Thought Catalog

Most Men Don’t Realize That Women Are Flirting When They Do These 30 Things

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Pay attention to these flirting signs fromAsk Reddit. They might just help you kickstart your relationship.
Unsplash / Clem Onojeghuo

1. When she playfully hits you

“Universal sign: playfully hitting you. Unless you see her playfully hitting everyone, but it’s most likely her just flirting. This applies with every form of physical contact, but especially with those playful hits on your shoulder.” — Darkpulll 

2. When she compares your hand sizes

“Wow, your hands are so much bigger than mine!” — sleepyemoji

3. When she locks the door to the room

“Some of us are dense as can be. Once had a woman over and she asked if I’d go lock the door. I thought she was being weird until I turned around and her clothes were off. THEN I got it. I now look for signals.” — Hipppydude

4. When she says she’s free and bored

“Some that my ex’s told me afterwards:

If she mentions at any time that she’s free or is going to be bored, she wants to spend time with you. It’s obvious in hindsight but I was a dumbass.

Used to tell her friends to walk ahead/go without her

Playful hitting. I missed this fairly obvious one too (see above, ‘dumbass’)

Starts talking about how shitty most guys are/being single is annoying”

She suddenly had my exact music taste.” — ninjasaurxd 

5. When she makes excuses to touch you

“It’s weird but might just be me. But when I take a guy’s shirt sleeve in my hand and rub it as if trying to check out the material… it’s my sad attempt at flirting. Not really their fault if they don’t pick up.” — vazydazy

6. When she makes eye contact and smiles

“The problem with questions like these is that the answer is almost entirely dependent on context. Eye contact, smiling, laughing at jokes, etc are very ambiguous and can be interpreted many ways. Most guys are going to default to the safe position, i.e. not flirting, because it can be very VERY messy for a guy to assume flirtation when there is none and then act on that assumption.” — redditingatwork31

7. When she spends time with you

“When my husband and I discussed past relationships he told me how he had a ton of girls who would hang out with him all the time and flirt with him but never ask him out so he figured they weren’t really interested in him. I laughed so hard then explained that they were waiting for him to ask him out. He thought about it a bit then agreed that ‘maybe’ that was possible but how would he know they were interested? After facepalming like five times I explained the hanging out accompanied by flirting was their showing interest.” — pausingthekids

8. When she complains about being single

“Straight up my husband is an amazing man and I love him but he was incredibly thick in the head while I was trying to date him. In high school I flirted nonstop with him, rubbed my hand up and down his leg, complained about being single, hugged him constantly, ‘accidentally’ bumped into him, went out on outings with him, hell I once changed clothes in front of him. All throughout high school, nothing. I think that’s the end of it and move on with my life, staying friend wth him but still very disappointed.

Dating other guys in college, all boring, when I meet him there, apparently he transferred. I nearly yell in joy at the coincidence. I decide that I’m not letting the opportunity slip by. After catching up with him and stuff I straight up kissed him. Told him that I had a crush on him and he just sits there shocked. Apparently he had a crush on me since high school, he just didn’t think I was interested. Fucking facepalmed so hard.

So yeah, my advice to the guys on Reddit, if a girl constantly wants to spend time with you, cuddles with you, hugs you, complains about how single she is, and changes in front of you, odds are you have a good shot at dating her. Unless she’s a lesbian.” — Terminated109

9. When she grabs your junk

“I once had a girl outright grab my dick and start rubbing and I fucking asked, ‘Are you sure?’

Men are NOT SMART creatures.” — KhaosElement 

10. When she models clothing for you

“Very dense man here. Made friends with the new girl in town that moved into the apartment next door. One day she calls for me to come over and help her out. Thinking she needed help moving furniture or something I obliged. Instead she needed assistance picking out what bikini to wear that weekend. I was asked to sit on the couch for ~15 minutes as she modeled various bikini top/bottom combinations for me. So there I am trying to give this girl my honest opinion while trying to hold back an erection. She didn’t undress directly in front of me (there was a wall she used) but in hindsight it was clear as day that she wanted the D, while I was just trying to be nice and help my neighbor. I’ll add that she had a breast aug and that her rack was impressive. To this day we remain friends, but are simply neighbors.” — Belly_Laugher

11. When she makes drinks and dresses sexy

“A few weeks ago, I did my makeup ultra-carefully, took all of the suggestions I asked my husband for (that lipstick with this eyeshadow? If you say so), did my hair just the way he likes, put on some enticing lingerie, made some drinks, lounged in front of him… and sat drinking as my hair lost its hold and I got increasingly bored for 7 hours while he played games with his friends online.

