16. Well, now you know.
Kamakazie: I have no idea what to order.
Long Island: I’m here to get fucked.
Shot of Fernet: I’m from San Francisco.
Shot of Grey Goose -chilled: I have no idea what I’m doing.
Jager Bombs: It’s my new fuckin’ hair cut!
Apple-Tini: I don’t like the taste of alcohol.
Johnny Walker Blue: I have more money than sense; I hope it impresses you.
Sazerac: I know what I’m doing.
White Russian: I have never worked in a bar before, so I possess a fool-hearted confidence that the milk in your reach-in has not expired.
Patron Margarita: I wish to spend $12 on a drink that will taste exactly the same as it’s $8 counter part.
Rail Tequila: I’m here to blackout and get butt-fucked by a stranger.
Hennessy and Coke: “Can you guys play some rap music?”
PBR: Hipsters don’t tip.
Gin Rickey: I just read the Great Gatsby for the first time.
Vodka Redbull: I’m gonna butt-fuck a blacked out stranger tonight.
Cuba Libre: I’m too cool to say Rum & Coke.
Red Eye: I just saw Cocktail for the first time.
Blue Moon: I’m a girl. “Can I get two orange slices?”
Three Wise Men: I’m gonna fight someone tonight.
Blowjob: “OMG! It’s my bachelorette -woohoo!”
Sex with an Alligator: I want to watch you fail at layer shots.
A shot of X split Y ways: I am from South Carolina.
Rail Vodka: My ID is fake.
Martini: “Oh.. um… Gin I guess. NONONO! Vodka. Yeah. Shaken. Um.. Dirty? Whichever way has olives.”
17. Men don’t drink cocktails
I also bartended in the Shinkoiwa area of Tokyo.Men would not order cocktails.
If a man ordered a cocktail other than your normal Gin Back, or Gin Fizz that man is gay.
If a woman ordered for her guy, the guy was either a pimp or her man back at her hostess bar. We only had Budweiser, Corona, Heineken, and Guiness for the beer menu.
If you ordered Budweiser, you wanted to practice English. If you ordered Corona, you are a lightweight and can’t handle your alcohol well. If you ordered a Heineken, you wanted to have a conversation with your friends. If you ordered a Guinness, you would sit at the bar all night reading your novel being anti-social.
If you ordered Meyers Rum on the rocks… You were somehow in the Mafia… (I don’t understand this one, it was just a normal thing.)
If you ordered Champagne for everyone, that usually means I have way too much money and I don’t know what to do with my time.
If a man ordered wine, and the woman ordered a beer. That usually meant they would end up getting in a fight and leaving separately.
If someone wanted a shot they either were getting lucky or wanted to get kicked out when the bar was closing.
In Japan no one ordered a sake bomb…ever.