16 Women On The Most Insane Thing They’ve Seen At A Bachelorette Party

Enjoy your bachelorette party! Found here on Reddit.
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

1. Bear costume?

I don’t know, I left when the guy in the bear suit got his dick out.

2. “Former male stripper”

I was a former male stripper. Bachelorette parties are, by far, way worse than bachelor parties. There’s nothing hornier than a stay at home mother when she gets an opportunity to hang out with her friends, drink, and have some random stripper rub up all over her….just saying….from experience.

3. Scavenger hunts suck

In a non-bachelorette party friendly bar, and one shows up. Totally stereotypical party too. Sashes and tiaras, lots of shrieking, etc.

They were doing one of those scavenger hunts where they have to get a guy to go to the bathroom and take off their boxers.

I’m standing at the bar and they come up to this dude standing near me and ask for his boxers. He says, “if I do, will you leave?”

They say yes, and the dude sets his beer down, drops his pants right there at the bar, takes off his boxers, hands them to the girls in the party, who are losing their minds, puts his pants back on and returns to his conversation.

The dude didn’t have to buy another drink the rest of the night.

4. Uh…wow

Male stripper here. I’ve done a few bachelorette parties and one I did happens to be one of the most drab experiences in my life while another is probably the craziest fucking night of my life.

I did a house call in Highlands Ranch, a wealthy suburb just outside of Denver. This young woman (probably 24 or 25) was marrying a very wealthy older man and he gave her and her girlfriends the house for the weekend.

I show up, and it’s business as usual. They asked for the military theme so that’s what I was wearing. I got offered a drink and accepted it because I normally enjoy myself and then have a cab pick me up and take me to a hotel when I do shows in Denver.

Anyways this particular drink seemed stronger than normal but I didn’t think anything of it. Music starts playing and I’m putting on my opening show, tips are flying at me in the middle of the living room, a couple women throw their panties at me, all still pretty normal. The routine ends and I’m rocking a mankini. The women were very receptive so I figured this was a good time for lap dances. On my third dance, I started noticing that everything was kind of heightened, and I began noticing just how much alcohol these girls were pounding. The third girl was the first to start kind of sucking me off a bit and I noticed it felt wayyyyy better than normal. That’s about the moment when I realized they slipped something in my drink. The fourth girl was super touchy feely and I realized they were on whatever the hell it was that I was on, so instead of freaking out and leaving I decided to just go with it.

I stopped giving personal dances after the fourth girl and changed into my sailor outfit for the second routine. I could feel the music moving through me and I knew I was rolling off my ass, but the girls were way into it and I thought I gave a more intimate performance. The bride to be got up just after I gave a sneak peek to the whole crowd. I finished up that routine and was again in that awful mankini so I started giving out lap dances again. I was doing a double for two women who seemed to be just as into each other as they were into me when I heard the bride to be call out my performing name. I turned and I shit you not this girl is standing in the doorway with nothing on but a whip cream bikini. Just like that scene in Varsity Blues. She has a fat stack of Benjamins in her hand and announces that it’s her turn to play with me. I put my mankini back on and walk over to her while the other girls are cheering at the top of their lungs, and she throws the hundreds into my bag on the table and walks up to me and is just kissing the fuck out of me. Normally this is a HUGE no no, but:

  1. This girl was stupidly hot
  2. She was enacting a fantasy I’d had since middle school with the whip cream and
  3. I was absolutely fucked up off my ass.

So I started licking the whip cream off her, then she sucked my dick to get it completely hard, while the other women chanted for her to fuck me. So we Fucked. When we finished she gave me her phone number and told me to keep playing with the other girls. So I did.

This basically ends like one of those stories no one would believe. I ended up fucking 17 of the 23 women there, with all but one of those 23 at least sucking my dick, came in two of them, didn’t leave the house until three thirty in the afternoon, earned just under 4 Grand that night, and the bride-to-be (now bride) and I have met up a couple times at hotels since then because apparently her 70-year-old husband can’t Fuck at all.

So ya. But that was by far the craziest. They normally aren’t like that.

5. This doesn’t end well

I tended bar for a number of years and saw countless bachelorette parties pass through. Dozens at the least, possibly hundreds.

I don’t really know why, but tons of bachelorette parties seem to consist of just bar hopping as opposed to something intentionally debauched like a stripper/strip club.

That doesn’t mean they’re any less fucked up.

I’ve seen countless bridesmaids, brides-to-be and friends go home with just random men. I’ve seen a bride run out of a bathroom and shout about the guy she just fucked to the cheers of her friends.

I caught a bride wearing a stupid little plastic tiara, feather boa, covered in beads and drinking through a penis shaped straw sucking a guy off in our storage room.

The most confusing thing to me is the group approval. There’s almost always one woman that looks on disapprovingly, but in my experience the groups seems to just egg each other to ever more fucked up acts.

6. At a strip club

This was at a strip club. A fat woman, I mean really fat, leaned up against the pole, slid down to her knees, opened up her legs and started masturbating on top of her jeans while making loud orgasm noises. You had to be there to understand the horror.

