I Refuse To Let Anxiety Ruin My Life

God & Man

I don’t want my heart to beat three times faster at the thought of talking to someone new, driving somewhere new, experiencing something new. I don’t want to be stuck inside of a bubble, trapped inside of my own home, because I’m too terrified to walk into the world.

I don’t want to let my friends down by lying about why I can’t go to their parties or make a speech on their wedding day. I don’t want to let my parents down by accomplishing nothing, by being too afraid to follow my dreams and staying in one place, in a comfortable place.

I don’t want to let myself down by avoiding opportunities that only come around once in a lifetime. I don’t want to end up regretting all of the things that I never got to do, because my anxiety was tethering me into place.

I don’t want to assume that everyone hates me before they even get to know me. I don’t want to assume that I’m going to get rejected before I even apply for a job or attend the first interview. I don’t want to assume that I’m going to fail when I’m entirely capable of succeeding, when everyone except me believes I have what it takes.

I don’t want to be a loner anymore. I don’t want to hold myself back from speaking, because I’m worried about saying something insulting, or because I can’t find the perfect moment to jump into the conversation. I don’t want to push people away before they have the chance to push me away.

I don’t want to be controlled by my anxiety. Manipulated into thinking that I’m not good enough, that I don’t deserve the love that everyone around me seems to hold. I don’t want to feel like I’m lesser, like I did something wrong.

I don’t want to accept the lies that anxiety has forced me to believe. I don’t want to think of myself as an outsider, as someone who will never fit in. I don’t want to feel out of place wherever I go.

I don’t want anxiety to ruin my life, so I’m going to fight against it, and I’m going to win. I have no clue how I’m going to make that happen in between sleepless nights and panic attacks, but it’s going to happen, I swear it.

I know I’m going to have setbacks, days when I hide inside of bathroom stalls or beneath my bedroom blankets. There are going to be days when I can’t summon up the energy to answer a text, let alone leave my house and interact with other people face-to-face.

But there are also going to be days when I’m brave enough to leave the safety of my apartment and step onto a plane or go on a first date or just take a walk around the block by myself.

I might hyperventilate beforehand, I might cry myself to sleep the night before, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that there are going to be days when I have the energy to push myself to do something terrifying. There are going to be days when I silence my anxiety for long enough to really live.

There are going to be days when I’m going to win — and those are the days I’m going to focus on from now on. TC mark

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  • http://ablogthatwrites.wordpress.com kgtriessohard

    Even if not everything in this inspirational posts is applicable to me…I liked it so much that I’m going to put it on my wall and read it every day!

  • http://www.viralarm.com/i-refuse-to-let-anxiety-ruin-my-life/ I Refuse To Let Anxiety Ruin My Life – Viralarm

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