When Someone You Love Won’t Let You Help Them

When Someone You Love Won’t Let You Help Them

When someone you love won’t let you help them, it’s the most frustrating experience in the world. You can’t understand why the other person would resist bettering themselves, why they would shrink away from your love, why they would pull away when they need you the most.

When someone you love won’t let you help them, you might end up getting into constant arguments with them. You might not understand why they are behaving a certain way — and they might not understand why you can’t mind your business and leave them alone.

Of course, you don’t want to make them uncomfortable, you don’t want them to feel like you’re overstepping your boundaries, but you have their best interest at heart. You’re trying to help because you care. Because they matter to you. Because you want them to be happy and can see they’ve been struggling.

When someone you love won’t let you help them, it puts you at a crossroads. You can continue trying breaking down their walls, even though they don’t want your help, even though the situation is putting you under a lot of stress, even though what you’re doing is severely impacting your own mental health. Or you can give them the space they’ve been asking to have, you can let them figure out their issues on their own, you can let them make their own mistakes while you return to focusing on your own life. Unfortunately, neither answer feels satisfying. Neither path feels right.

When someone you love won’t let you help them, you have to take a step back and remind yourself it’s not your responsibility to save them. You’re not in charge of making sure they’re happy or healthy or walking down the right path. They’re a grownup. They can take care of themselves.

Even though you love them, you have zero control over their thoughts or opinions or behaviors. You can’t make them see reason. You can’t make them do whatever it is you believe is best for them. You can only control your own actions, and as difficult as that is to accept, it’s a key element in letting go.

Of course, letting go is the last thing you want. Letting go feels like giving up. It feels like you’re abandoning this person who you swore you would always be there to help. But if they don’t want your help, you can’t force them into it. You can’t change their mind.

Unfortunately, when someone you love won’t let you help them, there’s literally nothing you can do.

Maybe you need to walk away from them in order to take care of your own mental health. Or maybe you need to stick by them in case they have a change of heart. The decision is ultimately up to you, what you feel is best, what will make you rest easiest at night.

But no matter what you decide, you have to remember their actions are not your fault. You are not to blame. You are not responsible for them. You are only responsible for yourself. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

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