Thought Catalog

A Non-Comprehensive List Of Things I Do Instead Of Texting You

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1. Actively ignore your snapchats. Always sure to never open them until they’ve been sitting there for at least an hour.

2. Remind myself you don’t give a shit if I watch them or not and this overthinking is borderline pathetic.

3. Pick my hangnails. Wonder if it’s possible to pick your cuticles so much that they stop growing.

4. Take baths. And then post subtle leg pics of said baths on my Snapchat story where I refresh to see if you’ve watched it.

5. Take nudes that I delete. Examine my body inch by inch. Wonder if this body, this me, would feel the same sort of electricity being touched by you. Wonder what it would feel like if, and I mean if I let you.

6. Drink rosé. Pretend to love it. Pretend I don’t miss hard alcohol and bad decisions and people who made me chase them.

7. Drink water. Go to bed early.

8. Wake up even earlier. Wonder if despite the sun still being down, you’re somehow awake too.

9. Text my friends about you. Reminisce over how disposable you made me feel. Talk about things like “lack of emotional maturity” and “wrong for you” and “bad timing” until our thumbs get tired from typing out the clichés.

10. Swipe on Tinder. Make my bio something self-deprecating so as not to attract anyone who would believe I like myself.

11. Go on Tinder dates. Feel bored about it.

12. Ignore people from Tinder. Feel apathetic about it.

13. Show my friends your Instagram. Get mildly upset when they remark how “unfortunately hot” you are. Wonder if I’m less hot. Wonder if you’d still want me. Put too much stock into it.

14. Be insecure. Put my own self-worth on an unobtainable pedestal that’s only achievable by beating “best sex I’ve had in forever” or “running my own company”. Focus too much on it.

15. Masturbate. Feel apathetic about it. Feel anti-feminist for feeling that way.

16. Text someone exactly like you. In every way. Someone who embodies who you are but who loves me and would move mountains for me…but who I don’t love back. And who despite thinking for a moment I could, I never will.

17. Ghost him. Drop off the face of the earth. Feel again, apathetic about it.

18. Sleep too much. Feel groggy.

19. Not sleep enough. Consider saying, “Are you awake?” every time.

20. Go to text you. Rack my brain for something clever to say. Something to remind you that I’m a catch, and I’m “not like other girls”, and I’m deserving of your time. Something to make you remember why I’m me and I’m different and I’m special and I’m something better. Something to make you say, “I’ve missed you.”

21. Remeber I deleted your number. So that’s that.

22. Sulk.

23. And then lather, rinse, repeat. TC mark

Essential Poetry For Enlivened Souls

This is for the women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea. This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts. This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. This — is for you.

“When Janne has a new poem written, I shut my life down to do nothing but read it, and then when I turn my life back on, everything is better.”
James Altucher

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Cut yourself some slack. One of the biggest regrets most people have about their 20s is that they didn’t enjoy them more. And I’m not talking about “buy more expensive dinners, take another trip to Thailand” type of enjoyment. I mean having the ability to take a deep breath and sip coffee in the morning knowing that you have done, and are doing, your best.

“These essays are slowly changing my life, as the title promises. As my friends’ birthday come along, they will all be receiving a copy of this wonderful book.” – Janie

Amazon: 4.8/5 stars
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