Lorenzo Jensen III

“Live, laugh, love.” Translation: Worship at my feet or I’ll put your cat in the blender.

“There are no good women left.” Well, then, GTFO this site, then.

“He spiked my drink himself so he could ‘save me’ and show me how caring he was.”

“I say, ‘I’m falling for you.’ She says, ‘I can’t catch you.’”

“Nicest guy, the kind that would give you the shirt off his back.”

“I have never in my life been so scared. Never have I ever thought I was about to be murdered.”

“Avoiding ‘girly’ food and drinks. If eating a crepe threatens your manliness, your masculinity is too fragile!”

“Lots of Dollar Stores, payday loan, and title-loan places.”

“Going to Grandma’s house because there’s nothing to eat at your house.”

“I was not afraid until I saw this thing. Pasty-white, hairless, ugly.”

“My father introduced his girlfriend to us by saying, ‘This is your new mother. You’ll never see your other mother again.’”

“He turned his head to look at me before I heard a gurgle. Then he was gone, just like that.”

“Me and one of my cousins were banging for close to a decade. We’re both dudes.”

“Dad hired a hitman to kill mom.”

“Outer space. Either we are alone out there or not—both are equally terrifying.”

“I like to wear the panties she leaves at my house.”

“He isn’t nearly as good as he thinks he is at sex.”

“We’re replaceable. We’re easily discarded. A woman’s death is a tragedy; a man’s death is a happening.”