50 Singles Reveal Why They Split Up With The Person They Thought They'd Marry
http://bit.ly/2CDPNVA
Cataloged in Romance

50 Singles Reveal Why They Split Up With The Person They Thought They’d Marry

Love doesn’t always last. Unfortunately, these men and women from Ask Reddit know that firsthand.

1. Completely unable to manage money. Spent every dollar he came across on gaming & weed and constantly put off paying important bills. Would’ve dragged us both into bankruptcy if I would’ve stayed with him.

2. I moved across the world for him. He kept telling me “one day I want to propose.” Or “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.” That proposal never came, and I was having visa issues, so after a few years I gave up and moved back.

3. He was obsessed in making me look/speak better. He would control my food intake and make me exercise everyday. Whenever I was out with him I had to wear heels, dress well, and he would point out what other girls were wearing that I should try on. Putting makeup is a must even when I’m on a plane.

I wasn’t allow to speak other language aside from english and not allowed to watch dramas that were trash to him.

My last straw was him asking me to consider getting a boob job when I lost so much weight from all the exercise/controlled diet. I realized I cannot live this way anymore and he will never be satisfied ever.

Even though I still love him, I was mentally drained and constantly felt that I was ugly and unworthy.

4. We had been dating for three years, constantly talked about getting married and what our life will be like. He went back into the military and wouldn’t commit to having a long distance relationship with me. Because it would be “way too distracting when he’s in the field and I pop up on his mind” and he didn’t want to commit to a relationship while in the army. So we broke it off.

The real kicker is that a couple months after being away in another state, he started dating a new girl who apparently lives in the same state as me.

5. After 2 years of constantly forgiving him for cheating on me, it wasn’t until I needed to be hospitalized that I realized he didn’t love me. When I needed him the most he told me, “I’m sorry, I can’t take you being in there. It makes me too sad. Call me when you get out.” So when I did, I told him I just wanted to be friends, but I had nothing against him. Literally a day after I called him and told him that, he made FB official post dating some other girl. I’m married now and really happy in my relationship. I definitely dodged a bullet.

6. The relationship died.

We had very different ideas of what life should be like. For example, he had said he’d break up with me if I didn’t get a college education. He also gave me ultimatums (twice) about moving with him to a small town- both times. At the second time, I let him carry out the ultimatum.

7. Found credit card statement on the floor once, just before a family holiday. £thousands in debt that he’d never told me about. I’d been paying the rent entirely by myself in a job I hated and I was too young and naïve (23) to realise he wasn’t an honest man. That was it.

8. She actually was quite the rude person and believed anyone who told her that acting this way is unacceptable is someone trying to control her. She would always deflect and couldn’t just accept that people don’t like blunt and rude ass people in general.

9. My mom was dying. It was my last Thanksgiving with her. Without discussing it with me first, he had his mom buy him plane tickets to spend Thanksgiving with his parents, and asked if I wanted to go with him. No. I am not missing the last Thanksgiving I can ever spend with my mom. We will have our whole lives to spend Thanksgiving with your family after this. You’re leaving me to face this one alone, or to abandon my mother on her last Thanksgiving?

It was suddenly very clear (being happy to cancel wedding plans to do it later, and many other things) that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, but wouldn’t break up with me, because my mom was dying, and he was too nice a guy to dump his fiancée who’s mom was dying.

To his credit, we remained close friends, and he continued to be there as my best friend and emotional support through her death, and some months following. Although it was 8 years ago, we still chat/text a few times a year, and catch up on how our families are doing.

10. He cheated. And got another woman pregnant. Then called me a few weeks later asking me to be the child’s god mother, because he “knows I’m really good with kids.”

11. He wasn’t who I thought he was and I wasn’t who he wanted me to be. He was depressed, obese and had huge self-worth issues and some trouble with alcohol abuse. The relationship ended up being more of a caretaker-patient thing with him making me feel guilty when I left home for work and spending spare time with someone else was unthinkable. Short term I figured he’d get better, but he refused therapy. He tried starting 4 studies but lost interest sooner with each of them. With this getting progressively worse for 9 years in the end he had no diploma, no income, was heavier than ever, drinking daily and relying on me for everything.

Leaving was difficult, but it was the best thing I could have done for him. He finally started taking responsibility, started therapy and now he’s financially independent, taking care of his body and doing all kinds of active things with friends. In the meantime I’m happily taken and feel a lot more free to pursue my goals and dreams with a partner who’s also aiming for the stars.

