Stop telling me to calm down because it makes me feel like my emotions aren’t valid. It makes me feel like you haven’t listened to a word I’ve been saying and simply want me to quiet down because it will be easier on you, more convenient for you, more comfortable for you.
Stop telling me to calm down because most of my thoughts stay internalized. They remain in my head. If I’m coming to you to talk about the way I’m currently feeling, then that means my emotions are serious. It means I really need someone to listen. The last thing I need is someone trying to convince me to feel a different way, to stop overreacting, to not freak out over something that clearly means a lot to me.
Stop telling me to calm down because it’s not going to make me any calmer. The only thing it’s going to do is convince me to stop opening up to you. It’s going to make me feel like I need to censor myself around you, like I need to watch how much I reveal to you, otherwise I’m going to be judged. Chances are low I’m going to want to talk to you in the future if you act like my feelings are uncalled for today.
Stop telling me to calm down because if I trust you enough to open up to you, then you should respect my feelings. You should listen to what I have to say. You should be there to support me, not to lecture me, not to make me feel even worse about the situation, not to make me feel like it was a mistake trying to talk to you in the first place.
Stop telling me to calm down because whatever ‘silver linings’ you’re trying to talk me into believing, I have already thought of myself. It’s entirely possible for me to see the good side of a situation and be upset about the situation at the same time. It’s entirely possible for me to think logically, to know everything is going to turn out okay, to know I have the tools to get through this, even if I’m in a bad mood.
Stop telling me to calm down because that’s something I’m going to need to figure out how to accomplish on my own. And honestly, sometimes ranting for a little while and getting my feelings off my chest is exactly what’s going to make me calm again. Sometimes, all I need is someone to listen to me for a few minutes so I feel like I’m not alone.
Stop telling me to calm down because that’s never what you’re going to hear from me when our roles are reversed. If you need to vent to me, I will listen to you. I will encourage you to open up about your feelings. I will never make you feel bad about feeling bad. You are allowed to have opinions. You are allowed to be upset when things go wrong. Your emotions are valid — and I want you to treat my emotions like they’re valid, too.