1. When she owns more than three cats.
“More than 3 cats.”
2. When she loooooves horses.
“Loooooves horses. I’ve never met a horse girl that isn’t crazy.”
3. When she owns Lena Dunham books.
“The writings of Lena Dunham.”
4. When she has ZERO girl friends, she’s a cunt.
“One surefire example is to find out how many close girl friends she has. If she has ZERO girl friends, she’s a cunt.”
5. When she describes most of her exes as dicks.
“Not true for all cases, but if a girl describes most of her exes as dicks, she may be part of the problem.”
6. When she has those eyes.
“Those eyes. You know the ones. The ones you can just look at and know, ‘it’ll be a lot of fun, but i’ll wake up naked, in jail, and in debt.’”
7. When she calls herself a slut or a bitch.
“When they say, ‘I’m such a slut’ or ‘I’m a bitch, deal with it.’ That’s not attractive, that’s repulsive :)”
8. When she comes after your balls with a razor blade while shit-faced drunk.
“Coming after my balls with a razor blade while shit-faced drunk. Oh, we were both naked. Nothing quite like sleeping in a walk-in closet with my back up against the door in fear.”
9. When she is yelling at you because you won’t yell at her.
“When she is yelling at you because you won’t yell at her.”
10. When she has no female friends because they’re ‘too much drama.’
“If she has no female friends because they’re all ‘too much drama’ I’m pretty fucking sure she’s the real reason for that drama.”
11. When she says, ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst…’
“‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best!” Stay the fuck away…”
12. When she’s extremely jealous.
“A friend of mine took a girl to a wedding and the girl got mad at him because he was staring at the bride too much…as the ceremony was going on. So, I guess extreme jealousy. Another example is one time years ago I had to work like a 10-hour shift on a Sunday and I gave my GF at the time a heads-up since I wouldn’t really be able to text back pretty much all day. She later told me she thought I made it up so I wouldn’t have to text her.”
13. When she’s always delivering ultimatums.
“Any chick who is big on ultimatums over daft stuff.
‘I just don’t feel like going out tonight babe.’
‘It’s either we go out or i’m leaving you.’
LET HER LEAVE YOU.”
14. When she’s extremely insecure.
“My last girlfriend was extremely insecure. At the beginning of our relationship, she admitted to wanting to look at my text messages. I had nothing to hide, so I indulged her. It didn’t stop there. Pretty soon she was checking my Facebook and either unfriending or unfollowing women on my friends list. One day when we were watching a show on Netflix that had a fairly attractive woman, she looked upset. I asked her what was wrong. She told me that it bothers her when the person she’s with watches anything with women that are hotter than her. I was pretty much limited to watching animated shows. I’m a pretty passive guy, so I put up with it so she wouldn’t have to stress about it. I put up with it for a year and then she cheated on me with someone from work.”
15. When she ‘argues’ with you about dialogue that only happened in her head.
“When you start to figure out that your ‘argument” has suddenly included a lot of dialogue that actually only happened inside of her head… Yeah, you got a crazy one.”
16. When she gets mad at you because she had a dream you cheated on them.
“If they get mad at you because they had a dream you cheated on them. True story.”
17. When she’s a complete slob but blames it on you.
“My ex girlfriend had this thing where she was barely employed, played LoL all day long in our apartment, never did any dishes and not once in the year before I threw her out took out the garbage. But she loved to tell anybody who would listen to her about how much of a slob I am (Meanwhile I did all of the cleaning and was only home 2-3 waking hours a day). So to answer your question…not being self-aware can make you batshit insane.”
18. When she pees in the parking lot.
“Before I started dating my ex, her and a group of friends came to watch me play music at a local restaurant. She got way too hammered, was literally talking gibberish by the time i was done, peed in the parking lot before leaving, and decided she wanted to go out with all of her friends when it was time to go. I said I was just going to go home and she just gave me this crazy girl empty stare. Proceeded to go home and I started getting phone calls. I tell her that she was really too drunk and I thought it would be best if we called it a night. Had to just hang up but she kept calling and I decided it would be best if just ignore her at that point. She actually walks to my house at that point(she lived in the neighborhood) and starts trying to wake me up. I pretend to stay asleep.. it seemed like the easiest way out at the time. She starts trying to get into my phone and cant figure out the password. Then, she tells me she is going to do something bad if I don’t answer. Finally, she walks out. Looking back, I cant believe I kept seeing her after but I told myself she was just hammered and this was totally out of character which was true at the time. Ultimately, she turned out to be an ultimatum queen and was literally the worst.”
