We want you to know we’re not trying to be difficult. We’re not trying to start arguments. We’re not trying to cause drama. As much as you hate how easily we get jealous, we hate it twice as much.
We don’t want to freak out over every minor thing. We don’t want to be tormented with the images in our heads of you with someone else. We don’t want to overthink everything you say, everything you do, everyone you mention. We wish we could be more laidback and low-maintenance, but we have a hard time controlling our jealousy.
We get so fired up because of our own insecurities. We look in the mirror and wonder why you’re with us in the first place. We don’t think we deserve you. We assume you’re sneaking around behind our backs or getting ready to leave us for someone else because we can’t understand why you would choose us. We can’t wrap our minds around the reasons you’re staying. We can’t see the beauty in ourselves that you keep talking about. We only see our flaws.
It’s hard not to get jealous when there have been times in the past when our jealousy has been warranted. There have been times when we’ve been cheated on or led on. There have been times when we had front row seats to watching the person we loved openly flirt with someone else.
We need a lot of reassurance because we are worried you’re going to wake up one day and realize you made a mistake by staying with us. We’re worried someone else is going to catch your eye and you’re going to start distancing yourself. We’re worried our constant need for attention and validation is going to make you love us less and less.
No matter how well you treat us, no matter how many times you remind us how much you care, there are going to be moments when we shut down out of the blue. There are going to be moments when you can’t figure out what has us upset — because what’s upsetting us is what we thought ran through your head when you saw another girl or an imaginary conversation we had in our heads or a problem we’ve already dealt with months ago. During those times, we understand we’re being irrational, but we still need a minute. We need to process our feelings and move passed them.
We can’t help how sensitive we are. We feel too much. We hurt too much.
You could be the most trustworthy person in the world and we would still assume the worst case scenario is going to happen. We would assume you are going to hurt us because we don’t see our own value. We don’t see the point of you staying.
Even though we might melt down from time to time, even though we might struggle with commitment, we’re trying our best to learn how to trust. We’re hoping we don’t chase you away. We’re hoping we can make a relationship last, even with our insecurities.