Sometimes, it’s hard to know what will work until you start dating. You just have to grow together to see if you still want to do that. However, there are other times when you absolutely need to just cut the cord — and quick. Here are 45 ways you can know if he needs to go.
1. He Always Pushes Your Boundaries
If he doesn’t understand what “no” means today, he is going to magically learn it tomorrow. He may “jokingly” or “innocently” push your envelope, but please understand that you are the one placing those adjectives there. He may very well know what he is doing and mean it. Believe him when he doesn’t respect you and your boundaries, and then respect yourself enough to run like hell.
2. You Don’t Feel Safe To Share
If every time you tell this guy a secret, it ends up on a tabloid…it may be time to stop telling him things. If he cannot respect what you tell him in confidence, do not excuse that. You should be able to place your trust him and if you can’t, trust that and cut him loose.
3. Unstable Reactions
If he goes from hot to cold at the drop of a dime and you never know what kind of a reaction you are going to get, then maybe it’s time to stop waiting to find out. You should be able to know that you can discuss things and not risk him yelling or shutting you out.
4. He Pushes And Pulls
Some days, you feel so close to him that you can hardly believe it and just when you start to get comfortable, he vanishes. He stops answering messages, sends your calls to voicemail, makes you wonder. If you can’t count on him, stop counting on him. You know by now that when it’s good, it’s great and when it’s bad, it’s awful.
5. Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire
You can count the amount of times that he has been fully honest with you on your hands. He is usually vague and hard to understand. He really sucks at telling the truth and hates it even more when you catch him in his lies.
6. Too Close, Too Soon
If you just met this guy and he is acting like you have been best friends since birth and is working to make himself a center point of every aspect of your life…beware. He should honor the fact that you had a life before him and it’s still there. There is something to be said about slow and steadily earning the rights to enter certain aspects of your life.
7. Rude Boy
If he is super sweet to you at times, but consistently rude to everyone around you….do not turn a blind eye to that in any way. First of all, he should be kind to you. But even if he was always kind to you and never kind to people around you, you would benefit to understand that he is displaying elements of his character that you do not need to be ignoring.
8. He Tries To Change You
If he has make-up suggestions, clothing tips, ideas on new perfume, etc. for you and is constantly letting you know all of the ways that you would be better then you need to stop and reconsider. If he sounds like he wants to make you another person, then he probably needs to date another person.
9. Give Me, Give Me
Habits don’t change overnight. If he is selfish and cannot share, he will not start thinking of your needs now. If he cannot start thinking about other people until he has fully thought of himself and satisfied his needs, and by then he’s usually out of energy and can’t help others. Anyone with a “take it all” mentality, cannot be trusted to share at all.
10. Blame It On Anything But Him
If he is never at fault, then you get to look forward to carrying the rest of the blame that he won’t carry. When you point out where he could have done something differently, he gets defensive and upset. He yells at you and can’t be reasoned with.
11. No One In Your Life Likes Him
People who know you and people who don’t tell you that they think you can do better. If you cannot even think of one person who sees the two of you being together as a healthy thing, then you should probably listen to why they are all saying it. Maybe they see something that you cannot.
12. He Disappears For Long Stretches Of Time
How he goes from being everywhere you are to nowhere in sight within a week is something worth paying attention to. If he is hot and cold in attendance, and selfishly decides what he will and won’t be present for then you need to stop raising your expectations of him and let yourself see him to the door.
13. Manipulator Is His Middle Name
He. Gets. Away. With. Murder. But only because people keep letting him. He is a firm believer that things have to be done his way. Always. If it doesn’t go his way, then he tries to change the game to favor his motives or he isn’t playing. If he is always changing the rules, manipulating the situation, and is not fair– do not ignore.
14. He Hates Your Friends And Never Wants To Meet Your Family
Since you have been talking to this guy, you can’t remember the last time you guys have hung out with anyone in your community. If he dislikes your friends, refuses to be a part of the moments of your life that matter to you, and tries to separate you from your family, then beware.
15. It Never Feels Right– Trust Your Gut
If every time that you are together, you feel a little queasy and uneasy, then you need to listen to that. Sometimes, your body just knows.
16. He Is Always Pushing The Relationship Faster Than It’s Going
Speedracer should have been his middle name. If this guy fails to understand what process means and is trying to make you both feel and experience things that you don’t yet then you need reconsider putting the brakes on for good.
17. He Places You On An Impossibly High Pedestal
If he cannot see you a human being and believes your to be infallible, beware for when he catches you being “just a person”. A guy like this will be unreasonable disappointed and won’t be prepared to process your shortcomings.
18. He Sees You As A Project
Inversely, if all he wants to do is fix you…that’s no good either. You are not a project. You are a person. He needs to see that or you need to stop seeing him.
19. He Wants Too Much Or Too Little Sex
If this guy only ever wants sex when you don’t or never wants it when you do…I’m going to go on a limb and say there is some incompatibility there. If he ever tries to make you want it when you don’t…that’s a waving red flag.
20. Eye Rolling And Clogged Ears Syndrome
If he is always rolling it eyes at the things you think and say, and never hears what you are saying…that is not a good thing. A guy who cares about you will listen to you with his eyes and ears (except when driving..or something like that). Don’t let him ignore you, let him go.