So, that.” — juniusgirl

12. When she comes over late at night

“I’m just gonna speak from experience of being a guy. If she comes over after dark for any reason not specifically platonic (like picking stuff up) then she’s more than likely down.” — UncleVicVic

13. When she texts you cute pictures

“She says compliments like, ‘Hey, I like your shirt.’ If she keeps walking, no go. If she stays to chat? Stop, talk to her and get her phone number. It’s a common piece of dating advice in women’s magazines to say something like that to guys. The problem is, men assume the girl likes their clothes, not likes them.

She asks what kind of girls you like, who you have a crush on, your relationship status, says you could get any girl you want, etc.

She asks what clothes you think look sexy, hairstyles, etc. Sends you photos of herself in outfits to get your opinion. Green flag: you tell her, and she dresses that way. Or she changes her hairstyle based on your preference. If she doesn’t change fashion but her friend does, she was a wingwoman to gather info for her friend to date you.

‘Friendly Inquisition’ – her friend(s) ask, ‘What do you think of [girl’s name]?’ ‘Is she your type?’ ‘Would you go out with her?’ She sent them as spies. Variation: her friend calls and asks. The girl is on the line too, listening to what you’ll say.

She ditches friends to hang out with you.

She comes up with excuses to hang out together alone, e.g. homework, studying, working on a project, etc. But she spends more time flirting with you and asking personal questions. Green flag if you’re not even in the same classes or she does not need help studying.

She asks you to help her with easy stuff. Key is she’s over-the-top grateful and doesn’t want you to leave.

She’s always ‘around.’ Hoping you’ll talk to her. Variation: lingering. After asking you a question and you answer, she’s still there.

She’s gotten off work and has no reason to stay. You’re the reason she wants to stay. If she’s at work but says when she gets off work–she wants to hang out with you after.

She preemptively mentions being single. Or that she’s broken up with her boyfriend.

She gives you her phone number without you even asking for it. Or she gets your number from someone else.

She texts you cute/sexy pictures and invites you to hang out.

She shows interest in your hobbies even though she didn’t before. ‘Come to my house to play video games.’

She brings up a movie she wants to see, a bar or restaurant she wants to check out, a party that’s happening, etc. Especially if she says, ‘But I have no one to go with.’ She wants you to ask her out.

She casually bring up events, and gauges your reaction. If you show interest, she pounces and says you should go together. [4 hours later that night] “Wait, did she ask me out on a date?”

“Self-invite” date, e.g. you tell her about a cool bar you went to, and she says, “You should take me there!”

“Reminder” date, e.g. “When are you gonna take me for a spin in your car?” “When are we going to watch that TV show at your place?”

She asks if you have plans for the night or weekend. Ask her out for drinks.

Calls, texts (especially when it’s late), likes all your Facebook posts, etc. Key thing: when you do invite her to hang out in person, she does, and she’s eager to. If she constantly flakes, she just enjoys your attention and doesn’t want to escalate further. If she acts like this with you while in a relationship with someone else, run away.

She shares songs, photos, quotes, videos, stories etc. with you related to love. It’s a “test” to see if you think about her in those ways.

Writes big long messages in your yearbook, her phone number and an invite to hang out.

‘Third Party Endorsement.’ When she expresses what she wants as if it was the opinion of other people. Saying things like: “My friends think we would make a cute couple.’ ‘My Mom asked if you’re my boyfriend yet ‘cuz we hang out together so much.’ ‘Since we’re alone together in your room, the other people at the party probably think we’re hooking up right now.’

Touching, hugging, sitting on your lap, holds your hand, puts your arm around her, dances close, etc. Asks ‘Have you been working out?’ and feeling your biceps or abs. Massages and back rubs (takes off top). Play fighting.

Clumsiness or acting drunk as an excuse to lean on you, for you to hold her, and get your faces in kissing range.

She complains about being cold. If you’re outside, put your arms around her. If you’re lying down watching TV together, cuddle closer. If she says her hands are cold, hold her hands.

She shows off her body. Bends forward to show you her chest or butt, shows off her legs, answers the door wearing little clothing (or a towel). She’s really trying if she tells you to look at her dress, legs, etc. ‘Look how short my skirt is!’ Or she invites you to touch. ‘I just used a new razor to shave my legs and they’re so smooth. Come and feel!’

She finds excuses to remove clothes. Too hot, has to take a shower, change clothes, show off her tattoo or nipple piercing. She doesn’t change rooms or close the door or kick you out.

