16 Crazy-But-True Stories Of Really, Really Bad Divorces

16 Crazy-But-True Stories Of Really, Really Bad Divorces

Found on AskReddit.

1. Dad hired a hitman to kill mom.

“Parents’ divorce seemed simple: Dad cheated on mom, mom gets custody of me. Dad didn’t like paying alimony and child support to the tune of $2k a month after he gave up rights. Dad had great idea: Pay a hitman $15k to kill soon-to-be ex-wife. Dad goes through with it, idiot actually pays undercover cop the money. Dad then flies back to Canada (home) and wait for results. International task force is formed to try and detain him. Geraldo Rivera covers story, idiot dad gets arrested in Toronto and flown back to California. In this process, I was three in care of family back down South, mother in protection by police. Dad’s family apparently wealthy, gets good lawyer, is charged with 17 felonies, can’t remember how many he was convicted of. He gets 18 months. After all of this mom still had to sue for divorce; it took two years.”


2. ‘Susan, you bitch! Quit digging in the dirt!’

“My uncle represented this guy getting a divorce from his wife of 15 years. Super toxic breakup and they split everything 50/50, even the land that the house they lived in sat upon. Well she decides to build a house right behind the other house; mind you, this was a lot of land probably 200 yards separating both home sites, so that the back of the houses faced each other. The house gets built and my uncle gets a call from his client asking about the legality of a situation he had gotten himself into. Apparently his ex-wife would spend a lot of time in her backyard, so he saw her all the time. What he did was buy a female dog and name it the same name as his ex-wife. Anytime he would let his dog back in from letting her out he would yell ‘Susan, you bitch! Get in here!’ He would also yell if she was peeing on the flowers: ‘Susan you bitch! Quit pissing on the flowers!’ or ‘Susan, you bitch! Quit digging in the dirt!’ The ex-wife called the cops on him a couple of times, but there was nothing they could do because the dog was registered under the name of Susan, and it was in fact a bitch so there you go.”


3. He hid Ziploc bags of ground meat throughout the house.

“I’m an accountant not a divorce lawyer. Had a client hide Ziploc bags of ground meat throughout the house (in air vents, the attic, behind water heater etc.) I think it was at least 20-30 bags that took months to find all of them.”


4. She agreed to watch his dog, then had the dog put down.

“My ex and I separated before the divorce. She agreed to watch the dog while I found a new place. She had the dog put down instead.”


5. He left her a note in their bank vault that said, ‘Fuck you bitch.’

“No lawyer, but at the time I worked on bank equipment, my favorite was opening safety deposit boxes for the bank. Do I was asked to get there before the bank opened which was odd. I show up and greet the bank employee along with a lawyer and a very angry looking woman. I get the lock open and swing the door open as the angry woman shouts ‘let me in there!’ And I step outside the vault. ‘That MOTHERFUCKER!’ And storms off, but she threw down a piece of paper that said ‘Fuck you bitch.’ It had been a nasty divorce and the ex-husband got there before she did.”


6. She racked up over 150K in credit-card debt; he died of a heart attack.

“I had a coworker once where the wife racked up well over 150K in credit-card debt right before she divorced him! He worked overtime for literally the rest of his life just to be able to survive. Unfortunately he died from a heart attack, probably due to all the stress that she left him with!

From what I understood it was a bunch of credit cards that added up to over $150k+ that she didn’t tell him about. Also he should’ve filed for bankruptcy, I said as much to him but he felt that it was morally wrong to file. I think he should’ve but some people are like that, they will not take government assistance or any handouts’ even if they really need it and should.”


7. He fell onto what was now a bed of broken glass covered by a thin cotton sheet.

“When I practiced family law, I often worked with a woman who ran a battered women’s shelter. She would attend court to give moral and practical support to some of our clients. There’s a lot of waiting around in family court in the UK and so I got to hear a lot of her own story. Her husband had, apparently, been a nightmare of a man. She did always say, though, that she often gave as good as she got.

One day, after she’d had another drunken payday beating, she waited until he was unconscious on the sofa and stole all the money so she could leave him. Before she left, she stripped the mattress sheet off their bed. She took a full-length mirror, laid it down his side of the bed and replaced the sheet. Then, she took a hammer, smashed the mirror to pieces and straightened the sheets again so it wouldn’t be visible to her piss-drunk husband when he finally fell onto what was now a bed of broken glass covered by a thin cotton sheet.”


8. He fucked himself out of thousands each year by calling her a cunt.

“Dad was a real asshole and mom tried to save him a lot of money during the divorce. They have three kids who were 16, 13, and 8. Dad wouldn’t sign ANY agreement my mom’s lawyer produced. It had to be his idea and from his lawyer or it wasn’t getting signed. Dad’s lawyer was incompetent and sends an agreement that states he will pay $2,000 a month in child support until all kids are 18. Mom tried to explain to dad that it needed to be revised to lower every time a child turned 18. Dad called mom a cunt during that negotiation so mom said fuck it and signed the agreement and dad paid the $2,000/month for 10 years when he should’ve been paying around $1,400/month for five years and $700/month for the last five years.

