Thought Catalog

17 People Share Online Dating Horror Stories

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Flickr / Maxwell Hamilton
Flickr / Maxwell Hamilton
Found on AskReddit.

1. He requested I send him my dirty socks.

Never met up with him, but got an OKC message asking if I could wear a pair of socks for 2-3 months without washing them and give them back to him.

Um, WTF?

2. She started punching herself in the face in the middle of the restaurant.

Conversation is going all right and she asks where I am from. I tell her I am from a city near there that has a rougher reputation. She lights up when I say this and asks if I was in a gang and how many fights I got into. I laughed and said I wasn’t in any gangs and I hate fighting. I did tell her I got into a fight after leaving a bar a year prior and I never want to do that again even though the fight was super lame. I ended up with a black eye after the tussle, I work in a fairly conservative engineering office, so I did find it funny when I told people I got my black eye in a fight when they asked. My date giggled at that then said she always wanted to get in a fight, but would hate to get hit in the eye. I told her getting hit in the eye is better than getting hit in the mouth, because that shit hurts and bleeds even if the punch wasn’t that good. She said she didn’t believe me on this. I said I had older brothers and preferred getting punched most places other than the mouth. My date still didn’t believe me. She then said, “I want to find out” and proceeded to punch herself in the face repeatedly to see which area hurt the most. In the middle of the restaurant. On our first date. I asked her politely to stop but she continued to do so. She did end up agreeing with me. We hugged, and went our separate ways, never speaking to each other ever again.

3. He told me he was a male feminist.

After 2 weeks of talking and gaming together we decided to meet. His opening line was “I’m a feminist.” The date lasted 15 minutes due to how terribly boring I found him. To this day I’ve never had such a lack of attraction to a single person.

4. He wasn’t pretty enough to be that stupid.

Talked myself into going out with someone who had seemed duller than a bucket full of mud because he was, frankly, gorgeous.

We sit down, start talking, and he’s dumb. Like, not “haha how adorable” dumb but “holy shit how does this man feed himself” levels of stupid.

After hearing all about how he thought he was the reincarnation of an Egyptian princess, I switched the topic to books (I assumed his would be Fifty Shades of Gay or the Very Retarded Caterpillar).

As the waiter popped by to get our drink orders, I mentioned I liked Edgar Allen Poe; he told the waiter that sounded delicious, he’d have one too.

He wasn’t pretty enough to be that stupid.

5. He turned out to be a Satanist who wanted to drink my blood.

Oh god… okay I have a story. I met a cute, longhaired metalhead guy on OKC several years ago, he was just my type so I was pretty excited. We talk a bit and add each other on Facebook, and I start noticing that he’s posting a lot of weird stuff. One day he randomly posted the entire Lord’s Prayer, which I found weird cause he wasn’t religious at all that I knew of. He also posted about how miracles are real because some relative of his recovered from a bad illness.

I logged back in a few hours later to find a long, rambling, terrifying message about how I was a stupid egotistical asshole. I can post the message if anyone wants to read it in its entirety, but it basically said he was a Satanist and he wanted to drink my blood up until I offended him with my “atheist bullshit” or something like that. I blocked him of course, but didn’t think too much more of it since he lived in Iceland & I lived in the US.

I recently unblocked him & looked at his profile again just out of curiosity, and was mildly horrified to see that he’s currently living in Dallas. I live in Dallas :( I don’t think he moved to try and find me or anything. (I lived in a different state when we were talking), but still…too close for comfort.

The message, as per request:

I’m not a fucking bible thumper! I’m also not a self-centered egotistical asshole like you are bitch! I’m tired of your fucking idiotic atheist fucking opinions. If you must know… I worship Satan. I don’t give a fuck what you think about that either. I would have loved to have drank your blood myself but had the feeling I would be full but only with self-pity. I used to be like you in fact my first degree was in A.A. Network Technology. I used to work on computers. Now I have a Ph. D. You are so fucking smart ask me what my dissertation was about and I won’t say go fuck yourself. You just pissed me off so bad after I poured my heart out to you with my hospital experience. I couldn’t stand to read another word of yours. Open up your fucking mind and realize that there is more than just us here. You can take the bible and wipe your fucking ass with ass with it!

6. He told me he fantasizes about fucking young boys.

Chatting to a guy for a while on OKC, he visits me from down south, all seems good, have foods, have drinks, have sexy times. Good 2 days with lots of noisy sex. Post coital chat about fantasies and he tells me he’s always had a fantasy about fucking a young boy, and almost got to with one of his ex’s wee brothers!!!!! Unsurprisingly I have no contact with him at all after that and still occasionally check his local paper to see if he was been brought up on any charges.

Was never sure if I should have gone to the police or not…

7. She pulled out a meth pipe and started smoking.

Talked to a girl for a couple weeks when we agreed to meet up. The plan was to just cruise around all night. At one point we stop for a minute and she asked if I mind if she smokes for a minute. I think she means weed and say it’s not my thing but go ahead. Then I hear this popping crackling sound….

I watched a girl do meth.

It was really cold out and we were in her car so I thought I’d just roll with it and see how it went. Everything was cool, but never talked or heard from her again. Seemed like a nice girl, but considering the date started with an hour long phone call of her screaming at people over her baby daddy saying shit while driving erratically that girl was plenty crazy.

Fuckin’ hot, though.