She ‘steals’ something from you–like a hat. You’re supposed to chase her into a room and kiss. Or takes a small item from you and drops it down her top.

She ‘borrows’ things (she doesn’t need) to make up a reason to talk to you.

She ‘forgets’ things at your place so she has a reason to come back–and hook up.

‘The Friend Fadeaway.’ You go out on a group outing with her and friends. They gradually leave until you’re alone with the girl, maybe even her house or room. Variation: you show up thinking it’s a group outing or a party, but she’s the only one there.

‘Party of Two.’ She invites you to a party or event, but sticks to you the whole night.

If you get sick or hurt, she gets worried beyond a normal friend. She comes over with food and plays nurse.

After a night out at a bar, nightclub, or party, when she’s ready to leave she asks to split a taxi with you back to her place. And she doesn’t mention sharing a cab with the whole group of friends, just you.

If she has a party at her place, at the end of the night she shoos out all the other guests but wants you to stay. Or she’ll come with some excuse that you’re too drunk, your home is too far, weather is too bad for you to drive home now, and she insists you sleep over.

If she’s dropping people off after a party, night out, event, etc. she drops off everyone first and you last, even passing by your home to do it. To get you alone.

She ‘misses’ the last train, bus, etc. so she can sleep over. Or makes excuses not to leave your car.

She brings up sleeping arrangements. She doesn’t want you to sleep on the couch (or floor), and insists you share a bed with her.

She mentions how she’s home alone tonight, roommate is away, her parents out of town, etc. She wants you to invite yourself over to fool around. Or for you to ask her to come over to your place. Hot tip: text her ‘coming over’ or ‘come over’ and see how she reacts.

If she comes over to your place, she confirms repeatedly that you’re alone (no roommates or parents).

Thirst: ‘I’m so horny!’ ‘I need to get laid tonight’ ‘I’ve never fucked in [location you’re both in now].’

She brags about her sexual skills. ‘I give great blowjobs.’

She implies that the current circumstances are ideal for sex. ‘We’re the only ones here.’ ‘We could fool around no one would know. ‘No one can hear us with these walls.’ ‘This bed is really comfortable, you know.’ ‘I’m not wearing panties.’ ‘I’m on birth control.’ ‘I’ve got condoms in that drawer.’ Those aren’t random facts she just brought up.

She kisses another girl in front of you–and wants you to watch. Or invites you into a room to fool around more. How threesomes start.

She asks you out. She’s tired of hinting. Straight talk is the last resort.

She says she used to have a crush on you. If she’s single, she could be hinting she still has a crush and you should ask her out. Guys get hung up on how she used the past tense, and treat it as her saying, ‘I’m not interested in you now.'” — gotthelowdown

14. When she makes you breakfast

“In high school I was so oblivious to any girl flirting with me. Girls would invite me to movies, make me pancakes for class, leave gushing videos on my Facebook wall (when that was a thing), one took me to a music festival. People even asked me what I thought of a girl and I didn’t get they were asking for her. I was always bummed thinking girls never liked me. I feel so dumb looking back on it. So fellas, if a girl is doing something beyond what a normal friend would do, she is flirting with you.” — acreativeredditlogin

15. When she moves her hand closer to yours

“On my first date with my SO, we went to see an outdoor play and while we sat in the grass I kept sliding my hand over his and he’d stiffen up and move it away.

His thought process: ‘Oh my god I’m accidentally touching her I don’t want to be disrespectful, I wanna hold her hand but I won’t push her.’

Later on, he invited me over for drinks and Stranger Things marathoning. He asked me to spend the night and was surprised when I kissed him while we were cuddling in our underwear in bed. He was just worried about me driving home drunk.” — Party_Shark_

16. When she wants to cuddle

“Cuddling because I’m cold. Also cooking him dinner. To be fair I’m awful at flirting.” — deedee_gooml

17. When she compliments your physical appearance

“Complimenting something you’re wearing/physical feature. If I tell you that your shirt fits you well or telling you I like your watch as I take your hand to look at it closer, that’s flirting. Constant eye contact too, if I didn’t think you were attractive I wouldn’t be holding eye contact.” — pieceofgrass

18. When she tells you that she likes you

“I just want to let it be known for women out there us guys are clueless about your signals, e.g. there was one girl a while back who I had literally been told 3 times BY HER that she liked me when she was drunk and I still wasn’t sure if she did. Still am not sure either. You guys need to be explicit and sober with this stuff with us or it just shoots straight over our heads haha.” — privateLoginUsername