12. Both of us were alcoholics.

I met him at age 22, he was 26. Love at first sight. It was immediately understood without even speaking of it that we were just going to be together now, and that was that for 2.5 years.

I have still never met someone I have loved entirely as much as I loved him. And when I broke things off with him, I honestly think a piece of my soul died. Because I have truly never been the same since.

My mom and dad were both alcoholics and it fucked up my childhood. I had a drinking problem myself that I didn’t understand yet. My drinking increased when we began dating because it seemed so normal to indulge more with him. The more I drank, the more neurotic and needy I became. The more he drank, the more he just faded away from the world.

He always drank to the point of blacking out and I hated it. I would see his facial expression go kind of blank while we were out, and I’d know he was blacked out, like, nothing there, dead behind the eyes. And I’d wonder where the guy I loved was. I’d tell him we needed to go home and he’d brush it off and refuse. He had to close the bar down no matter what. He’d just always get so fucking hammered.

Seeing the man I loved really drunk would always trigger this really lonely and dark sadness inside me. I felt invisible like I did to my parents my whole childhood. And he drank like, everyday. He never slept at night so much as he actually just kind of passed out. I always felt like I was sleeping next to a ghost when he was passed out from drinking. I felt like I was dating him, the perfect person, and then also his twin, who had nothing to give and no life inside of him. It was just a shell of him. It broke my heart constantly.

After some time of cyclical arguments (usually while both of us were drunk) I started to realize he didn’t feel like he had an issue, and I wasn’t sure he would ever face it. I wanted to face my issues. I wanted a better life and better mental health. He was not in favor of making changes.

He had socialized with the same group of guys since he was 5, all of whom drank to blackouts regularly, and his dad was a big drinker. They were from a privileged, upper middle class kind of circle where binge drinking was just normal because they went to more expensive bars and only drank craft beers and whatnot. Idk how to explain it. But there was a disconnect there between us. There was no part of his life that didn’t revolve around alcohol and I knew if I didn’t get away from that lifestyle, I was going to end up miserable or maybe even dead.

I still fight for my sobriety every day. He just got married last month. I saw photos from the wedding, where he had a drink in his hand in every photo and the same blank, drunk expression I could never cope with. I wish him the best, and I still miss him everyday. I fucking hate alcohol for all of the shit in life that it absolutely destroys.

13. We had been dating for over 2 years, and engaged for about 6 months.

Then one night, she bit me twice. Then I slapped her once, and she called the cops.

We were drunk (of course) and got in to an argument about something stupid, and I wanted to let it all go until the morning, when we could talk about it when we were sober. But she was doing that thing she had been doing for a while at that point…refusing to relent until she felt she won the argument. I was going to sleep at her apartment that night, but when she wouldn’t stop arguing, I decided to get up and leave.

As I was starting to put my pants on, she tackled me in a fit of rage. Then she bit my arm hard…so much so that she drew blood (I still have the scar.) I squirmed away, but she grabbed my legs and then she bit me again, hard, this time on my ass cheek. (I still have that scar too, only it’s bigger.)

The second bite she wouldn’t let go… gnashing on my ass like a dog with a chew toy. So I grabbed her hair, and pulled, then slapped her.

She was SHOCKED that I would slap her. SHOCKED. She called the cops. They showed up, saw all the blood and that I was the only one bleeding, then arrested her. I was actually kind of surprised by that, but they were reasonable individuals.

I did not want to press charges. I was done with her, and saw no need for them at that point. Turns out the town she lived in has a domestic violence law that compels the prosecutor to file charges without needing me to press charges. She took a deal that put a misdemeanor on her record (vs. felony battery), and a years probation.

About 6 weeks after this incident, I met the woman who is now my wife. This November will be our 22nd wedding anniversary. And in all that time, she has never bitten me, and I have never slapped her.

14. I asked him what I meant to him and he answered “Nothing.”

15. We moved in together too young, and tried to be adults too fast. I should’ve known things were not going to work out when he tried to convince me to buy a house with him at 19. NINETEEN. (In Southern California. On two retail employees’ wages. Like, WHAT?!?)

We were high school sweethearts. He was smart and ambitious. But he also loved to spend money, and worked insane hours to try to make up the deficit. After we moved in together, his work schedule changed so I was working morning shifts, and would literally pass him in the driveway as he left for his night shifts. There would be several days in a row where we wouldn’t see each other, and when we did see each other we were too broke to do anything fun.

We went on a trip with his family after a big fight, where I begged him to not ask me to marry him. I told him I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore, I was unhappy, he seemed unhappy. I wasn’t stupid. I knew why he suddenly wanted to know my ring size. I hadn’t been happy for months, and had become a workaholic to try to keep up with the expenses.

