscan Leather is a men’s cologne that legit smells like cocaine. Just Google it and you’ll see tons of articles that say, “Tom Ford’s New Scent = Cocaine?!” His rep denies the similarity and is all, “Oh my god, no, it smells like leather!” but no one’s buying it. Tom Ford clearly went on a bender and then bottled that bender to sell it for $200 a pop, which is actually cheaper than a coke habit so whatever. As it turns out, the scent actually smells great. Besides reminding you of clenched jaws and pointless conversations, it’s evocative of musky masculinity and sexy dirtiness. Buy this instead of doing coke. It’s better for you and humanity.

5. Chinatown by Bond No. 9

Chinatown and I met under less than ideal circumstances. Last year, I accompanied my best friend to Saks so she could buy the fragrance. The price is truly frightening (something like $200 for 50ml) but I was content to live vicariously through my friend’s spending spree. Things suddenly took a #dark turn, however, when the saleslady asked my friend how far along she was. “ARE YOU PREGNANT?” The room went still for a second as we both let the words sink in and then my friend responded, “Um, I’m not pregnant.” My friend’s body is a Latin sensation—very On The 6 by Jennifer Lopez—but she, in no way, resembles a pregnant lady. Isn’t it common knowledge that you never ask a lady if she’s pregnant? I don’t care if she’s actually eight months along and looking ready to pop, it could be some weird tumor in her belly, so you’re not allowed to say anything. Anyway, the woman felt so guilty that she threw in a thousand samples of the perfume. I have since guarded those samples with my life and only spritz it in my room when I want to feel like a 60-year-old rich woman with crushed dreams. The scent is truly dazzling. It smells a little bit like old lady at first but then it transforms into some spicy and floral aroma that smells like a mixture of patchouli and cinnamon. Since the scent is so feminine, I can only don it when I’m walking around my apartment in an Erykah Badu headwrap but maybe one day I will gather the courage to walk outside my door with it on.TC mark

image – ©iStockphoto.com, Damir Cudic

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • BAM!!

    Since the scent is so feminine, I can only don it when I’m walking around my apartment in an Erykah Badu headwrap but maybe one day I will gather the courage to walk outside my door with it on.
    lmao i totally pictured this and started cracking up.

    BTW i think that getting older does have something to do with wanting your place to smell good. I dunno theres something about burning candles and incense thats so “look at me I’m so mature and delicious smelling now !!! “

  • Anonymous

    6. Jack Cazir – smells good as fuck, deal with it

    • Anonymous

      (by that I mean Creed – Green Irish Tweed, or possibly Island Water mixed with a dash of Aventus. )

      • Anonymous

        (Santal Imperial is also great for summer nights: spicy and warm but not overwhelming)

        fuck the haters lets turn this page into Basenotes.net

  • http://twitter.com/gcarlodirezz Giancarlo Di Rezze

    You are hilarious. I thoroughly enjoyed every sentence of this.

  • AJ

    The headwrap/Erykah Badu=so great. Not that I have ever put a t-shirt around my head and pranced around my apt pretending im Little Edie. Never done that….

  • Jay Vice

    I’d rather buy coke

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    NAG CHAMPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It’s my favorite incense!

  • Mashka

    Ha this may be my fave article of yours thus far. I personally swear by Armani Code- makes everyone wanna bone me when I wear it. Actually I get hit on more by girls than guys when I put it on but whatev

  • http://www.facebook.com/jesperdahl Jesper Dahl

    I have some suggestions:
    1. Pair Royall Muske with another scent, e.g. the unisex Les Nuits d’Hadrien by Annick Goutal.2. CdG’s 8883. Anything by the best nez in the world; Francis Kurkdjian. (Hint; you can get them at Bergdorf Goodman).

  • ASRAD123

    I’m going to go out and buy a new candle today.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    All amazing. When you talk about pairing the NC with fig, are we talking a candle or another stick of incense? Teach me your ways, oh Scented Guru.

  • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

    Nag, brah, always Nag. I light it everywhere, it is the king beast of all incense.

    • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

      and i resent this nonsense about it being overrated and stonery. fuck the haters.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

    OMGASH, so my sister’s teacher handed out this essay to her students and it was “The Definition of Feminism” by Ryan O’Connell. Whoa! Turns out my sister’s friend is obsessed with feminism (+ Thought Catalog, I guess) and suggested your article to her teacher. We’re in Saudi Arabia by the way, so maybe your writing will have something to do with women’s rights here. Maybe not but kewl huh?

  • http://fuckingbigthoughts.blogspot.com/ Andrewworthington

    Thanks, Ryan.  This was informative and could be used productively in my personal life, in some/many respects.

  • candlesarexpensive

    omg i totes needed this!  archipelago has great candles too but they are like $20.  is that just too absurd to spend on a  great candle with 60+hrs of burn? ryan, please tell me what to do?

  • Your Friend

    I loved this.

  • dip

    My dorm-room always reeks of nag champa.

    …sexy

  • Mage

    I take back anything mean I may have said to you. You’re cool.

  • bopbah

    lol at the title. Do update if this helps break your dry spell. ;)

  • M+M

    I decided to buy a Voluspa Baltic Amber candle because of Ryan’s recommendation. Because of how great my apartment now smells, I’m continually being persuaded to have sex with myself.

  • http://twitter.com/kaimcn Kai

    I love Nag and because I’m cheap, Tobacco Flower essential oil from The Body Shop.
    Soft and sexy.

  • Rebekah

    I lost it when I got to the Tom Ford part…but seriously I know exactly how you feel. I just spent a whole bunch of money on candles for my new apartment. I haven’t quite matured to the $55 candle yet but, hey, baby steps right?

  • Bex

    I seriously think you might have had the same boyfriend I did – ah nag champa and Family Guy … memories. I was looking for an article on whether there are certain smells that people subconciously like, apparently if a person has a faint lemony citrus smell people like that.

  • ELOISE

    Paddywax Cardamom & Vetiver for the holidays. Festive but not obnoxiously so. 

  • Ian

    lol i loved this and i want to try each of these scents. and the sales clerk encounter sounds hilarious!!

    thanks :)

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/5-things-that-will-make-you-smell-even-more-amazing-and-get-you-laid/ 5 Things That Will Make You Smell Even More Amazing And Get You Laid! | Thought Catalog

    […] to be obsessed with perfumes and candles. Don’t you know this already though, dear reader?! I wrote about it last year around this time exactly! But I figured an update was in order. In the past 365 […]

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