1. DON’T get a fake tan.
“Fake tan. I’d rather see a girl whiter than the milky bar kid than wearing fake tan. It just looks so obvious and it’s usually horribly done. Changing your skin tone to match a bag of Cheetos is the furthest thing from attractive.”
2. DON’T try to look like a Kardashian.
“Trying to look like a Kardashian.”
3. DON’T wear dark lip liner, because it makes your lips look like an anus.
“Dark lip liner. It makes your puckered lips look like an anus.”
4. DON’T wear nose rings, because you look like a cow.
“Nose rings. Moo.”
5. DON’T starve yourself to where I can see all your ribs.
“Skinny ass girls, like I can see all your ribs. I want some meat to grab. Eat a fucking sandwich.”
6. DON’T wear shorts that go up into your vagina with your ass cheeks hanging out.
“The shorts that are up into the vagina with ass cheeks hanging out. Not even attractive on the hottest woman ever.”
7. DON’T wear raccoon eye makeup.
“Fucking raccoon eye makeup. Jesus, that shit went away with Culottes…”
8. DON’T wear so much perfume that I feel like I’m being gassed.
“Please for the love of god, gassing me with perfume does not make me think your attractive.”
9. DON’T excessively accessorize.
“Excessive accessorizing, nothing hot about a girl who looks like she’s wearing an entire pawnshop or jewelry store.”
10. DON’T do duck face.
11. DON’T lean forward while trying to push out your booty.
“Leaning forward while trying to push out their booty. It’s not natural, you look like you just fucked up your spine in a car accident.”
12. DON’T wear uncomfortable shoes.
“Wearing uncomfortable shoes. Idk I just feel bad that their feet hurt when they could just wear regular shoes and look just as good. Guys are never like damn did you see those girls heels???”
13. DON’T get collagen injections in your lips.
“I will never understand collagen-injected, freakishly big upper lips. It’s never an improvement. It throws off the whole face.”
14. DON’T get tattooed eyebrows.
“Tattoo eyebrows when the original brows were fine to begin with.”
15. DON’T get plastic surgery.
“Plastic surgery. Most of the time they don’t need it to begin with.”
16. DON’T wear so much lipstick that it ends up on your teeth.
“Massive lipstick that ends up on your teeth. Good makeup creates an illusion of perfection. Bad makeup reminds us it’s there.”
17. DON’T vajazzle your vajayjay.
“Vajazzling their vajayjays.”
18. DON’T add blonde streaks to your hair.
“Adding blonde streaks to their hair. Looks fine if it’s subtle. But good lord, sometimes it’s like the have racing stripes painted on!”
19. DON’T wear long, fake fingernails.
“Long/fake fingernails, even worse with all sorts of crap on them. Makes me want to vomit looking at them.”
20. DON’T shave the sides of your head.
“Shaving the sides of their heads.”
21. DON’T wear high-top jeans.
“Wear high-top jeans.”
22. DON’T wear lip gloss.
“Maybe it’s just me, but fucking lip gloss! No, I’m not staring at your lips because I’m attracted to them when you have it on. I’m staring at them because they always reflect some source of light and it’s freaking distracting! Eyes are distracting too, but in a ‘wow’ kind of way.”
23. DON’T wear those giant glasses.
“I hate those giant glasses girls wear. To me, obstructing half your face isn’t attractive, it’s annoying.”
24. DON’T get breast implants.
“Breast implants/super padded bras/stuffing their bras personally I don’t like big tits I like em kinda small but in the end they’re basically just the figurative cherry on top they don’t really matter compared to her personality.”
25. DON’T wear fake eyelashes.
“Fake eyelashes. They look creepy as fuck.”
26. DON’T cake your face with too much makeup.
“Putting on waaaayyy too much makeup, a bit is fine but when a cake face comes along it’s an absolute no.”
27. DON’T wear wacky lipstick colors.
“Black and yellow and blue lipsticks. Wtf.”
28. DON’T shave off your eyebrows and draw in fake ones.
“Shave off your eyebrows and draw on new ones. That’s some serial killer shit.”
29. DON’T wear high heels.
“High heels. I’ll take a graceful girl in flats over a stumbling obscenity any day. I’m sure runway models would walk like humans in ballet shoes. I just…don’t get it. They’re ugly, they look uncomfortable, and they make you walk like you’re recovering from surgery.”
30. DON’T get tattoos.
31. DON’T get boob jobs.
“Boob jobs and plastic surgery in general. Sorry but you’re not enhancing anything, you’re ruining it.”
32. DON’T wear bangs.
“Short hair. Or bangs.”
33. DON’T buzzcut your hair.
“Buzzcuts and pixie cuts.”
34. DON’T cover yourself in piercings.
“Body piercings. And any other excessive piercings on the ears, nose piercings and lip piercings. Tattoos. Dyed hair that goes way off of their natural hair color. Excessive eye shadow, eye liner or mascara. Excessive facial powdering. Dark or sharp toned lipstick.”
35. DON’T dye your hair outrageous colors
“Dying your hair outrageous colors like bubblegum pink, turquoise blue.”