Jessica Winters

“I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!…OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!”

“He was wearing an adult diaper and liked to be spanked.”

A dozen of the most elaborate, enduring, and heartwarming expressions of true love in world history.

“I ended up in the hospital after my hair caught fire.”

“It was as if I were being pushed into a tunnel of stars.”

“Why do you guys have to constantly touch your junk???”

“Telling me to smile. Don’t tell me to smile. I don’t know you.”

“We got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of her vagina.”

“After sex, I just wanna snuggle, have a bite to eat, and start binge-watching some Netflix.”

“I make fun of them. Who doesn’t? Small penises are hilarious!”

“It’s an empty hole in my body that feels bottomless some days, and will never be filled.”

“When I got home I took a shower, got in bed, and wished it never happened.”

“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” —Benjamin Franklin

“The problem is that I am now totally in love with her.”

“I hate that I wasn’t the first guy to kiss you.”

“I’m now—much to my husband’s frustrations—earning more money than him. There is hope out there!”

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
—Marilyn Monroe

“I am eroding his self-confidence.”