Wait a minute! Who is leaking MY nude photos! If those celeb nude photos, supposedly “deleted” but leaked via a flaw in the iCloud, got released, then where the hell are mine?
Mine are super good! I don’t have someone handy to TAKE them because duh, I’m single, but I do a pretty good job with the TimerCam app and the selfie flip on my phone. I mean, Jennifer Lawrence’s are pretty sexy, and Kate Upton’s boobs look exactly as awesome as I thought they would, but I think my naked selfies are pretty legit. They’re just floating around in cyberspace in that “cloud” that literally no one understands, I guess. Well, if they end up in your hands, have fun!
You wanna take the perfect nudies to send to whoever via text message? Have I got some tips for you.
1. Don’t go fully naked. I mean, do you really want to send a full-frontal totally-naked shot to someone? No, you don’t. Start with a nipple, or even the suggestion of boobs with a bare shoulder or a sheer tee.
2. Stay within your comfort zone. No person is worth you feeling ashamed or nervous. If you don’t feel comfortable sending them photos, do not do it.
3. Know your angles. Do you look best from the left side? Then always aim to show that off. Also, an angled body tends to look slimmer and more flattering.
4. Butt selfies are really hard. I’m still trying to master this, but I have found they look best when shot kneeling, with the camera flipped “selfie style” and held low, but angled. Your butt looks bigger that way, and any cellulite is hidden by the reverse camera. Twisting around is tough, though. Hold the pose, America’s Next Top Model!
5. One of my go-to pics is just the top of whatever underwear I’m wearing that day. For some reason, just the pic of my navel ring and some lace-topped underwear sends dudes into a frenzy.
6. Another good one is the bath photo. Droplets of water, or suds, on your skin is always sexy.
7. Accentuate your best assets. Mine are my boobs. I generally always focus on boobs.
8. KEEP YOUR SOCKS OUT OF THE PHOTO.
9. Hard nipples = always better.
10. Lighting is key. You don’t want FULL light, but if it’s too dark, what’s the point? And always, always, refrain from using the flash.
11. If you’re taking a mirror photo, clean the mirror off, please.
12. Don’t show your face unless you really trust the person. I’m just saying that sometimes shit happens and things get sent around. Then again, don’t send nudes to someone you don’t trust, either. Unless you don’t care about it, and then by all means, send away.
13. Be a tease. The top of a stocking, a bare leg or just the hint of nipples through a T-shirt can be way sexier than a totally naked pic.
14. Send ‘em to your girlfriends for critiques. I do this. Getting sexy pics from my girls is fun, and it’s a good way to build up confidence.
15. Make YOURSELF feel sexy. Wear what makes YOU feel good, and it’ll show through in your pictures. And if all else fails, black lace is a good place to start.