I wanted to see if the vacation would bring a spark back into our relationship, then maybe we could work ourselves back into normalcy.

He didn’t listen, and asked me to marry him in front of his entire family and surrounded by strangers, hundreds of miles away from home. I was 21, and had no idea how to say no. Our engagement lasted 9 days, because that’s all I could stomach while thinking about spending my life with someone I wasn’t in love with.

I have no idea what he’s up to now, but I’ve found my soulmate so I’m peachy keen.

16. After 4 years of relationship, her parents couldn’t come into terms with my religion and caste, they completely opposed our marriage, the girl couldn’t sacrifice her parents’ relationship and so she sacrificed me for them. Welcome to 21st century India

17. She was already married. We worked together at job you couldn’t wear rings. She hid it very well. I was the other guy. Found out when I proposed and had to tell me she’s married.

18. Every time we fought she would throw her engagement ring somewhere, make me get it, then make me plead with her to put it back on. Even for very small disagreements and even in public. That was the final straw. It was very fucked up feeling begging somebody to be with me all the time. It gave he huge insecurity issues.

That was on top of the fact she began to call me names and hit me a lot. It all started after we got engaged for some reason. Things were so perfect but as soon as she got that ring everything changed. Suddenly she what I mentioned along with calling me a loser, piece of shit, and ugly a lot.

19. It was too soon to say whether we’d get married, but I was hoping it would turn out that way. He moved for a job, and didn’t commit to doing some of the most basic long distance relationship things. It’s terrible to have to break up with someone you want to love because they don’t have the decency to break up with you themselves.

20. I’m pretty sure he lost his mind.

He was constantly accusing me of cheating, going through my phone and emails, jumping down my throat if I ran late at work. Calling my work when he found something he felt was incriminating to berate me and threaten to throw me out.

He took texts and emails he found between me and another guy, whom I was dating during a 9 month period where we’d broken up, and used that to berate me and call me a whore because even though we were BROKEN UP “we still meant something to each other and I shouldn’t have done it.”

He was so cruel. He’d put me down and make me cry, then mock me for it. Anytime I tried to defend myself he’d tell me he was the only thing standing between me and standing in line at the Salvation Army and to be careful how I spoke to him.

I was on my knees at one point, begging and crying for him not to leave me. I loved that man like a senseless fool.

Everything kind of blew up when I went to the beach for a day with a friend and he basically accused me of slutting my way up and down the coast.

It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had reached the event horizon for my tolerance of emotional manipulation and abuse.

Huge argument ensued, we broke up. I got home and he’d already packed my shit and I left right then.

I was homeless for a bit, but I had my dignity and self respect back.

21. She cheated on me. Though, going through that made me learn a lot about myself and readjust my standards. So in an odd way, I’m thankful that happened.

22. He’s an absolutely wonderful dude. He just thought I was a different person than I really am. He and I met during a very stressful point of my life, and he thought that if I quit doing all the things that made me “me,” like volunteering, being a workaholic, helping my family, I’d be perfect. In the end, when the crazy subsided, I landed a job that makes me the happiest ever, via the volunteering I was doing, and my family stabilized and isn’t quite as crazy as before.

We’re both married to other people now, and thanks to social media I can see that he chose well, and is super happy. I’m happy here, and honestly, I’m really grateful for the way it all worked out. Nothing wrong at all with him, and he deserves all the goodness in life he has.

23. We figured out that while we love each other, we don’t like each other as much as we used to. We were becoming less and less close (physically and emotionally) and even getting lost in our travel-adventures could only keep us together for so long. Oddly, she could be one of those sweetest most thoughtful people you’ll ever meet, but could flip a switch at the silliest times. Real mind fuck.

Breaking it off (after 6 years) was one the most adult, and most painful things I’ve ever done in my life. I made 5 women cry that day, her, our moms and my sisters (I also cried like a girl.) I half-joke that I may end up just dying alone to avoid a mess like that again.

24. She cheated on me. Multiple times. On her trip to Europe. Which she is still on. I saw the Facebook messages on the computer where she was still logged in. Then she lied when I called her on it. This all happened about 4 hours ago. I’m at a bit of a loss… I was planning our engagement. I’m glad it happened now I guess. Very rough though.

25. It got to a point where He wasn’t working or going to school, and just totally lacked ambition. After all the support and trying to push him to do more, I was done.

26. I wasn’t a priority and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to commit. If after four years you don’t know what you want, then I think it’s pretty clear.

