I am slowly learning there is no point in holding onto someone who keeps trying to wriggle free. It is senseless to pretend someone is good for me when they have proven multiple times to be a source of stress and anxiety. It is unhealthy to give out third chances just so I can feel like I am a good person when I should be putting my foot down. When I should be doing what is best for myself for a change.
I am slowly learning there is nothing wrong with raising my standards, even if that means removing people from my life who have been there since birth. Even if that means there will be days when the guilt hits me like a wrecking ball, when my fingers itch to write an apology text that I will have to stop myself from sending. Even if that makes I have to start from scratch — find new friends, create a new definition of family.
I am slowly learning that acceptance and forgiveness are two different things. I don’t have to forgive someone who hurt me. I don’t have to offer them an olive branch in order to give myself peace of mind, in order to move on from the painful experience. As long as I accept what has happened, as long as I understand that there is no changing the past or the actions of someone other than myself, then I can stop feeling so bitter. I can let go of the anger burning a hole in my heart. I can move forward. I can live without them and their negativity.
I am slowly learning to take charge of my social circle. Instead of exerting my energy with complaints about how so-and-so treats me poorly, I can do something about it. I can confront them. I can stand up to them. I can say goodbye to them. I can actively try to change my situation instead of passively wishing it were different somehow.
I am slowly learning about what I deserve — not just when it comes to romantic relationship, but when it comes to my friendships, my family relationships, my work environment. I am slowly learning I do not have to feel small. I do not have to feel lesser. I can surround myself with positive people who will uplift me instead of knocking me down. I can pick and choose what kind of people I would like to keep in my peripheral. I can make seemingly minor decisions that will change the course of my life.
I am slowly learning about the dangers of time passing. I am slowly learning that no friendships are guaranteed to last forever. Some people are meant to hurt me so that I can learn a lesson about raising my expectations. Some people are meant to let me down so I can learn about relying on myself. Some people are meant to leave too early so I can learn about cherishing what I have while it is still there.