If I’m being honest I was the one who wasn’t ready and for the first time I’m proud of myself for it. I’m proud to admit I wasn’t ready for another flakey person or another half-hearted relationship. I wasn’t ready for another uncertain outcome. I wasn’t ready for low investment or low vibration or unmatched effort and excitement. I wasn’t ready for lame excuses and mixed signals. I wasn’t ready for another person to waste my time.
If I’m being honest I was the one who was unavailable; unavailable to unanswered calls or texts, unavailable to mind games and manipulation, unavailable to people who are still hung up on their past and unavailable to people who hold back when it comes to their emotions and their love for me. Unavailable because I’ve been available to these patterns before and all I got was more of them. I learned that people take you for granted when you compromise a lot, when you make it the norm. They think the norm is that you will bend so the relationship doesn’t break but it’s never too late to raise the bar.
If I’m being honest I was the one who stopped investing. I stopped trying for people who do so little. I stopped showing my best to people who show me their worst. I now match people’s energy. I now treat them the way they treat me. I now withdraw my share when the stakes are low. I now cut things off when people hand me the scissors. I now drop people off because I’m not afraid to drive alone. I don’t try to compete with anyone anymore because I am no longer interested in the game. I’m no longer interested in winning or losing.
If I’m being honest I was the one who left because I wasn’t ready to ignore the red flags again. I wasn’t ready to hurt myself again. I wasn’t ready to diminish my self-worth for someone who doesn’t deserve it. I wasn’t ready to love again and get heartbroken. I wasn’t ready to go through the same old cycle that I know too well. I wasn’t ready and for the first time, I’m glad I wasn’t because you attract what you’re ready for and I’m ready for so much more. So much more than bits and pieces. So much more than what I got used to. So much more than mediocrity and indifference. So much more than someone who is not all in.