27. As we grew, his charm dissipated. When I was 18/19, he didn’t have a job so we could always be together. He was messy, bit so was I. He played video games day but it was fun!

At 27, I was working full time and getting my BA. He was still jobless. I worked my ass off. He played video games. I cleaned the house. He didn’t clean shit. I grew up. He didn’t.

28. I didn’t want any kids and I wanted to be allowed to work. He wanted a housewife and a large family. I was willing to settle on a compromise: 2 kids and I still got to work. He left me for it because I wouldn’t be exactly what he wanted. He married someone else later who did exactly what he wanted and he was miserable with her and was attempting to take a mutual friend as his mistress. I dodged a bullet.

29. I asked her to marry me and she said no. It’s been 7 months since then and now she’s trying to get back with me saying she’s made a mistake. Said I was the only voice of reason in her life and she feels so lost without me. I don’t even know how to feel about that, I don’t wanna be anyone’s savior.

30. Our relationship was 90/10. I would do everything. Take care of everything. Pay for everything. Always be the first one to message, or call or suggest plans.

She put hardly any effort into us at all and I know i deserve more than that.

31. We had an intense attraction to each other but there were 2 reasons I had to walk away– First is he was very jealous and controlling. I couldn’t say hi to someone in passing without getting grilled about who he was, how I knew him, was I talking to him secretly, did I wish I was dating him, etc.

Second our ambitions didn’t match up. I wanted more out of life than he did. I wanted the professional degree and he wanted to work on cars. There is nothing wrong with that at all but our paths to our preferred destinations took us in very different directions.

I still think if him and wonder but have been happily married for more than 25 years.

32. She became very dependent on me. She didn’t have many friends, nor any opportunities to go out and make any. She didn’t have drive to do anything rather just sit at home and do nothing. No motivation to play any sports or get a job. This sabotaged my life as I’d always be spending time and money on her because she couldn’t afford anything herself. She ended being an emotional toll as she had mental issues and I thought leaving her would just make it worse. But I’m so glad I left. It lifted a weight off my shoulders and allowed me to achieve a lot more than I was when I was with her

33. Different priorities and my one-sided hope. I was in early 30s and he was in mid 20s, been friends foe years, dated for half a year, met his friends and families. I had high hope we would get closer and get married. He still wanted to enjoy life, I wanted to settle down. Our family opposed. And that’s it. The end of our friendship as well.

34. I realized after 6 years that we weren’t happy. The relationship had gone nowhere, he would rarely communicate, and I was getting needy due to neglect. One day something finally clicked in my head and I ended it. It was a mutual ending that went way too smoothly. The fact that it didn’t seem to affect him made it a lot easier. But we’re still friends and I’m happy I still have him in my life.

35. The way we deal with problems (personal and interpersonal) is different. He likes to hash it out then and there, while I like to ruminate process for a few days while I form my thoughts on it. It makes it seem like he’s confrontational and I’m passive-aggressive, which began to wear on us. It was fine at the time, but we knew in ten years we wouldn’t be able to stand one another.

36. I think he cheated on me. I honestly thought I could get over cheating but as it was proven, I can’t. I could never trust him again and there is no relationship without trust. He also took me for granted and I am not going to accept someone who is that comfortable with making me miserable. I really thought he was/is the love of my life though.

37. Ultimately his parents and his inability to step up to them and put his foot down as a grown man.

38. I realized I loved him as a person, but not as a partner. I still miss him, but not our relationship.

We’re both definitely happier now, so I feel like I made the right decision. I wish him all the best.

39. He was a man-child.

He claims to have changed now… but… after four years of “things will get better”… things didn’t get better when they needed to get better.

40. I wanted to get out of the shitty town we lived in.. seriously everyone there just sits around and smokes weed, no one was going anywhere. So I left, moved states and I have never been happier! Went back 10 years later and everyone was still sitting around smoking weed and going nowhere. The only difference was they had their kids in that environment.

41. Distance and she wanted a family and I didn’t.

42. She thought I was her Superman savior. She had a few screws loose I realized. And I’d have been broke at this point in my life. And miserable. She was very attractive and the sex was amazing. But even that fades.

43. I realized I was too young and that we had ignored some red flags.

44. I’ve been engaged twice. First one ended after meeting my family for the first time, my fiance made fun of my brother, who is very intelligent but sometimes socially awkward, for half the ride home. I slept on it, then gave the ring back the next day. Fuck that guy.

