Drugs I Will Never Try

Drugs are fun. Drugs are crazy. Drugs are life-ruining nightmares. Drugs are drugs. Like any self-respecting middle-class white boy, I’ve tried my fair share of them. I’ve snorted, swallowed, inhaled. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve almost died (Not really, Mom.) Done in moderation, drugs have their rightful place in the world. They enhance experiences and make for a good story when you’re 35 and paying taxes and only smoke the occasional joint. There are certain drugs, however, that don’t belong anywhere near me. These drugs terrify me and contradict my very being. These are it.


The Kind of Person Who Does Them: Bearded men who believe in conspiracy theories. Earthy chicks who buy organic and have an appetite for enlightenment.

Why I’ll Never Do It: Of my group of friends, I’m probably the only person who hasn’t tried ‘shrooms. I haven’t ingested fungi, danced in a meadow in Santa Cruz and felt like the sun was speaking to me. My main beef with ‘shrooms is the whole “hallucination” thing. Call me cray cray but I don’t think it’s fun to see things that aren’t actually there. I have trouble seeing real people like Heidi and Spencer Pratt without having a nervous breakdown so I doubt seeing the wall move and turn into different shapes would be fun for me. I’ve also heard about people having bad trips and feeling like they’re being dragged to Hell. No, thanks. I’ve been to Hell and its called Christmas with my family. I have no desire to go there twice a year.


Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

More From Thought Catalog

  • Eric

    basically not what any of these drugs do

  • http://kilakilakila.blogspot.com brittany

    this article sucks

    crack is on here but not coke?
    seems racist…

    • Ryan O'Connell

      coke isn't on here because i've already tried it. xoxo.

      • brittany

        you, me, and every white person we know

      • Xavier

        this list is cool. racists are uncool.

  • http://twitter.com/srslydrew Drew Farr

    Interesting lack of pharmaceuticals/legitimate reasons on this list.

    But that might just be the acid juices left over in my spinal fluid talking.

  • http://twitter.com/Erikhaspresence Erik Stinson

    i thought the last one might be 'starburst' or 'baked goods'

  • ey

    After reading this complete bullshit, i know now to stay away from 'Ryan O Connell'

    • Xavier

      That was mean.

  • Mike

    So, you've done weed, coke, and prescription shit? Cool story, bro.

    • A.

      Just like every other middle-class white kid in SoCal..

  • Dan

    What a narrow-minded attempt at humor.

  • http://twitter.com/AngeLOLZ Angela Luffman


  • Marmaduke

    Lol yeah, player: “you see shit that isn't there” is really what mushrooms/acid do.

    I came in wanting to like the article too. And i mean obviously you're right about a few things but duuuuh. Maybe later i will C/P sentences I didn't like here

    • Marmaduke

      Page 3 was a far cry from even being “heh” worthy

      Otherwise, I would be like, “Hi, what’s up? Get into my bloodstream!” in a heartbeat. tee hee

      “from northern california” clipped on, pg 2 was an early red flag

      I mean Im sure this isn't intended to be your magnum opus but is this really text you want to publsh under your name?

      Good luck with your writing

  • psh...

    ….this article was about as well written as a dr. Seuss book for dumbshits.

    nice try though bro, baby steps amiright? ;)

  • http://twitter.com/derpcircus miles barney

    Your ideas feel shallow and barely thought out. I'm not trying to say that your opinions are invalid, but the article is not revealing or very authentic. I'm sure you aren't a poor writer, but rather you should have more informed opinions to write about.

    • Xavier

      You are not cool.

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    Aggressive ass comments section. Drug fucked bros probz eh.

  • http://twitter.com/t_baugh Travis Baugh

    do you want to try pcp

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      do you have pcp

      binky.tabby [at] gmail.com

      • http://clarifiedconfusion.blogspot.com aaron nicholas


    • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

      do you have pcp????!?!!?!?!!??!!??!!?!?!!?!!?


      • http://twitter.com/t_baugh Travis Baugh

        not atm

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        have sincere interested in purchasing, when/if you ever have it

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    you and me sunday driving not arriving on our way back home

  • http://www.facebook.com/noahtourjee Noah Tourjee

    Best one yet buddy, keep up the good work! Oh but @ PSH… I don't really think that your comment made sense because Dr.Seuss books are very lyrical and meant for children! This article is clearly meant for adults, not kids- AT LEAST NOT MY KIDS! So they really can't be compared you know?

  • Keepitunderground

    Um…I don't believe that you haven't smoked cigarettes because any who's tried coke has definitely smoked cigarettes. And lets be real, ecstasy is fun. Pop some molly, blast some Tiesto, and you'll have a grand ole time.

  • http://twitter.com/DMULLOL devin


  • http://katehh.wordpress.com/ Kate

    the attitude on cigarettes is very california–here, smokers (of tobacco) are actively looked down upon by just about everyone

  • asdfghjkl;

    Curiosity may have killed the cat, but what are you gonna do… not ever know?

  • daytripper

    saliva, best drug ever. realllly weird. like the cracked out version of weed.

  • Space Wasp

    you’re a fucking idiot and have such an ignorant, convoluted view of acid.  its not poison; it merely unlocks parts of your brain that aren’t usually active on a conscious level.

  • Space Wasp

    also, stop being such a pussy pill-popping faggot and eat some ecstasy already

  • K Parker

    Wow, I can’t believe how far off you are, so narrow minded. Must be the scripts and coke eh? At no point in your rambling, incoherent article were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought… Everyone on this page is now dumber for having read this, I award you no points and may god have mercy on your soul. This was a terrible article. Dick.

  • Udontknowjack838

    your opinions are fucking biased and stupid. basically it seems like you won’t take any drugs. fuck yourself you stupid aging hipster piece of shit. why don’t you try something before you bash it douchebag. your friends did this and that’s a fact then eh? learn from experience, not what you’ve been  told. i stumbled upon this and i made sure to give it the thumbs down. have fun doing the few drugs you didn’t list, you might as well be sober as a judge. idiot. most garbage post on a website i’ve ever read

  • Jordyman224

    If you have never tried it or never will… how can you possibly say what it is? like when you said it’s just your mind doing cartwheels and what not? what if it really does put the things we see, say, and feel into a different perspective which in turns broadens your view on the world? I have never tried acid or shrooms, but i know people who have done it and they honestly think clearer after and make more sense when they explain these things sober. They may not make much sense when they are high but they are just making the different connections that affect their view on the world which they can recall and then make sense of them when they are sober…. just sayin’. dont state an opinion on how bad it is if you’ve never tried it. As long as the drug is’nt life altering like cocaine and heroine… why not try it?

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