19. When she looks at you when you’re in a big group

“Late to the thread, but if you’re in a big group and someone makes you all laugh, most people immediately look at the person in the group they’re most attracted to. So if you notice she looks at you when she laughs there’s a good chance.” — nadiamuz

20. When she straddles you

“My husband apparently doesn’t know that straddling him means I want sex. Thick head.” — PrincessAlterEgo

21. When she asks about your love life

“I know this is certainly not the case for all women but if I enquire about your love life I’m trying to show I hope you’re single.” — haveanicesummer 

22. When she offers to share her bed with you

“Many years ago a cute drunk girl told drunk me ‘if you need a place to stay for tonight you can come to my place.’

I said ‘ah no don’t worry thanks.’ I then slept on the floor in the dorm room of a dude.

To this day I haven’t forgiven myself.” — GFandango

23. When she falls asleep talking to you

“Before I was dating my now-boyfriend, I’d ‘fall asleep’ in the middle of the conversation so I could continue the conversation the next morning. He began to think I had a ‘scheduled shut down’ at 11:30 pm and only realized what I was doing after I told him while we began dating.

In fairness, I was pretty clueless too. When he asked me out on a date, I didn’t quite pick up why he asked me out.” — goldentalks 

24. When she comes out of the shower in only a towel

“My ex boyfriend said I didn’t come on to him enough so I would get out of the shower wearing a towel or wearing nothing but a big shirt, sit on his lap and start kissing him. I don’t know what he thought I wanted but soon after he would want to get back to whatever he was doing on his computer. Really not sure how to make signals any more obvious other than out right saying ‘sex time???'” — foodgoregalore

25. When she admits she dreamt about you

“She’d always touch/lean really close when we spoke. Also said in a group I was a part of that she had a ‘sex dream’ about me. I laughed it off as a joke. Just realized those may have been signals, I’m struggling to believe I was that oblivious, even now. Sex dreams are common between friendly classmates right… Right???” — TheRulerAndTheKiller

26. When she sleeps in your bed

“There was one time (my boyfriend and I had been dating for months) and we were laying in bed about to go to sleep. I wasn’t very tired so I started kissing his neck and grinding against him all sexy like. He told me later that he thought I was just being cuddly and it wasn’t until I climbed on top of him that he thought, ‘Ohhh! I’m being seduced!'” — cuddleslut77

27. When she asks for your phone number

“Story time (I have posted this before)

Male here. I have a friend that goes to a private school. The school is a good 20 minutes away by car, assuming light traffic. Mind you, he has to pass through a major city, so he just takes the bus to save his parents the 40 minutes round trip. His bus normally lets him and this other girl out at our local library. Now, this school gives IDs to their students, as is usual. My friend happened to have a school photo on his ID that I found amusing.

So, my friend and I happen to be hanging around one day, along with the other girl. We are chatting, and the topic of our conversation drifts to the ID photo. The girl (a solid 7, I might add) also finds the picture amusing, and so she snaps a picture of it. She offers to send said picture to me, and asks for my phone number. I politely decline, and take the photo myself.

Yeah I still cringe about it to this day.” — Kingo1230

28. When she asks you to dance

“Over the weekend a girl I was chatting to was getting me to feel her skirt material, asked me to dance, then said, ‘I’m gonna go home now.’ I responded, ‘Ok, goodnight!’

It wasn’t until today that I thought, waaaait a minute….” — mddha2

29. When she flat out says she likes you

“I once liked a guy and was wondering how to tell him. I was talking to him and we got on the topic of ‘liking people.’ He told me that he was really bad at telling if someone liked him. He said ‘Even if someone came up to me and told me directly “I like you,” I probably still wouldn’t get it.’

So this was were i took my chance and said, ‘I like you.’

To which he responded ‘haha I know, but I meant like romantically like, if you know what I mean.’

So I thought he had pretty just rejected me, but nope. Later he told me he had a crush on me, and thought it was one-sided on his side.” — TheTulipana

30. When she compliments you

“Sometimes guys can have such a low self esteem that when a girl flirts with them they have zero clue if you’re being sincere. Actually, most guys do pick up on the signals but convince themselves that it’s their imagination. ‘No way can she be interested in me.’ ‘She said she likes my shirt. Must only be my shirt then ‘

Or even when the guys have acted on the signals only to be flatout rejected, hard.

Shits tough man…” — Aliamtrickey TC mark

Holly Riordan is the author of Lifeless Souls, available here.

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