It seems that in the course of modern dating, romance movies, dating apps, and failed connections, we decided that we were asking too much when it came to our relationships. We looked at romantic comedies and pointed out how unrealistic they were. We shared our hearts with people, only to have them push us away, and we decided we couldn’t do that anymore. We learned to present ourselves online and calm, collected, and unaffected, hoping to catch the attention of someone who made our heart race.
Of course, some things may actually be unrealistic. No one expects their significant other to abandon their life and only spend time with them. No one believes that you have to make a big romantic gesture every single day to get the point across. No one expects a person to handle every emotional weight that is thrown at them and not be a bit overwhelmed. We are human, and we understand that some things are a bit too far.
Yet, at some point, we started taking our expectations and burying them into the ground. We took things that were considered basic human decency and moved them to the category labeled “high maintenance.” We decide two texts in a row are overwhelming. We believe that even hearing back from someone at all is clingy. We say that showing too much attraction too soon is strange. We date people and try to act as if we aren’t invested, that they don’t make our days a little better, that they don’t make us smile when they say our names. We try not to become discouraged when it feels the person we’re with only seems partially interested in us because to ask for more is somehow too much.
But listen to me: you deserve someone who is excited about you and isn’t afraid to show it.
You deserve someone who isn’t afraid to say they missed you when they do, even if they saw you the day before. You deserve someone who doesn’t care to hold your hand in public—not because they have to but because they want to. You deserve someone who isn’t afraid to tell you that you look beautiful, that they are proud of you, that they love you.
You deserve someone who recognizes what they have when they have it. That they know that you are an incredible human being who is full of life, stories, adventure, and love, that you can bring something into their life they haven’t experienced before and that they have the privilege to know you on a deep and personal level.
You deserve someone who goes out of their way to show you how they feel, whatever way that is for them. Someone who holds onto you when things get tough, because they believe you’re important. Someone who doesn’t cause you to doubt or wonder how they feel, but finds their way to show you they are absolutely crazy about you.
Because it is not too much to ask of someone to be excited that you’re in their life. You may think the world of them, but you are a world in and of yourself and you deserve admiration, too. They don’t have to scream at the top of their lungs that they love you, but they should realize that getting another day with you is a wonderful thing. They should be just as excited to hear from you as you are from them. They shouldn’t be trying to play games with you or make you doubt your worth. They shouldn’t compare you to their past relationships and pull away from you because you’re not those people. They should be able to take your hand in the moment and be intrigued by the possibility of what you two will do together, the memories you will make, the love you might share, the support and understanding you will hold for each other.
It doesn’t mean they have to fake a feeling, and it doesn’t mean they have to be happy all the time. Everyone has their days where they are sad, angry, insecure, and hurting. They don’t have to shove their feelings aside just to make you feel better. But there is a difference between someone going through a tough time, and someone not putting any effort into a relationship with you. It can be easy to confuse the two to make excuses.
But eventually, it becomes apparent when someone is crazy about you, and when someone is simply tolerating you. It’s obvious when someone is crazy about you, and when they’re indifferent to your presence in their life.
You deserve more than that. You deserve a relationship that shows up for you, that strives for new ways to love you, and is excited about spending another day with you. About creating another memory with you. Someone who is excited to love and be loved by you.
You deserve someone who is just excited about you, period.