TLDR: Dad fucked himself out of thousands each year by calling my mom a cunt.”


9. She was going to get his house, so he burned it down then faxed her the transfer of ownership forms.

“The couple separated 10 years ago but didn’t officially divorce until a couple years ago. She was going to get his house, so he burned it down then faxed her the transfer of ownership forms. He might be going to jail for arson, though.”


10. The son shot his dad. Ten years old, killed his dad.

“I saw how divorces can get ugly. My neighbor brainwashed her kids to think their father had molested them, etc…so every time he came to get his kids they would make it hard (run around the car is one example).

Well one day I came home early from college and the son shot his dad in his car. Ten years old, killed his dad. They found out that mom was supplying the son with Prozac (not prescribed to him) and she was brainwashing him. They still live next door and the kid got out at 21 I think.”


11. He controlled the house’s thermostat remotely to torture her for a year.

“Wife cheats on her husband during his frequent travels for work. She files for divorce and gets to keep the house. Months elapse and the husband is still rightfully pissed but has no recourse. Then he has an epiphany: ‘I wonder if she changed the password to the Nest Thermostat?’ She did not.

For the next year he continues to mess with the thermostat. In the middle of summer when they’re sleeping in HIS bed, he turns the heat on to 90 degrees at 3 AM. Middle of winter? Time to shut off the heat and hope the pipes freeze. Away on vacation? Turn the air conditioning down to 55 and let it run 24/7 for a nice surprise bill when they get home.”


12. She got cancer; he filed for divorce.

“My ex’s brother helped his friend (he was friends with the couple but clearly ‘chose’ the guy) hide assets and wash cash in the six months leading up to a ‘surprise, I’m divorcing you!’ by the friend to his now ex and deceased wife.

Oh yeah—he did this because she had just been diagnosed with cancer, was not going to live, and he didn’t see why ‘his money’ should go to ‘her healthcare’ when she was going to ‘die in a few years’ anyway.”


13. He got cancer; she filed for divorce.

“Child of divorce here.

My father was a plastic surgeon. Worked his way up from a janitor at a hospital that didn’t graduate high school to getting through med school mid 30s. Married my mom in his 40s (she was 20 years younger). They always had a strained relationship. He was a workaholic and also had a drinking issue. My mother on the other hand was controlling and manipulative. I could see both of their issues at a young age.

I always knew they needed to be separated but it didn’t happen until my early 20s which couldn’t have been a worse time. My dad had lost a considerable amount of money after the recession and had also gotten two types of cancer (prostate and colon) and almost died and pretty much stopped practicing medicine. My mother decided this was the perfect time to divorce him and in the process take every little thing could from him including my younger siblings. He fell into a deep depression and still to this day thinks he loves this woman while she continues to take advantage of him.

I managed to help him win back his house in court but he lost every other bit of cash and property.
A real shit storm. Still dealing with it 3 years later.

I know it’s my mother and I shouldn’t take sides but she did some horrible things to my family. It’s taken years to recover from and while it wasn’t all her fault she was the primary catalyst in the situation and didn’t have to be spiteful and take every little thing from a man who gave her everything.”


14. He went into a coma; she went on a spending spree.

“I think I win this one. Except I was the one who got fucked. My ex and I had separated and about 3 months later I was in a serious accident on a Sunday night. Doctors said I would not live, so my ex who was still listed on life insurance went on a spending spree. 9am Monday she bought a new car in my name. By now I was placed in a coma. By day four of coma, she had bought a time share condo car big screen TVs taken out bank loans opened credit cards. By time I recovered she had racked up $429,000 debt in my name. A year later divorce starts and judge ordered credit reports and this was all found. Long story short I still had to give her a truckload of money she got the debt handed to her. She filed bankruptcy and only spent six weeks in jail.”


15. He left her with 3000 coins and no way to carry it home. This guy was an evil genius.

“I had an epic client who hated his wife’s guts. He was asked to pay an interim maintenance of Rs. 3000/- per month. This guy goes to the bank and gets 3000 bucks, all in 1 Rupee coins and gives it to his wife in court. Technically it’s legal. So the wife had to sit and count all the coins in court and then he says he wants the bag back. Technically it’s his bag, so this lady is left with 3000 coins and no way to carry it home. This guy was an evil genius.”


16. When he kicks the bucket she’ll need to drive for hours from a small country town just to get $1.

“My old man has left my mum $1 in his will as well as something about the contents of his will aren’t to be discussed unless in person or something (I’m not 100% sure how it works), when he kicks the bucket she’ll need to drive for hours from a small country town just to get $1 then turn around and drive all the way back home. It’s by no means the worst thing, but it makes me chuckle.”

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About the author

Lorenzo Jensen III