I still remember exactly how horrible it felt to watch love leave like I was to blame for some ending that blindsided me.
Those endings are the hardest ones to get over because to you; everything seems so clear and sure and certain. You’ve invested enough in this person to build this life with them as you thought the future was something to be confident in.
But when relationships end and you are blindsided by it, there was probably a battle your partner was facing and uncertainties within themselves when it came to you. Suddenly their future was one they couldn’t picture you a part of. There was probably heartbreak they endured a bit too, realizing their feelings for you have changed too.
It’s never easy being the person who gets hurt, but it’s hard to be the one to hurt someone else, especially when you know how strongly the other person feels for you.
I struggled to find words, unsure of what to say and desperately trying to fix a problem I didn’t know was a problem, but I would have done anything to find the solution. I couldn’t even control the tears that made puddles on my cheeks that I left to fall down.
When a relationship ends, you never quite remember the days after, although you seem to recall every minute of that final conversation like you were recording it. But the days after blend together, and it’s just a mix of tears, pain, and flashbacks.
Until one day you just heal, learning to detach yourself from the person you once knew, and this reality doesn’t include them anymore.
When I get messages from readers about how to heal, I don’t know what to tell them because there isn’t a formula. It doesn’t happen overnight or even in a few weeks or months and sometimes years. But one day, you will wake up, and the choices you make will not be ones out of pain but one that reflects a heart that has healed, and time is the only thing that will get you to that place. I know it’s frustrating and challenging, and it feels like you’re moving in slow motion to get to that place. But if anything took a long time to get over, that just means it was real. And you’ll learn in time even the real things that don’t work out do become worth it.
My hope is with enough time; you’ll heal. You’ll learn to love again, and in doing so, the pain you feel will make sense. I hope you get the closure you deserve, even if that’s simply closure within yourself, and you are learning to do what you have to move forward. My hope is you realize that what you’re feeling right now, although it seems all consuming, it will pass, and you’ll become stronger and better for it. Sometimes temporary people take up permanent places within our heart and you don’t have to forget them. If we were required to forget every love we’ve ever had, then we wouldn’t learn the value in a love that stays and is reciprocated.
My hope for you is that you still hold onto that belief in love and believing that you deserve it because you do. My hope for you is that you don’t allow this heartbreak to change who you are because someone will see you and value you even if another person didn’t. My hope for you is that you learn to love yourself again even though someone else was unable to. You are worthy of love regardless of who chooses you. My hope is you give yourself as much time and tears as you need to, to heal because the only real way to get over lost love is to feel through that ugliness and pain until you can step away from you.
Above all, my hope is you give yourself permission to step away from the pain and heartbreak you never deserved in the first place. Allow for love to enter your life. And it will be a love that is all so familiar. What you deserve is a reflection of all the love you’ve ever given so deeply without guarantees or promises and to love like that takes bravery.