I Want An Old-Fashioned Kind Of Love

girl daydreaming
Courtney Clayton

I want an old fashioned kind of love. And I don’t mean I want to be courted, or to have every door opened for me, or to have someone pay for my every bill because I can do that perfectly on my own.

I don’t need the politeness or the handwritten letters. I don’t need the sunsets and sunrises. I don’t need the lake filled with white swans and the romance all Nicholas Sparks books entail. To be perfectly honest, I don’t need any of that. And I don’t want it.

Because passion fades. Looks fade. Wrinkles arrive. Sickness comes. Death comes. And for me, life is too short for me to waste my time on almost loves and fake relationships. 

When my grandpa died, I remember my grandma saying over and over again that she missed him. She had dementia, and later died of it at the age of 92, but she remembered him. She remembered their love. And she missed it so heartbreakingly much. All she wanted was for him to be there next to her giving her a foot rub and kissing her gently on the cheek.

That’s the kind of love I want.

It’s the kind of love that seeps through your every vein. The kind of love that is gentle and innocent. The kind of love that doesn’t ever stop even when the other person’s heart stops.

I want the kind of love that is just as strong fifty years later from the first meeting. I want my heart to beat out of my chest every single time I see this person smile at me. And I want to remember all the first times. And all the milestones we have gotten through together.

And I want the kind of love that is worth missing. That’s so worth it, even when you lose this person. I want the kind of love that I would never ever regret. I want the kind of love that breathes even when I can’t anymore.

I don’t need the presents, or the gifts, or the gestures. I don’t need to be spoiled. I don’t need the diamond ring, or the designer bags. I don’t need anything. Because if I ever find this kind of love, I won’t need anything else.

I want the kind of love that makes me wake up every day and smile knowing that I still am in love. The kind of love that doesn’t fade no matter the distance or time apart. I want the kind of love that is worth the fight. That’s worth all the hard times and the fights and the dark days. Because this kind of love is imperfect, just like anything.

But I want the kind of love that is ever changing and always evolving.

I want the kind of love that doesn’t grow apart. That doesn’t fade when time causes damages on my looks. I want the kind of love that is authentic. That isn’t superficial. That will see my youth just by looking in my eyes. 

I want old-fashioned love. I don’t need the material shit this world likes to makes us want. I don’t need the one night stands and the string of guys I have saved on my phone.

I just need it to be real. The kind of love that is hard and easy all at once. The true love that is beautiful even amidst the ugly. I want the love my grandparents had. The classic old-fashioned love, that never dies. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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