“Relax and have fun. Enthusiasm is sexier than whatever else you could possibly do.”
“Ask your partner what they enjoy and listen. My partner guided me through what she liked on my first time which made it far more enjoyable for both of us.”
“Lick it before you stick it.”
“Touch your partner in places other than the obvious places: back, arms, scalp..etc.”
“Start SLOW. You don’t want to rip anything down there.”
“Foreplay helps a lot. Ignore anyone who says the clitoris is difficult to find. It is literally front and center. Small tight circles with your tongue on there and you can’t go too far wrong. Don’t go sucking on it; some girls are into that, but most are not. Start like a hummingbird trying to get nectar out of a flower; end like a bulldog trying to get the last lick of peanut butter out of the jar.”
“Talk about it, it’s awkward, but you need to know what you both want.”
“Have fun—forget being nervous—well, OK, this is pretty hard the first few times, but you’re having fun, try to enjoy it and not view it as a race to the finish line.”
Learn about yourself first. Find out what you like, where you like it, and how you like it. Actual sex will be different, but you’ll understand the feelings and your pressure points. Being able to guide him ‘a little to the left,’ ‘slower,’ ‘harder’ (not constantly, just once in a while) will increase your enjoyment, which will make you better (there’s a big difference between when a woman is really enjoying herself and when she’s just going through the motion) and it will likely be a turn on for him for you to be into it and giving direction.
Also, don’t over think it. Let your mind turn off and your body do the work. Sex is weird and the second you think ‘What should I do with my hands…?’ You’ll start to feel awkward. If you just let go and go with it you will have a much better time.”
“Communicate. 90% of good sex is knowing what you like, finding out what your partner likes, and making an effort to accommodate both.”
“Pace yourself. Take your time, caress, etc. The key is to enjoy the moment, not being in your head trying to figure out what to do next.
If you are a man, use position changes to stall off ejaculation. It gives you a moment to calm down without saying anything. And don’t drink ahead of time, as that has a negative effect on your erection.
If you are a woman, get out of your head. Stop thinking about what you look/smell/emotional like, and just focus on the sensations of being touched the way you want. If the man does something you don’t like, move his hand gently. If you are really enjoying it, make noises so he keeps doing that. Men are not mind readers, so you have to give him guidance if what he is doing is good or not. Move sensually—do not just lie there—unless he is really doing a terrible job. He will get the point if he does one thing and you act like an ironing board and he does another thing and you are writhing around. You can’t just be still the entire time.
Good sex is not all about the man. The woman has to be able to focus her attention and let the man know what feels good without making him feel bad.
It’s a dance, not a Rubik’s cube. Enjoy yourself. And be safe.”
“Laugh at the weird and awkward bits. Dump ’em if they can’t laugh about it. Best sex ever comes with someone who isn’t insanely serious about it.
When inserting something into someone it can help to put your fingers in the someone first and guide the something along your fingers- that way you don’t miss the mark and end up breaking anyone’s anything.
Touch touch touch touch touch. Don’t go straight for the genitals—that’s boring. Tickle them a little, play with nipples, grab their butt, stroke their thighs. Try different ways of touching in many different areas.
You can stop penetration and go back to other things. So often we see sex as a one lane one-way street. But if you get tired, or you get a leg cramp, or you just aren’t feeling it stop and go back to something else. Sex is a lot more fun if the goal stops being for all involved parties to have an orgasm and instead becomes about giving and getting all of the flavors of pleasure.
Contrary to popular wisdom, there is such a thing as too much lube—but it is really really hard to get there. Better to have too much lube than too little.”
“Put a pillow under her butt if you’re doing missionary. It makes for a better angle for both of you.”
“From my experience with women: Don’t go straight for the pussy, in fact try to go EVERYWHERE else before even putting your hand down there. For most women the anticipation will get them all worked up (in a good way).
That said, my advice for women getting with a man: go straight for the dick.”
“She’s a lot less likely to care about you not lasting a long time if your fingers are magical.”
“Calm the fuck down! It’s not the be-all-end-all human experience. Thinking so will get you way over excited and you’ll probably bust your nut way too soon, or if you’re a girl, it will lead you to some heartbreaking disappointment. Your partner is a human being. So are you. You’re enjoying part of the human experience, something that’s fairly routine for many people, though not necessarily for you…yet. It’s a lovely physical and emotional experience (usually), but it’s not ‘heaven on earth’ and all that shit, especially when you’re a total beginner. So just calm down, enjoy the moments, learn how to do it right as you go, and eventually it will become something amazing, something worth getting your panties in a twist over…with the right person. Of course, telling a virgin to calm down when they’re about to get laid for the first time is about as effective as holding up an umbrella against a tsunami. But try to remember the principle at least.”