8. She slammed her head on the nightstand, then suggested we do acid.

First date, we got drunk, went back to her place and she asked if I was down to smoke some weed. She decides gets up to open up window (got a bit smoky). She then decides to jump back on her bed, miscalculates and bounces off her bed then slams her head on her nightstand. Which got super awkward. It got even more awkward after, because she suggested we do acid.

9. She and her friends sent me psycho made-up death threats.

Spontaneous meet-up with the girl I’ve been talking to when we realize I’m within walking distance of her place! Have some drinks, watch TV, hang out with her cats, then have sex! Wake up to sunshine and cigarettes and kiss goodbye and head out. A day or two later she’s decided that I’m not separated from my girlfriend, I’m lying, and she just helped me cheat on her. Cue two or three of her friends sending me death threats and harassing me for being a lying asshole and other psycho made-up things.

I don’t like to say “that chick was craaaaazy” because that’s the typical dude line to make themselves feel better. But holy shit.

10. I may have dated a real-life vampire.

First date, things going reasonably well, in each other’s pants within the first hour. Later on I take her to a restaurant for dinner, she wants pizza so we split a pizza. A few bites into the pizza she starts crying, not loudly sobbing or anything but I can see her wiping tears away so I ask what’s wrong. She tells me there is garlic on the pizza and she has a “thing” with garlic and she would tell me about it if she got to know me better. Things were pretty awkward after that and didn’t end well, she ended up leaving my apartment crying.

tl;dr Date was a real life vampire or some shit.

11. I got dick pics from blank profiles.

A few years ago a friend of mine set up profiles on a few dating sites and she asked me to join them, too, so I could give my opinion on the guys she talked to. So I put up blank profiles on two or three different sites. Every now and then, years later, I get dick pics. Really. Dick pics on a blank profile. Do guys think this will work?

12. We hate-fucked in a McDonald’s parking lot.

Not worst, but strangest.

This girl and I messaged back and forth for a while. Got along pretty well. She was cute. We decided to meet up about half way between both our hometowns. The plan was to meet in the McDonald’s parking lot and go from there. I get out of my car and into hers and immediately we realize we don’t get along. We basically sit in the car for two hours insulting one another. She calls me short, I call her flat chested. Eventually she says “So…elephant in the room. Sex.” and I say “Really? Sure.” and we hop in the back seat (she had tinted windows and it was night time) and we have some pretty good sex. Afterward, we say our goodbyes and I head back home. She texts me on the way and says “you have a fabulous phallus.” and I thank her for the compliment. We chat via text for about a week after that, but soon realize that even though the sex was good, we were not compatible as friends. Never heard from her again.

13. I fucked her brains out and cried the whole time.

Girl and I had been texting, talking on the phone, even Skyped once (it was dark and hard to see). She actually had a great personality and we hit it off. Her profile pictures were of a gorgeous girl, always posing seductively. She told me to meet her at her hotel room at the Adolphus in Dallas, TX (very nice, very expensive). When she opened the door, I was speechless, this was NOT the girl in the pictures at all. It looked like she had eaten the girl in the picture! How could someone lie to me like that?

..so I did what any nice guy would do…I fucked her brains out and cried the whole time.

By the way, here’s the actual girl that she had been sending me pictures of. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. http://imgur.com/dSJ2seZ

14. He asked me to blow him on the first date.

First date. The guy actually asked “…so will you blow me now?”

15. She was a one-legged alcoholic.

It wasn’t OKC but it was POF. I start talking to this girl who is cute and can keep a conversation flowing. We agree to meet up for a trivia night at a local restaurant. I show up about 15 minutes early and sit at the bar to drink before she arrives.

When she arrives, she shows up with her best friend, which is no big deal to me. The weird thing is the girl I am there to meet shows up in a mini skirt and has a prosthetic leg! Not one of the ones shaped like a leg, a metal pole! I play it cool, I think, and am open-minded so I stick around.

Turns out she is a HUGE alcoholic (which is how she lost her leg) and she is pretty much drinking 3 mixed drinks to my one beer.

Her friend that showed up with her also happens to have a date showing up. So there I am awkwardly sitting at this table with people I have never met pretending to have a good time so I don’t look like an asshole for ditching a date with only one leg.

The girls end up ignoring us guys and they are having their own conversations, so me and other dude end up talking sports stuff and end up getting along pretty good.

We all end up going to a dive bar down the street after dinner for more drinks because its 2 for 1 night. Night ends there, and I agree to give this girl one more date on the off chance that it was just a bad night for the girl and she was nervous or whatever. Second date was even worse than the first date. She gets wasted and keeps accusing me of looking at other women and is hitting on other people while we are out. I leave and never contact her again.

16. She dropped the “L” bomb and said she wants to marry me…after two dates.

Went on two dates with a girl two weeks before Valentine’s Day. Get my dick sucked both times. Decide I’m not really into her, so I break it off like a week and a half in of talking to her. She shows up at my apartment on Valentines Day, screaming, crying, and with a present. My roommate takes the present while I hide. Open the present and it’s expensive chocolates and a card telling me she loves me and wants to get married.

17. He wore a bad Hawaiian shirt and had Morgellons disease.

Guy desperate to date me, hits me up all the time on OKC. Our match was 90-something%, my age, but had potato quality pictures. I reluctantly agree to an innocent coffee date.

He shows up in a really bad Hawaiian shirt, sandals with socks, is a 3/10 at most. 15 minutes into the conversation he starts talking about how he’s positive he has Morgellons.

I ran home. TC mark

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