Most of us have heard, some actually advised, that for someone to move on from a break up or a recently inflicted pain is to let go and forgive. That in order for the sadness and hurting to go away, you must free yourself from whatever it was that caused the heartbreak or the pain. But what if the reason why you haven’t really been completely happy is because you may have given forgiveness to others but you haven’t given it to yourself?
Please stop blaming yourself. It’s time to forgive yourself from all the things you might have done that have caused him/her to leave. Stop carrying the bag filled with your shortcomings. Quit thinking and rethinking when, why or how did your past relationship(s) begin to fade and eventually come to a total blackout.
Please stop punishing yourself. The longer you keep feeling that it was your fault, the harder it will be for you to move on. It’s time to tell yourself that it’s not your fault—or your partner’s—and that the only way for the both of you now is to move forward. Don’t succumb to feeling unworthy; just keep going. The moment you set yourself free is the moment you will also feel true happiness.
Forgive them for leaving you but forgive yourself from staying in place. Tell yourself that it was neither wrong nor right that you kept waiting—that you kept hoping—for him/her to come back. Tell yourself that you only stayed because of love. Tell yourself that it’s okay, but also tell yourself that it’s time for you to forgive yourself for being a little bit dumb, and that now you know better.
Remind yourself that it was out of your control, and whether you did nothing or everything to make him/her stay, it was for the best. Remind yourself that some good things just don’t last. Remind yourself that it was part of God’s plan and that maybe the reason why He takes away some people in our lives is because He has planned to give us better ones instead. Ones who would treat us better, one who’s more deserving of the kind of love we could give, and one who would simply stay and never leave again.
Accept that it is over. Stop living in misery. Stop swimming in your own tears. Stop imagining that s/he will come back again one day because even if s/he does, it still won’t help you move forward today. Accept that no matter how beautiful your story was, it has ended.
Understand this: moving on doesn’t just mean getting over the relationship that you’ve had; it also involves getting over the feelings. And these feelings aren’t just the love or affection you have for your ex-lover; these feelings also include the anger you feel towards him/her for leaving, the sadness you had to go through during the nights you cried yourself to sleep and most importantly, the pain s/he has caused you when your relationship came to a close. Accept that you feel these altogether, and finally tell yourself “I forgive you.” Because along with accepting, you have to forgive yourself, too. Not for loving—never for loving—but for allowing yourself to be lost. Lost in your own sadness. Lost in your own pain. Lost in the forest you have created yourself. Forgive yourself even if it wasn’t even your (or your ex-lover’s) fault.
Look back, but only to pick up the shattered pieces you left behind. Stitch yourself up, but be gentle. Give it some time. All wounds take time to heal and our hearts are no different. Start by crying. Yes, cry, but for one last time. Let your tears be the proof that your love was real but that you are now choosing yourself. Slowly, you will rearrange your universe and the stars will guide you to put things back in its perfect, messy place. You will take back what you lost; you will take back the time you have lost for yourself. You will breathe. For the longest time, you have felt unloved and maybe the reason behind it is because you forgot to love yourself in the first place. But this time, you will.
It’s time for you to go on a date with yourself and enjoy. It’s time for you to do the things you were unable to do when you were with your ex-lover/s. It’s time for you to embrace freedom and be happy about it. It’s time for you to mend yourself and the only way to do so is by loving the person who loves you the most: you.