Fall is officially upon us and that means three things: Pumpkin-spice lattes, Instagramming the leaves, and my favorite—Halloween. Even though it’s no longer acceptable in society to be a 20-something ringing doorbells and asking strangers for candy, at least we can still dress up.
In the past couple of years there has been a super big emphasis on “sexy” costumes. There are sexy cats, sexy angels, sexy cops, sexy cowboys, sexy everything. Sexy!
Some of the costumes I’ve seen advertised are pretty ridiculous and far from sexual. It seems someone sat down at a drawing board and intentionally made these things slutty. So these are seven of the many “sexy” costumes I’ve seen, and I’m confused as to how to feel about them. Are they so wrong they’re right, or simply just wrong? I’m thinking just wrong:
I had no idea a bumblebee was sexy. Hell, I had no idea insects in general were considered attractive. Who knew? But here it is, the sexy bumblebee—because who wouldn’t want to have sex with a bumblebee? I guess it can work as long as there’s no stinger, right?
2. Minnie Mouse
The Disney character who’s been a family favorite for decades is now a slut. Come on, Minnie. I thought that you out of all of them would have been the one Disney star that didn’t go wild. What would Walt say? SMH.
3. Oscar the Grouch
Also known as the Muppet who lives inside of a garbage can. Oscar now comes in a sexually arousing version. The costume features a body con skirt and crop top. You’d think that living inside a closed container on top of dirt and germs would make you want to cover up, but I guess not.
4. Scooby Doo
I loved watching this cartoon as a kid, except when I watched it Scooby wasn’t a hooker. Times have changed. But hey, maybe he could get away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling cops.
If I had known that fresh produce was now a sexual item I would have definitely changed my grocery shopping habits. I guess I would start buying these a little less publicly because now, they are apparently a sexual product. This gives healthy eating a whole new meaning.
For as long as I can remember, hell has been a place to fear. I heard it’s way too hot and the people aren’t so friendly, but check out this costume: the Sexy Devil. Hey, if this is what Satan looks like, maybe being condemned to a fiery pit in the Earth isn’t so bad after all. Heaven may have a new competitor.
Yes, being incarcerated is now hot. I don’t know about you, but I love a “sexy” serial killer. If prison was actually sexy I think a lot more people would be trying to get in than out.