21. All Of His Exes Are “Insane”
If every girl that he has ever dated is described as being insane then either his radar is way off or he is waving a red flag in plain sight. Here’s a hint: you may be the next psycho he rants about to someone else.
22. he always calls Names
If he has a tendency to call people names when he fights with them, just know that it’s only a matter of time before he starts calling you names too. I wouldn’t advise sticking around for the show.
23. He Is Lazy And Justified
You can give a guy a lot of things, but motivation is not one. If he is not self-motivated and cannot accept the reality that people generally get what they work for, then you have a decision to make. A lazy man won’t be cute for long.
24. He Is Cruel To His Family
If he calls his mom names, stands his siblings up, talks bad about his family, and betrays people who are closest to him…then he has some more things to work on before you give him any more of your time. If his family is not safe with him, you won’t be either.
25. Mood Swingerrrrr
Swings are great for swinging, but constant mood swings are not something you have to entertain constantly. They also are not the safest thing to be too close to. He may struggle with a lot of intense feelings on the inside but you are not his psychologists and you need to understand that sometimes the safest place you can be from a destructive mood swinger is away.
26. He Tries To Change Your Sleep Pattern
This one never seems to matter until your job and social lives are affected. If he is a morning person and you come alive at night or vice versa, it may be tricky to strike a balance at life together. That’s hard on its own. However, if he takes it a step further and tries to make you adjust to his internal clock and he disregards yours, that is unhealthy.
27. He’s A Cheater
The issue with him being a cheater is that his perspective is bent to favor shortcuts. If he likes to cross diagonally always, chances are he is not a fan of playing fair. If he can’t keep his eyes or hands on just you and you can’t trust him because he has a tendency of betraying people then you may want to think twice.
28. He Wants All Of Your Passwords
Your social media accounts belong to you. He should not demand to control your social media interactions. Usually, when someone is this controlling…there is a reason and it is not always a good one. Behaviors like this do not foster an environment of trust but rather a distrust and they belittle you as well as spit on your privacy/personal space boundaries.
29. Guilt Tripper
If every time you decline something, you are faced with a guilt trip and are basically forced to do things that you don’t want to do, you need to save yourself now. Guilt tripping is an awful and common manipulative tactic that never ends well.
30. You Don’t See Money The Same Way
A guy who is a little less frugal than you is not a bad thing, but you guys are day and night…this will not be fun. If he spends more money than he needs to consistently and starts trying to spend yours… you need to run like hell (and take your wallet with you).
31. He Makes You Feel Stupid
The “jokes”, the condescending comments, the blatant ignoring, the eye rolling, you name it…he’s done it. Let that be enough.
32. He Makes Fun Of You
He pokes fun at your style of music, artist, driving, walking, eating, breathing, all of it. If he cannot help but crack a joke and then apologize then please believe the joke and not the apology. He means it, and it’s mean.
33. He Hides You
If no one in his life has ever heard about or seen you then that is no good. A guy worth keeping around is proud when he finds a woman like you. If he is not, cut him loose.
34. He Needs Constant Reassurance
Insecurity is not attractive and will drain you. A guy like this will really struggle to build you up and will tear you down more often than not. He will never feel secure in a relationship until he is secure with himself and that is not something you can or should (try to) solve.
35. Faithfulness Doesn’t Mean The Same Thing To You Both
If by faithful, he means “mostly” and you mean “completely”, don’t be surprised when he plays by his rules…because he will.
36. Sorry, He Can’t Be Sorry
If every time you point out something that you confront him about something he has done against you, he is unable to apologize or see where he was wrong… that is not an issue you want to be dealing with for long.
37. He Makes You Feel Alone
The worst company makes you feel alone and yucky about especially when they are present. If when he is around you don’t feel seen, understood, or wanted then you should trust what you are feeling.
38. He Can’t Talk About It
No matter what he is going through, big or small. If he can’t talk about it with you and fails at communication in general…that is a warning. If he is not good at expressing or processing what he feels you will act out and not be able to tell you why. You will be playing guessing games by his unspoken rules for longer than you ever need to, and you don’t deserve that.
39. He Is Passive Aggressive
If he is always passively offensive and rude without any regard or ignores you when things don’t go his way then that is a sign that he has got to go.
40. He Brings You Down Often
If this guy never makes you feel good about yourself, always takes your golden moments from you to show you the tiniest sign of rust in it, then he is not the kind of person you need to be spending any more time with.
41. What Rules?
If he does not play by the rules, then he will not play by the rules. This cannot be stressed enough. The only rules that matter to this guy are the ones he comes up with (and those are always subject to change).
42. He Has No Grace
People need grace for people. If he has no grace for you when you are late, forget something or anything then you need to be careful. Especially, if he expects all the grace in the world. Double standards are no fun.
43. Double Standard With Humor
He loves making fun of you and other people but cannot be made fun of in any way. He gets defensive and almost cruel in response. Guys like that are no fun. And you, don’t need that.
44. He Never Gives Back To You…Or Anyone
No one wants a selfish person. If you are always giving and he is always taking…some distance is probably what you really need to be given next. You can tell if he never tips, never spends more time than is necessary, never looks for opportunities to be a blessing, never helps you out. This is not a good trait.
45. You Don’t Shine
This probably is a big reason why your friends and family dislike him so much. If he is trying to steal your joy, takes the light from your eyes, makes you smile less, and causes you to feel insecure in who you are and what you have to offer…then for the love of you, please, let him go.