Top Ten Celebrity Excuses for Acting Completely Bat Shit Insane

The only thing celebrities love more than themselves is lying. Exhaustion, asthma attacks, allergic reactions: These are the official reasons why celebrities do such nutty things but we know the truth. “Asthma” is usually code for coke binge, and “allergic reaction” typically means overdose.  Here are the top ten excuses celebrities have made, translated into cold harsh reality.

1. “I’m afraid of needles!”

Liar: Mischa Barton

Bullshit Meter: 9

Remember when Mischa Barton was placed under a 51/50 and spent two weeks in a mental hospital last year? Now, she’s telling everyone that it all stemmed from having her wisdom teeth removed. She explains, “I’d had enough (of the pain) and I went to the hospital. I am terrified of needles and they wanted to pump me full of drugs and I said, “No, absolutely not. I don’t want to be here,” and got into a fight with the nurses, and that led to my 5150.’ Okay, Mischa. No one’s going to believe that you’re afraid of needles because you look like Amy Winehouse’s wacky cousin. Also, it’s hard to believe that someone could be placed under a 51/50 for simply arguing with a nurse. Liar, Liar, skinny jeans on fire!

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Jtprius510

    I like Eddie Murphy's story.

    • http://www.facebook.com/wingedthing Leigh Alexander

      feel like i totes believe it, like, the nutty professor would NOT do a thing like that.

  • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ hbgwhem.tumblr.com

    a page per excuse? someone's been reading USmagazine.commmm

  • jordanobscura

    What is this? Huffpo? Took an additional 3 minutes to read thanks to switching pages. Nice article though (I totally believe Eddie Murphy)

    • jmoney

      Call me naive, but so do I.

  • Truman

    Oh my god.

    I can't stop laughing.

    AMAZING.

  • Molly Oswaks

    You missed perhaps the greatest celeb excuse to date: Tatum O'Neal excused her widely publicized 2008 crack cocaine purchase, saying “I lost my Scottish terrier, Lena. That seemed to set me off.”

    9.

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