Thought Catalog

11 Things That Happen When You Search For Wholeness Within Yourself Instead Of Another Person

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Meireles Neto

1. You discover that you were always whole, always complete, and never lacking on your own.

Searching for wholeness within yourself means that you stop relying on others to fill you or complete you. Instead of falling into a relationship with a significant other to find meaning, you look for meaning within yourself, within the things you do, within your emotions and perspectives and opinions. And as you do this, you discover that you were never lacking. You never needed someone’s love to fill you, as if there were parts missing. You have always been, and will always be, completely whole and full on your own.

2. You realize the magnitude of your spirit and the strength within your skin.

Finding your wholeness means realizing how incredibly strong you are. It means resurfacing and taking a breath of fresh air, confident and renewed. It means noticing the way your muscles move, the way your body shifts, the way your spirit brightens an entire room as you walk in. It means acknowledging all that you’ve pushed through and will continue to push through, every single day. Finding your wholeness means seeing, in a new and beautiful light, how truly astounding you are.

3. You realize what is truly important to you, without outside influence.

In the past, when you searched for wholeness within others or within your relationships, you were continually influenced by what people thought or believed. Though this may have happened unconsciously, your perspectives and what you placed importance on were shifted and often dictated by the individuals around you. Now that you have focused on your own identity and self-worth, you are able to seek those answers within yourself..

4. You learn that love is simply within you and that you deserve it, most importantly, from yourself.

It’s human, and often natural to search for love in other people, thinking that their affection and attention towards you will fill this void within your heart. But when you stop looking to others for answers and seek them within yourself, you see that love is already and always within you. You see that love is you, in every single part. And you understand that you deserve love—from others yes, but most importantly, from yourself.

5. You place value in the things you believe in, and support those things passionately.

When your self-perception shifts, you begin to realize who you truly are and what you’re truly interested in. When you realize that you are a whole, complex, and strong person, you begin to put value in your thoughts, your perspectives, and your beliefs. You start to notice what is important to you and what causes you support. And you passionately support those things.

6. You understand what you cannot compromise on, and stand firm in those decisions.

As you learn your values, you learn what you cannot stand for. You learn what causes you can’t, under any circumstances, budge on. And as you find your identity and wholeness, you accept and own this about yourself, proudly and confidently.

7. You build yourself into a person who is ready for, and interested in love as an addition to your world, not an answer.

As you find wholeness within yourself, you learn that love is not something necessary, in the sense that you’re supposed to devote your entire life to the pursuit of it. You learn that love does not equal a sense of self or a fullness—that fullness comes from within. And most of all, you learn that love is simply a beautiful, powerful addition to your life, not an answer to everything.

8. You find what drives you and spend your time in selfish pursuit of it.

Once you discover your wholeness, you realize what sets your heart on fire. You realize what you want to pursue, both personally and professionally, and you do so completely and often selfishly. For the first time, your life isn’t dictated by a relationship; rather, it’s focused on how you can build yourself and your career by doing the things you love. And your relationship(s) encourage and support your goals, instead of distract from them.

9. You discover what scares you and learn, on your own, to face those things.

It’s natural to want to have someone carry your burdens, to help you square up to your demons, to solve your problems or help you battle your fears. But when you search for your own sense of self, you realize that what makes you truly strong is your ability to do these things alone. That’s not to say you can’t ask for help, because you can and should, but you are now empowered to be more independent and capable. Because you are, and always will be.

10. You learn that you are far more resilient than you think.

Realizing who you are and who you are capable of becoming teaches you that you are so incredibly strong and resilient. Seeing what you’ve already fought through, and how you will continue to find your footing, even when life gives you turbulence, is inspiring. You have, and will overcome.

11. You appreciate yourself for the imperfect, complex, and astounding being you are.

Discovering your wholeness means falling in love with yourself. It means seeing, for the first time, how incredible you are. It means taking the time to put yourself first, to pamper yourself, and to celebrate each success. It means building yourself up after you fall and speaking words of love and encouragement to your heart when you’re down. It means understanding that you are imperfect, but taking pride in your flaws and failures, as they have created the person you are today. It means giving yourself the pure, raw love you’ve been giving everyone else for so long. It means seeing your worth—both body and soul. TC mark
 


Marisa Donnelly is a poet and author of the book, Somewhere on a Highway, available here.

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