The second engagement, we dated for 3 years and got engaged after 2. The closer it got, the more he decided he wanted to have children immediately, wanted me to stay home with them, and then said, “Knowing that, I’m wondering if it’s worth it for you to continue grad school.” (I was just starting my second year of my master’s program) Buh-bye.

45. Because I was too immature, selfish, uncaring and so fucking blind to it I thought some of it was her fault.

46. We started dating in high school, and had the typical first love relationship. We moved to another state for college and he just completely changed. Well, I guess we both did in our own ways. I was bored in the relationship and he had no ambition whatsoever, unless it was just one of his music projects. He got kicked out of school twice and held a job only like a month the whole time I was in school. I was the only income for us until graduation. I worked two jobs during school on top of my clinical rotations. He always needed some knew piece of equipment. In my head I didn’t realize I could leave the relationship. I finally had enough when I had a death in the family and decided I would go alone so he could take care of trying to get in school for the third time. He made it all about him, that he knew my family didn’t like him and was demanding to know why they don’t want him there. Not once asked how I was doing either. He bugged me the whole time I was trying to take care of my family too. My sister was talking to me about how she was deciding to leave her husband when it clicked. I didn’t have to stay with him even though we where engaged! When I returned home, I told him I would still help him get in school, but only as a friend.

47. She was having an affair with a married man my dad’s age who was coach for professional athletes, originally her academy coach when she was in boarding school.

48. She was in love with my best friend. And they were both in denial about it. They were engaged a month after we broke up.

They both told me nothing physical happened and I believe them but they hung out a lot (which was pretty normal because we were all friends in high school) and I’m pretty sure they were already emotionally involved because she started to drift away (emotionally). They were both nice about it and asked if I’d be okay. I said yes because they seemed like they would be happy together and I cared about them both but I don’t hang out with them all that much because as nice as I try to be about it I still feel betrayed. I still talk to my best friend every once in a while but it doesn’t ever really get any deeper than the “what are you up to these days?” texts.

And for everyone commenting been there and me too: I’m truly sorry. I sincerely believe that there’s someone for everyone. Whoever you lost wasn’t that person. As they say in Meet the Robinsons: “Keep moving forward.”

49. I was engaged to a guy I’d dated for 3 years and planning a destination wedding. He cheated with a mutual friend one night. His mom (who he lived with while we were apartment hunting) accidentally walked in on them in the middle of it while letting the dogs out. He didn’t know his mom had seen, but his mom called me and told me what happened. He denied it when I confronted him which made it worse. Called off the wedding and broke up, etc.

Weirdly enough, he got married about 5 years later to someone else in the exact same destination wedding location/venue/package/colors I had always dreamed of and planned out for us. He must have kept my planning binder and just reused it or something.

Edit: whoa this blew up! Made a clarity edit because guy did not sleep with his mom. Answering some questions here:

A) Could his mom have been wrong/was it a plot to break you up?

No. He finally came clean after I said his mom had walked in on him and called me. And the mutual friend admitted it to me too when I confronted her. His mom was basically sobbing when she called me because she didn’t want us to break up, but knew she should tell me. I’m actually sad about losing the mom so much more than my ex. She was awesome! Some other things were revealed about him later too like he lied about finishing his degree at university and had failed out instead. I dodged a big bullet for sure.

B) What happened to the mutual friend?

Well, she and I definitely stopped being friends. She wasn’t even apologetic when I confronted her. She had also been in a relationship that she broke off. They ended up dating for a while after that which was a bit of a mess because my ex and I ran a large, well-known community together. The rumors of what happened got out, but I attempted to be civil about it for the sake of the community. They, however, parked in the front window of the weekly venue and made out for everyone to see as a way of announcing their relationship. Super classy.

C) What happened to me?

I ended up moving across the country a few months later, meeting the man who is now my awesome husband of 8 years, and we just had our first kid last year. I’m much happier with this outcome!

50. She wanted to go to Florida for the Disney college program. (She is a huuuge Disney nerd.) She was too scared she would lose me. I convinced her to do it because if she didn’t, she would regret it forever and that no matter what happened I would still be here for her. 6 months and an engagement ring later she told me that while in Florida she realized she didn’t love me like she thought she had. The ring is in a box in the back of a drawer in my dresser. Her worst fear came true. So did mine. TC mark

January Nelson

January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer. Her work has appeared on Facebook, ...

More From Thought Catalog

The People Bringing You Delicious Dairy

A new Thought Catalog series exploring our connection to each other, our food, and where it comes from.

Meet Alise Sjostrom

Image Credit: Unsplash / Valerie Elash

50 Singles Reveal Why They Split Up With The Person They Thought They’d Marry is cataloged in