This Is Why Losing Him Hurt So Bad — Even Though He Was Never Your Boyfriend

Girl losing her boyfriend
Unsplash / Matthew Kane

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because he acted like your boyfriend. He would cross the line all the time. He would reach over and grab your hand when you least expected it. He would hold you close during hugs and take ages to let go. He would text you about how much he missed you and how he couldn’t wait to see you again. He tricked you into believing he liked you as much as you liked him.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because you thought you had more time. You weren’t expecting him to walk away so soon. You were fine with taking things slow, because you thought that your patience would pay off in the end. So you took your time getting close to him, you waited to sleep with him, you waited to tell him how you really felt — because you thought he would always be there. You thought he would stick around.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because you could feel the sexual tension with him every time you made eye contact, every time your skin brushed. You stayed up until midnight talking, sometimes over text, sometimes in your bedroom, and sometimes in the seats of his car. You shared your deepest secrets with him. More than that, you shared your soul with him.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because you let your expectations rise too high. You assumed that, eventually, you two would become a couple. You thought that he would turn around and admit his feelings for you. You had this idea in your head that it was only a matter of time until you stopped playing around and started something serious. Until your happily ever after began.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because you spent so much time fantasizing about him becoming your boyfriend. Every night before bed and during every dull moment at work, you daydreamed about what it would be like to kiss him. You had hypothetical conversations with your friends about what your first date with him would be like. You might have even gone as far as picturing a wedding.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because he was a good friend. You might not have been romantically involved, you might not have ever gone on an official date, but none of that matters. You still flirted. You still made each other laugh. You still helped each other through tough shit. You were close. Closer than most friends ever get.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because you never got a chance to experience all of the things you wanted to experience with him. You never took a vacation together. You never spent the holidays together. You never even took him to your favorite restaurant. You feel like you missed out on so much.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because you still don’t understand what happened. You never received the closure you needed. You don’t have any clue why he sent mixed signals for months and then left you without a word. You just don’t understand him.

Losing him hurt, even though he wasn’t your boyfriend, because you had strong feelings for him. And you really thought he felt the same. TC mark

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