When you’re in a toxic relationship, you never shut up about your person. You text everyone for advice about him. You go out to dinner with friends and spend half the time complaining about him. You post depressing songs lyrics and poetry about him.
And during the good times, when you two are actually getting along for once, you use the opportunity to post pictures together on social media. To brag to your friends about how it’s all working out. To let everyone know that you’re together and that you’re so very happy.
Sometimes, couples in toxic relationships look like they’re doing better than everyone else, because they try hard to convince the world that things are okay. They are trying to prove something to themselves by making everyone else think their relationship is perfect.
But when you’re in a healthy relationship, after you’re out of the puppy love phase and have been together for a while, you forget to do those things. You don’t post regular pictures on Instagram, but they’re still there inside of your phone. You don’t tell too many stories to your friends about the cute thing he just did because he’s always doing cute things and you don’t think you could keep up.
Sometimes, you’ll post a picture to your social media or let everyone know about the sweet text he just sent. But it isn’t for the likes or for the compliments you’re sure to get. It isn’t to make your ex jealous or prove to your friends that you’re doing better than they are.
You already know that you two are perfect for each other. You’re not trying to prove it to the world. You don’t care if anyone else knows how happy you are — because you two know, and you’re the only people who matter.
Since you don’t feel pressured to convince everyone you’re with a good guy, you mostly mention your person in passing. You tell a story about how you went to the zoo, and add that he was the one with you. You reach for your phone and mention he was the one who texted you.
You don’t go into detail about every single aspect of your relationship, because if you did that, your friends would get sick of you. They’d get tired of hearing about how great you have it.
Besides, you have a life of your own. You’re beyond thankful that you’ve found your forever person, but love isn’t the center of your world. That’s what makes your relationship so healthy.
When you go out with your friends, you have more to tell them about than your relationship. You’ll give them updates — but really, how much is there to say? You were happy. You’re still happy. You’re confident that you’re always going to be happy.
So you talk about other things. About your work. About your car. About your dog. About your family and other friends.
You don’t always brag about him. But that doesn’t mean you don’t love him. That doesn’t mean that you don’t appreciate him.
It just means that you don’t need anyone else’s approval to realize that you have the best boyfriend in the world.