Lorenzo Jensen III

“Never cheat on someone that is good to you. Karma is a bitch.”

He bought me chocolate, then broke up with me, then ate my chocolate.

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.”

We often think of love as something spiritual—a matter of the “heart” and “mind”—but we sometimes forget that the heart and brain are also parts of our body.

You can’t hide in crowds.

“Love sucks, but sex is reliably great.”

“I honestly wish I never got them.”

“Male stripping isn’t much different from female stripping, minus a bleeding penis every 4 weeks.”

1. My dad, hanging from the basement ceiling with a dog leash wrapped around his neck.

“I would die laughing and you would die trying.”

1. A male coworker walked us to our parking garage to protect us from a serial killer…who happened to be him.

1. Touch your hair, bite your lips, and blush.

Wash behind your ears. It prevents the “old person smell.”

“She was shocked to see HUNDREDS of little flies tattooed on his ass.”

“What really turns me off is bad breath. Had a boyfriend who was great in so many ways, but as it turned out he had halitosis and I had to call it off.”

“She started punching herself in the face in the middle of the restaurant.”

Found on AskReddit. 1. The Serious Victim. Serious victim complex. “I’m just sooo nice but everyone else is mean to me for no reason.

3. The way they incessantly touch their testicles.