First off I want you to know how proud I am of you. And I know how hard it must have been to walk away.
The hardest part isn’t moving on it’s going to be staying moved on and finally recovering. Forgiving both yourself and someone who might never say sorry. And even though you might never get the apology you deserve it doesn’t mean you can’t heal.
These relationships are about cycles of coming and going. And I’m sure there are times in the past where you almost mustered the strength to leave but something brought you back.
Maybe he promised he would change.
Maybe he blamed you for all of it and you believed him.
Maybe there were threats involved and you felt you had to come back.
Maybe you really did love him at some point and you’re not sure how he even became this monster.
The thing about toxic relationships is they function because of dependency and control.
Walking away is the best and bravest step you can take from gaining back control in your life because I don’t care what he told you or the things he said like ‘you need him.’ You don’t. You don’t need someone who has to tear you down to make themselves bigger. Every mean thing he’s ever said about you isn’t true.
When he told you, you were unlovable and no one will ever take care of you like he does, tell him to go fuck himself. Because he didn’t take care of you, he controlled you and there’s a huge difference there.
Walking away is the first step to learning how to take care of yourself. And that’s the step he never wanted you to take.
He was afraid you’d realize your worth and value because once you did that you wouldn’t need him or have room for him in this new life you created for yourself. And the person you’ll become and the one you’re trying to be is the same one he tried to ruin. The same one he swore he loved you at first.
Manipulation isn’t love.
How dare he be the one to try and ruin someone so wonderful but he didn’t succeed. Because the person you became as a result of this relationship is someone who is kinder. Someone who is more compassionate. Someone who loves harder than anyone knows how to simply because the love you deserved was denied to you. You are someone understands the silence of strangers. Someone who meets others pain with compassion. Someone who deserves the most life has to offer you. Most of all you are someone who doesn’t need him in your life.
You don’t need someone who treats you like property. You don’t need someone who doesn’t have respect for you just because he doesn’t have it for himself. Any person who has self-respect doesn’t treat people unkindly or bad and sure as hell doesn’t abuse them.
You deserve someone who values you. You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally. You deserve someone who looks at you like you’re the best thing that has ever happened to them. And I’m so sorry he didn’t treat you the way you deserved.
Someone’s inability to love you isn’t a reflection of you, it’s a reflection of them. Your value doesn’t decrease simply because he couldn’t see your worth. Because the truth is everyone else around you does.
He told you-you were the weak one but he’s weak for needing someone to control.
I know he broke you down to a point where you can’t even look at your reflection with self-love and self-worth. And I know you think you’re too blame. He made you feel like it was your fault. Like the way, he treated you was the effect of something you caused. But you aren’t to blame for any of this and it isn’t your responsibility to take ownership of the way someone else treats you.
The emotional toll it takes on anyone being in a relationship like that leads to a lot of horrible mental issues that wouldn’t have come to be had you not encountered someone like him. So before you go blaming yourself for the depression or anxiety or suicidal thought and actions in your life, realize that could have happened to anyone had they been surrounded by someone like him.
I know it feels like he ruined you. But the way I see it, it’s just the beginning for you. Because this relationship made you a better person.
You didn’t deserve to endure what you did. The physical, emotional, mental abuse but coming out of this on the other side shows an unwavering strength within you that not many people possess.
So I say again, I’m proud of you. Because you’ve been through hell and back and the good thing about that is that’s the worst of it. Everything moving forward will be easy now.
And there are going to be moments where he tries to lure you back, you have to realize it was him who needed you this whole time.
The next step is forgiving yourself for the person you were, the person who allowed and tolerated that abuse longer than you should have. But you aren’t her anymore.
You are better. You are stronger. The version of yourself you’ve always deserved to be. And becoming that person isn’t going to happen overnight. But if you just take it one step at a time forward, when you look back you’ll smile at how far you’ve come and you’ll never go back.