19. Whatever is ‘creepy’ in a guy is ‘crazy’ in a girl.
“I’d say generally what a girl would say is creepy in a guy. That is, creepy in a guy is crazy in a girl. Things like stalker-ish behaviors, really off-the-cuff and inappropriate remarks, obsessive natures. When they are oblivious that the things they’re doing or saying are not acceptable to a majority of people and when most people would look at said behaviors and note something is wrong with them.”
20. When she asks for your social media passwords.
“Knowing or asking to know my passwords to social media. I really mean it when I say I have nothing to hide, you’ve already gone through my phone, and you are crazy if you want me to give you my credentials. Hell no!”
21. When she’s just completely irrational.
“Just complete irrationality. Accuse you of something but then refuse to listen to the rational explanation. Be all pissed off but refuse to say why. Scream over you during an argument when you are trying to talk. Hacking your Facebook. Searching through your phone. Searching through your computer. Checking Internet history. Catfishing your ex. Constant mood swings but denial about them. Silent treatment for over a week when you aren’t in the mood for sex after you calmly try to explain you are just really emotionally drained from work. Wanting to be ‘adored.’ Saying how lucky you are to have them. Getting mad for no reason every time you hang out with a group of people together.”
22. When she expects you to cheat just because you’re a man.
“If a woman seems to have an expectation that I’m going to cheat on her, it almost certainly won’t be true, because I simply won’t be there. If the expectation is that I will cheat, because I am a member of ‘all men.’ I have never cheated on a woman. In my whole life I think I’ve only met 2 men who have. If a woman is so scarred that she expects that behavior from me, she’s too far gone. Bye. So long. See ‘ya around.”
23. When she has funky eyebrows.
“A tell-tale sign are the eyebrows. Funky eyebrows = crazy.”
24. When she thinks her dreams are real.
“Girls who think their dreams are real and/or have some serious meaning behind them. No, I do not have an illegitimate child out there and it doesn’t mean that I plan to either. Sit down.”
25. When she’s overly emotional.
“You might think it’s stereotypical to say being overly emotional…which is probably an inadequate way to describe this but:
My ex would call me up once a month weeping at 11pm and would go on about how much she hated her life and how utterly alone she was. I would try and console her, and she would just snap at me.
Then the next day she would be ‘fine.’
Once after she said some really hurtful shit to me she dropped this one, ‘Why can’t people just say what they think and then move on?’
Translation: why can’t I vomit all of my fucked up emotional issues all over you, refuse any help what so ever, and then blame you for not understanding me?”
26. When she threatens you with bodily harm.
“Threatening you with bodily harm. Doesn’t have to be with a knife, but my father has a scar that he claims is from that exact thing. He was a cop, so he ended up actually pulling a gun on her to get out of there in one piece. Long story short: If she threatens to make you bleed, it’s time for you to leave.”
27. When she’s dramatic.
“Whatever the cause: drama. One great thing about Facebook is that it lets folks vet members of the opposite sex for dramatic tendencies. Those who have ’em can’t seem to help putting them on display for the world to see.”
28. When she watches reality TV.
“Reality TV shows.”
29. When she gets angry at you for her own paranoid fantasies.
“I had an ex who was mad at me for like two days because she realized that we had been dating for a while, and if we kept dating then someday we might get engaged, and if we get engaged then I might have a bachelor party, and if I have a bachelor party then there might be strippers, and she doesn’t like strippers so I’m an asshole.”
30. When she hates all of the other girls in your life that aren’t her.
“When she hates all of the other girls in your life that aren’t her. When she hates other girls simply because they’re girls.”
31. When she blocks in your car with her truck at your work.
“Never stick your d*ck in crazy. It’s not worth it. You only need to experience crazy once time in your life. I’ve blocked out almost all of the memories but one of the final interactions involved me calling the police because she blocked in my car with her truck at my work. Then she shows up at my apartment later. I was smart enough to tell my roommates not to open the door if she shows up. I woke up the next day with about 70 missed calls from her. Never ignoring red flags again…”
32. When she takes secret photos of you and posts them on Facebook.
“I’ve been here. Told this story multiple times. FWB with this girl. She was getting way too attached so I called it off. She bought me presents, made me food, stalked me, tried seducing me into loving her, threatened to have my kneecaps bashed in (haha that was funny), and even got an ex of mine involved. But what made her really crazy was all the pictures that she took that I never realized. It peaked with her putting up all these pictures of me on her Facebook under the album ‘Lying sack of shit.’ Pics of me with my son when I thought she wasn’t around, pics of me sleeping naked when I was alone in my apartment, pics of me shopping or at work. It peaked there then she just disappeared.”
33. When she calls herself crazy.
“When she calls herself crazy.”