1. ‘I was 17 and there was a girl naked on a bed that said ‘come fuck me.’ So I did.’
“I was 17 and there was a girl naked on a bed that said ‘come fuck me.’ So I did. Wasn’t right, but wasn’t thinking, either.
I was house sitting for a family friend and I had a friend over and we were having some beers. He had been talking to his GF while we watched TV. His GF told him ‘Jane’ wanted to hang out with me (she had a crush). I had known her for a while, same school. I thought his GF was cool. The two girls came over. My friend then told me that he and his GF might scram. My GF is out of town. I’m a virgin who had been drinking with alone with another girl. This doesn’t look good. He hands me a condom and says ‘ya might need this.’
This is how I know I’m not thinking. My GF goes to the same school too. We all did. I graduated with 85 people, no way 4 of those 85 people know I lose my virginity to not my GF and the whole school doesn’t hear about it within the week. But I still just say whatever, not thinking anything will happened. He insisted by saying ‘just in case.’
After they left…she goes to the ‘bathroom’ but went to the bedroom. She called me in there and she was not completely naked but had a bra and some panties that made it look like she intended to try to get some. She did say ‘come fuck me’ or something close to that…and that’s kinda where I just ripped off my clothes.”
2. ‘I wanted to feel like garbage and sleeping with people who didn’t care about me did that.’
“I was in bad shape in terms of mental health and I went through bouts of wanting to self-destruct. Basically, I wanted to feel like garbage and sleeping with people who didn’t care about me did that. I did a lot of other self-destructive things as well. You know how they say, ‘I should have been on the back of your mind’ or some crap like that? The truth is, I wasn’t thinking about my SO at all when I did those things, even though I loved them deeply. I just wanted to kill myself without killing myself.”
3. ‘She was cold, distant, and a bit of a bitch.’
“I was with a woman who should have been ‘right’ for me. But she was cold, distant, and a bit of a bitch. She was smart, witty, well-liked and highly thought of by colleagues and friends; but, behind closed doors, she was the opposite. I tried to change her, I even tried changing myself. She had ‘accidentally’ cheated on me earlier in our relationship, and when I met someone who was nice to me and made me feel good about myself…well, I went for it. Cheated on my SO. But, to be fair, I dumped her immediately afterward.”
4. ‘I would flirt and sell myself to other desperate, lonely people.’
“We had very poor communication and were both very insecure (wife and I).
She assumed I was cheating when I wasn’t, facilitated a threesome to control the insecurity and then we flip-flopped for years between open and not, all the while our sex life which had been daily when we were dating dropped to a dead bedroom.
I talked, I begged, I volunteered to do counseling (she would never do mutual counseling) and I did without. I gave up passwords and stopped seeing friends. I went to a couple Sexaholics Anonymous meetings. And I did without. Month in and month out. and we would cycle over the years. Cheat, get caught, make amends, be happy, dead bedroom, cheat. And the problems were always my fault. My timing, my not understanding her meds, or her aches, or her bad days.
I got selfish. I got desperate. I would flirt and sell myself to other desperate, lonely people. Park sex, car sex, elevator machinery closet, bathrooms. Anything to just feel desired. It’s fucked-up.”
5. ‘I had a chance to have sex with a 21-year-old Swedish model.’
“I had a chance to have sex with a 21-year-old Swedish model who was also a really close friend and I thought I’d regret it forever if I didn’t go for it. I broke up with my girlfriend a week later, carried on having sex with the Swede for a couple of months until she went home to Sweden.