30 Harsh Truths About Love And Attraction

30 Harsh Truths About Love And Attraction

These truths from Ask Reddit will hit hard.

1. The saddest thing in a relationship (that isn’t outwardly awful/abusive) is when someone dates another person because that person likes them. It’s like telling yourself that you aren’t good enough, so let’s settle for this person. I’ve seen a lot of ruined friendships because one person mistook the attraction of being loved with actually being in love.

2. Closure doesn’t make feelings disappear.

3. Love doesn’t mean that you will always agree with each other and will never have an argument.

4. Your partner is going to be attracted to other people but as long as he/she respects you, you don’t have to feel intimidated by this.

5. No matter how intelligent or rational you are usually, it all goes out the window once you are attracted enough to someone. You will behave in irrational and downright STUPID ways. Do things you can’t explain. And afterwards wonder what the hell you were thinking.

6. Love is a choice you make every day. Don’t follow the butterflies, those will come and go. Find someone who you think will make a dependable and honest partner.

7. Just because you love someone, there’s absolutely no guarantee they’ll ever love you back.

8. You’ll always have doubts, it’s inevitable.

9. If you see crazy coming, CROSS THE STREET. I don’t care how hot they are or how good the sex is. I am saving you heartache, listen to me and learn from my pain.

10. Sometimes even the kind of love that shakes you to the core, that becomes a part of who you are, still can’t break the chains of circumstance. Requited yet unobtainable love is a potent flavor of heartbreak.

11. If it’s not an enthusiastic hell yes, then it’s a no. And I don’t mean that just in a sexual way. Obviously if someone isn’t excited about sexy times, then you absolutely need to stop. If someone says they want to hang out and blows you off for several hours then it’s a no.

12. Never never NEVER chase after someone. If they don’t actively like and show interest in you, you cannot make them. No scheme, strategy or gesture will make them want you and you cannot change yourself to make them want you. Fortunately you really, truly don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t like you just the way you are. Unfortunately this truth is impossible to believe or fully understand until you have met someone who likes you just the way you are, and that’s how dating apps, expensive clothing brands, diet companies, and beauty supply stores stay in business.

13. Attraction comes and goes, but routine is the enemy #1. In long term relationships and in marriage you need to actively swim against the current of routine. You will only bring yourself to do it if you love your partner and yourself, because it‘s a constant struggle.

14. You can still love someone, but no longer be “in love” with that someone. A backwards slide from lover to friend.

15. “Love is all you need,” is a crock of shit. Love is important in a relationship, but people can love each other very much and make each other absolutely miserable. There’s more to relationships than a feeling.

16. Some people are wonderful during the honeymoon phase only to show their true colors once they have you…

17. No matter how much you love someone, how much you have in common, no matter how perfect you think you are for each other, none of that matters if they don’t feel the same way.

There is no perfect combination of words or actions that can sway them if they’re not interested. Often trying too hard only makes you seem desperate, and undesirable. If you don’t learn to take ‘no’ for an answer, you’re only going to destroy your friendship.

18. You will never be 100% sure that your partner won’t cheat on you, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it from happening.

19. Love and lust are two very different things. Lust will always fizzle out eventually. You better have something to fill the gap or your relationship is doomed.

20. Best case scenario, you both die at exactly the same time.

Normal scenario: one of you dies first, leaving the other alone and heartbroken.

Worst case scenario: you split, leaving one or both of you heartbroken.

It’s a classic lose lose lose situation.

21. There is always one partner that loves more.

22. Ditch your expectations. Sounds fatalistic, but I mean it like: don’t expect your partner to become someone else for you, but cherish who they are.

23. Looks DO matter. They’re not the only thing that matters, but people who say looks don’t matter are either liars or fools or trying to soothe your feelings.

24. There are WAY more narcissistic assholes out there willing to lie their asses off to manipulate you than you’d ever believe and that’s scary.

25. The quirky parts of someone’s personality that make you fall in love with them, are often the reasons you fall out of love with them.

As people grow and you are around them more, the quirks will often become, or seem to become, more exaggerated. So they will start to annoy you.

Before long, the thing you loved them for, you will dislike them for.

26. Nothing beats time. The strongest feeling now could mean nothing in a few years. Having said “I’ll love you forever” in the past still haunts me to this day. I meant it, but was I wrong.

27. Being in love with a loveless, selfish person can be a toxic, painful trap. If you’re not able to see the person for what he/she is and leave, you’ll be forever bound to that person and will become afraid to leave. The longer you stay, the more “comfortable” it gets for you.

28. It’s ok to be a bit shallow when selecting a partner. Attraction is a veeeeery important part of a relationship. Don’t settle down with someone who is a great person, but you’re not attracted to.

29. A lack of important communication in the beginning of a relationship might just be the thing that ends it.

30. Love isn’t a fairytale. I mean, two people can love each other dearly, but that doesn’t automatically mean everything works out. Love ain’t enough on its own. It takes work, real work for that — and sometimes, even while still feeling love for each other, and with both parties trying their hardest — it just doesn’t work sometimes. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.