I hate that I am writing this. I hate that I am even taking the time to write this when you don’t deserve it.
But I do.
I do deserve to write this and then throw the paper away like a crumbled bad idea.
Because ultimately, that’s what it was: a bad idea.
It was a bad idea for me to open up to you and give you a piece of my heart and my time. Because although my heart can heal, my time I can never get back. In a way you robbed me. You robbed me of my time and no matter how much I want it back, I can’t have it back…
It was a bad idea when I decided that you would do. I was lonely and lost and all I wanted was someone to be with. So I thought “he would do” and I’ve let myself believe that I loved you. But that was not love, that was plain loneliness.
I regret the fact that I gave you my heart.
I regret the fact that I gave you my time. But most importantly I regret the fact that I could’ve prevented all of this if only I had opened up my eyes to all of the signs. I knew you weren’t the one and I knew that you were not that kind of guy that would eventually become the one for me in the future, but yet I’ve let myself fall.
I’m not going to say that I hate you because I don’t, but I hate myself for almost giving you the thing that I cherish the most.
Sometimes I dream about you but it only lasts a few seconds and then I cringe thinking “why the heck did I ever do that?”
I wonder why I let you get so close to me. I didn’t want to like you and to be honest, I shouldn’t have liked you to begin with but at that time the thought of finding someone to be with overpowered the fact that you were not the one and you would never be.
Although I regret everything about you, I still want to thank you.
Thank you for showing me how stupid I could be when I just let myself fall for the wrong guy. Now, I will not only be more careful but I will also stop being blinded by loneliness. Thank you for showing me what I’m not looking for and thank you for showing me what I don’t want to become. In a way, you redirected me to the person who I really am and thanks to you, that will eventually lead me to the person that I should be with.
So, to the boy who broke my heart, thank you!