Toxic Relationships: When He’s The Only Thing You Want But The Last Thing You Need

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When he’s the only thing you want, you’ll ignore his flaws and only see the good stuff.

You’ll disregard every red flag that is so obvious to everyone.

When he’s the only thing you want, every choice will be irrational.

You’ll do absolutely everything to make it work. Even if you look ridiculous doing so.

When he’s the only thing you want, he’ll know it.

He’ll play you every which way because you let him.

When he’s the only thing you want, you’ll build him up at the cost of knocking yourself down and you’ll actually believe it’s you not good enough.

When he’s the only thing you want, you won’t care about anyone else or give anyone a fair shot. Because you truly believe he’s the one.

When he’s the only thing you want, you’ll try too hard.

You’ll care too much.

And you’ll accept way less than you deserve.

And every apology will always be forgiven.

When he’s the only thing you want, you’ll let him control you.

But oftentimes the person you want most is the last one you need.

When he’s the last thing you need, you’ll find yourself hurt and disappointed.

When he’s the last thing you need, you’ll find yourself confused.

When he’s the last thing you need, you’ll find yourself staring at your phone wondering why he hasn’t answered as he plays some game he created the rules to.

When he’s the last thing you need, you’ll give chances no matter how many times you have to.

When he’s the last thing you need, you’ll find yourself doing everything according to his schedule, even if it doesn’t work for you. You find a way.

When he’s the last thing you need, he’ll lead you and you’ll take what you get because you think it’s better than nothing.

When he’s the last thing you need, you’ll watch a shift in how you see yourself because you think it’s you not good enough.

When he’s the last thing you need, he’ll drain you.

He’ll exhaust you.

He’ll destroy you.

And you won’t see it that way.

In fact, you won’t notice it at all. But everyone else will.

They’ll watch as your eyes begin to dim and that smile fades and everything about you changes in an attempt of trying to love someone into liking you.

And their hearts will ache as you wonder what you’re doing wrong.

Their hearts will ache as you tell another story of how he hurt you.

Their hearts will ache to watch you self-destruct with his assistance.

Because no matter what they say they can’t change how you feel about him but they hate that’s he’s changed the way you feel about yourself.

They say toxic and you say, love because you think it’s the real thing.

But I’ll tell you love isn’t this. Love isn’t the need to knock someone down to build yourself up.

Love isn’t manipulation.

Love isn’t control.

Love isn’t confusion or high intense emotions of screaming and fighting but all you see is making up.

Love isn’t hanging up the phone and feeling empty because the person on the other end isn’t being what you need.

It isn’t saying I love you just to hear the words back I know.

You think you need him. You’re addicted to him the way addicts are addicted to hard drugs, swearing they need that one hit.

But with every hit, it makes you weaker. And every day you love him harder will lead to the ultimate self-destruction of yourself. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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