She’s really funny, but not in a way that just girls think are funny, she’s just really funny,” said the man who most recently regurgitated his chauvinism on to me.
I say “most” recently because as a female comedian, I hear statements like this constantly. The specimen felt as if he was praising this woman’s career. Instead, in one fell swoop he stripped away any validity to what women find funny, as if to say what women find funny isn’t actually funny at all, it’s just silly or mindless. He actually thought he could legitimize this woman’s career by comparing it to what men find funny: a funny that is better, smarter, a higher level of philosophy. *Cue GIF of Blair Waldorf rolling her eyes.*
We talk about women in backhanded compliments. We examine them, pick them apart and even weigh their appearances and gender over their intellectuality: traits which should be infinitely separate. Now, before you “NOT ALL MEN” me, or try to explain over this article that you cannot talk over because it is an article on the internet, I want to show you some comments men have said to me regarding my career as a female comedian, and why they are important.
“I hate Emma Stone because her lips are weird. I would never want her sucking my dick.”
REAL. THAT IS A REAL COMMENT. Someone actually said this to me and expected me to laugh, and I did, because I was 18 and he was in his late 20s, so I figured he was an experienced comedian. But, after having 4 years to mull this bullshit over…
Let me get this straight. You don’t like Emma Stone because you can’t picture her sucking your dick? That’s funny, because I only listen to musicians who I can picture going down on me, which is why I never listen to Simon and Garfunkel.
In the theater watching a trailer for The Other Woman: “I bet 98% ‘a the people that show up to that crap are women.”
Yeah, cause women like crappy stuff. Let me try and level with you. You’re saying the content of this movie revolves around women; this is a terrible trailer for an equally horrible movie; thus, this is the perfect opportunity for girls to get together and dress in fluffy bunny slippers and have a pillow fight while masturbating on each other. Just because this is a “crap” movie, does not mean women are going to come flocking to it like it’s an open casting call for the Lizzie McGuire reboot.
It has become so commonplace for people to say they hate actors like Cameron Diaz or Drew Barrymore because they’re “too girly.” How is that an insult? You’re allowed to hate Drew Barrymore for the “lath blatht mathcara” commercials, but not because she’s appealing to women. Being appealing to women doesn’t correlate to being a thing of “crap.”
If being “girly” is an insult, and dude-comedy is so much “better,” then women must enjoy sitting through movies that are an hour and a half-long dick joke, right? Do you think we like seeing a cast of men pursuing a girl who they treat as an object with no real character, views, opinions, conviction or ability to make a decision on her own? Do we love to see the only girl character in a comedy as just athing to be pursued, and the men will change her mind, and they will get her because she has no choice, because they are men, and she is a thing?
“I actually like Leslie Mann because she’s funny AND hot.”
The specimen continued, “she’s cool, but she’s not manly cool, she’s just really hot.” Well what if Leslie Mann was manly (pun)? If she was butch, would that somehow detract from her “cool” dude-funny image? In fact, what does Leslie Mann or Emma Stone’s appearance have absolutely anything to do with their comedic timing? Girls don’t think Seth Rogen is funny because he’s relatable AND fuckable. Sorry, Seth Rogen, I’m just trying to stop the oppression here. And I would still make out with you god what am I saying.
“I hate that I can’t say I hate Lena Dunham without sounding like I hate women.”
I’m sorry, do you hate women? Then why are you ending your sentence with that defensive tone? Saying something like, “I don’t hate women, but…” is the same as saying “I’m not a racist, but…” As soon as you say that, we all know you’re a racist fuck. Giving that “disclaimer” is like asking for our sympathy about how hard it is to live a life where someone will jump down your throat the second you express hatred towards women. Wow, that must be so hard for you to feel oppressed by a society where you can’t say what you truly feel because someone might stereotype you based on your gender. What a burden for YOU, MAN.
Stop acting all, “god, it’s stressing me out that I can’t say whatever I want without sounding like a total dick.” BREAKING: You are a total dick.
“You’re funny for a girl.”
This ejaculation of ignorance is important to me because it was said to me when I got hired for my first writing job. It was the first time a man who was a few years my elder, more experienced, and someone I looked up to told me I was funny. At the time, it validated me and my career aspirations. It made me feel like I could actually succeed in pursuing comedy as a career. It wasn’t until years later when I felt shame for believing these words were something of a compliment to me. It’s heartbreaking that we live in a society where saying “like a girl” is a way to discredit or reduce someone—not to mention, a society of young, impressionable girls, like me, who are raised to not immediately pick up on the backhanded compliment there.
This just in: My vagina isn’t telling the jokes! If you think I’m funny, you can just say, “you’re funny.” Don’t try to make me out to be “cute” or “adorable.” I want you to look closer and hear how derogatory these words are. It’s time to stop criticizing females based on their appearance. Stop criticizing them based on gender. Stop using “girly” as a derogatory term. And for the love of God who is probably a woman closely related to Angelina Jolie, stop saying “girly” like it’s a bad thing.
I’ll leave you with this nugget of wisdom:
“I don’t like Whitney Cummings because her whole shtick is just hating on men.”
Wow, an entertainer who oppresses the opposite sex? God, that must be crazy for you to sit through. See: all of entertainment.