Lorenzo Jensen III

“A boy I liked at school made me feel ‘warm’ between my legs and I thought I peed myself.”

“Pro: You can do what you want, when you want to.
Con: You’ve got nobody to do those things with.”

“When a close friend of mine died, he joked about it.”

“When he ate all of the crunchy parts of the Lucky Charms and left me all of the marshmallows.”

“My eldest’s father went out to get diapers & never came back, that was it, she was 2 weeks old.”

“Every so often, we would like to be told we’re attractive.”

“Why do women get mad at their SO for something they ‘did’ in a dream?”

“You’re my favorite person besides every other person I’ve ever met.”

“If things are tense, hug each other for 20 seconds.”

“You’re both the best and the worst thing to ever happen to me. Also, I miss you.”

“Seriously, even a moderately attractive guy playing with his cute dog = ovaries exploding.”

“When she says, ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst…’”

“She thought Hitler was still alive and asked why we haven’t stopped him.”

“Whatever was behind me was evil.”

“I enjoy it when you give me the ‘silent treatment’ because I don’t have to listen to you.”

“She turned her eyeless face toward me….”

“She thought Al Qaeda was a lone terrorist named Al.”

“He thought cheese was a vegetable.”