The Honest Truth Is She’s Waiting For You To Miss Her Back

 Charlotte Benjamin
Charlotte Benjamin

The honest truth is she spends more time thinking about you than she’d ever admit.

The honest truth is if you knew how much time she spent talking about you, you’d hear nothing but good things. But you’d probably get as annoyed as her friends do.

The honest truth is if you knew you were every first thought in the morning and every last one at night maybe you’d feel less alone as you lay awake at night.

The honest truth is she barely sleeps because she’s caught somewhere between love and heartbreak. Racking her brain wondering about you and if it’s all in her head but wanting what she feels to be true.

All her best friends know you. From the moment you came into her life, the tone she spoke in was always a little different. Every look was a little more intense. And whether they wanted her to fall for you or not, they look at you a little skeptical because they don’t want to be the one who has to pick her up after all of this.

The honest truth is she cares about you. She cares more than she ever expected and as much as it might scare you, it scares her even more.

I know you see it.

With every kind gesture and every kind word that comes out of her mouth, it’s impossible not to feel it.

Every hug lingers a little longer. Every smile is a little bigger when you’re around. Everything comes back to you.

I know you look at her a little bit different every time, conflicted between what could be good for you and uncertainty of ‘do I you want it right now?’

You keep her close just not close enough. You care about her just not enough to do something about it. The flirting is anything but innocent and you’re kind of stepping back and forth between the line of what is acceptable and what isn’t. There’s an uncertainty between you but the real question isn’t how she feels. It’s always been about you. And it isn’t her you’re unsure of. It’s you, yourself. You look at her and see someone you could be happy with but there’s an apprehension in you. Sometimes you find the right person at completely the wrong time.

The honest truth is if you thought of the perfect person it’d be her but you question whether you can be what she needs and deserves.

While she’s rattling her brain thinking she’s not good enough for you, you’re wondering the same thing. You’re caught somewhere between being selfish and letting someone in who is anything but that.

You both do this dance but neither of you are saying anything.

Maybe you justify this saying this is how she is with everyone. But I think in your heart you know this is a little different than any relationship you’ve have.

Maybe you like having her close knowing someone will always be there for you because if there’s one thing she’s proven it’s a loyalty no one can shake.

There’s something to be said about the type of girl who doesn’t push you one way or another. There is something to be said about the girl with silent patience as you figure out what you need to. And all she’s hoping for is it ends with her.

Every text gets answered quickly. And the honest truth is if you reached out to her first it would make her day.

Every first like may always be her. But the honest truth is you don’t see her face light up when it’s your name that appears on her screen.

Every snap gets opened quickly. There isn’t a story she’s missed watching. What you don’t see is she’s interested in your life but more than that wants to be a part of it.

She answers even when you don’t. She gives even when you aren’t reciprocating it.

But even the best people get tired.

She’s tired of giving the best of herself even though you didn’t ask for it. She’s tired of hoping you wake one day and realize what she’s realized from the moment she met you. She’s tired of trying to prove she’s the one good enough for you.

But she sticks it out because she thinks you’re worth it. Even when her friends tell her she’s wasting her time and deserves more or someone better. She doesn’t want better she wants you and only you.

The honest truth is her confidence has been shaken a bit with you.

But there’s going to a be a day where she realizes there’s nothing more she can do. There is going to be a day where she walks away. And it’ll break her heart to do so but it’s more heartbreaking standing in front of that same person every day and with uncertainty.

And when her silence makes you wonder and your phone hasn’t gone off with her name remember all she did before. You’re going to wonder if she still cares. And maybe you’ll send a text just to see if she answers. The honest truth is if she gets to a point where she’s strong enough to ignore you like you did so often with her, it’ll kill her.

You’re going to assume she’s moved on and maybe met someone else. But the truth is no matter how many days pass, she’s probably still thinking about you. She probably still checks your social media from time to time, even though she hasn’t liked anything. Maybe her name no longer appears when you make a story but she wants to look at it. Maybe she doesn’t come around like she used to with no explanation as to why. And she’s probably stopped talking about you to her friends.

The honest truth is it’s probably breaking her heart only she won’t admit it.

This silence is her loudest scream that she misses you and wants you back in her life. But she’s caught somewhere between missing you and respecting herself enough not to show it.

The honest truth is she misses you more than anyone but she’s waiting for you to miss her back. TC mark

Kirsten Corley

Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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