To say that he means the world to you is an understatement.
He’s not exceedingly good-looking and he doesn’t treat you the nicest, yet he has your attention all the same. He doesn’t know the ways to your heart, yet it belongs to him, every piece of it. He doesn’t love you, yet it doesn’t stop you from loving him so much that it hurts.
Loving him is what you do. You want to be part of his life. You want to be with him.
That’s why it pains you so much when he can’t return your affection.
You can taste the ache of his goodbye in your hello. You can feel the wreck of your heartbreak in his affection. You can see your impending end in the beginning. His love reeks of sin and ruin.
He is the embodiment of everything you want and all that you can’t have. He keeps you constantly on the edge, unable to predict his next move. He makes you resentful when he callously hurt you with no remorse. He makes you fall out of love with yourself when he can’t love you.
Every un-returned text feels like a slow, agonized torture. Every mixed signal leaves you on the verge of losing your mind. Every false hope and broken promise feels like a death sentence.
You want to desperately guard your heart, put up your walls high, and keep a distance from his toxicity that eats you up from the inside. Except that you can’t.
When he reaches out to you, you feel disgustingly happy as through you are on cloud nine. When he makes some effort, you feel like the happiest girl alive, choosing to see what you want to see. When he keeps you as one of his options, you make excuses for him that your patience and understanding would someday convince him to be with you.
But here’s what you need to know.
He may mean everything to you, but there’s nothing you can do to change the fact that you and him are not meant to be.
The right person would talk to you and reply to you properly. He would respect you and treat you as an equal. He would be serious with his intentions towards you and not leave you guessing what he means. He would look forward to spending time with you and wouldn’t leave you missing him.
He would love you without you having to beg for it.
And somewhere deep in your heart, you know this. You know that he’s not right for you and that he’s not serious. You know that you’re not overthinking and your instinct is trying to warn you. You know that you’re not crazy for feeling the way you do, but it’s a sign for you to do something about it.
It may be difficult and unthinkable now but you have to let him go. You have to let him go because he’s not the one for you. You have to give him up to allow happiness into your life. You have to forget him so that you can remember; there was a time before him when you were perfectly fine on your own.