7. Some girl-on-girl action

I was at a bar and a bachelorette party rolled in and situated themselves right by my group. My friends and I started talking to them and as everyone got drunker, the bride to be mentioned that the one thing she never got to do before getting married was hook up with another girl…apparently in my drunken generosity, I volunteered to help her out with that and some making out ensued.

8. Head injuries

A stripper tried to do a cool move where he did a roundhouse over another girls head. Except he kicked her. She got a concussion and threw up in a trashbag the entire limo ride to the hospital.

9. Arts and crafts

Carved penises out of giant cucumber using only out teeth. The cucumber penises were then judged, the most realistic won.

10. Really drunk

The couple of times I’ve ran into bachelorette parties while out and about, this pretty much sums up the experience.

11. Disturbing things

I’m a limo driver. I drove a large group of women to the strip club (female dancers). The bride to be was large, at least 300 lbs. The girls drag her on stage, do their thing, get her shirt off revealing her enormous breasts. She has a girl sucking on each tit. Surprise! She’s lactating. One of the strippers gets freaked out, but the other is way into it. She starts squirting the milk all over herself.

12. A regular old shitshow

Ugh this is the worst, okay, somewhat non-related but:

So I was co-maid-of-honor with our other best friend and over all the months leading up to the wedding sucked hard. My friend is a nice person but kind of turned bridezilla and the other maid of honor pretty much spent all of her time trying to one-up me and make me look like the lesser friend.

The night of the bachelorette party I was just like.. whatever. I just wanted to get fucked up. I’m more of a partier than the other two were so I knew it would be me wanting to stay out until 5 a.m. and them wanting to call it a night at 12:30 – but it got better…

Turns out her husband-to-be was having his bachelor party on the exact same night and the bride spent the entire night before we all left (us girls were going to a male strip club, the 5 boys were going to a female strip club) complaining to her fiance about how she wasn’t okay with him touching another girl, looking at other girls, etc. etc. I just rolled my eyes and kept to myself thinking, “ah this is going to be a shit-show.”

So we get to the male strip club when the bride decides she wants to bail and go to where the men are at. Okay, HORRIBLE idea but yeah! Let’s do it.

We went and the boys all looked at us like… wtf are you all here? The bride spent 20 minutes inside before she left in a rage and ended up crying in the parking lot, screaming at her fiance while the other maid of honor tried to calm her down. I went out to console her, but to be honest, I didn’t feel bad because 1) her fiance wasn’t acting inappropriate by any means in my opinion and 2) we were going to a male strip club anyway, so it seemed a bit hypocritical to be so upset.
I just kind of was like, fuck this and went back inside to watch the strippers with the rest of the guys. The whole night was pretty much ruined and we all felt awful and didn’t know what to say or do.

For the record, they divorced after two year of marriage and I don’t talk to the bride any more (she was my best friend since kindergarten before this.)

13. Getting awkward How-Tos by your aunt

I was 18 when I went to My sister-in-law’s Bachelorette party. Me and my younger sister were bridesmaids so we were invited to the party we had no business being at. well we knew that it would be kind of uncomfortable for us to be around my sister in law talking about sex and stuff but that didn’t stop us.
Most of the games we played were pretty tame we didnt hear much that would make us feel awkward, thats until we got to the game never have I ever.

We were laughing, drinking, generally having an awesome time. There was about 8 people playing. My younger sister, my sister in law, my aunt, two of my cousins, a couple of my Sil’s friends and myself. We get through half the game and thats when I realized my Aunt was a whore. It sounds mean but she said it first so…. lol well you have to picture my aunt, she’s about 5’7 and over 200 pounds. Shes a big lady but damn, she gets a lot of ass. A couple of the things I learned about my aunt that day was shes had sex at an elementary school, she conceived my cousin in her ex’s car behind a Macy’s, another one of her exs got pulled over while she was giving him head.

The highlight of the whole evening was my aunt giving my sister in law pointers on how to give good head. She included movements you should make and noises. oh god, my poor little sister looked so freaked out.

It was hilarious. I never thought my Aunt would be that open to her sexuality, it was weird im not gonna lie but, damn it was also the funniest thing.

14. Weird strippers

No lie: a male stripper dressed as a baby. The most depressing thing you could think of.

Here was this fine Native American dude, long straight hair, body to die for, and smooth brown skin…in footie pajamas and a BONNET. Worst of all, he had a plastic baby bottle he pretended to pee from.

And then he stripped. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.

15. Party crashers

After getting kicked out of a family restaurant for blowing up a giant inflatable penis, we took the bachelorette, a former Hooters waitress, to the world’s lamest club. It had a bucking bronco and ladders on the bar to encourage people to dance on it.

Naturally, we all got up to dance on the bar, and one of the bachelorette’s Hooters coworkers had the bright idea to yank down the bachelorette’s tube top, exposing her hooters to the club. My friend was humiliated and burst into tears. Another friend and I helped her down from the bar and lead her to a corner of the club so she could recover.

Two smooth dudes, having seen my friend’s (admittedly excellent) breasts, made their way over and tried to put the moves on her. Please note my friend was still crying and wearing one of those cheap wedding veils people wear at their bachelorette parties. It was very obvious she was not only not single, but really upset. We told them to go away. Several times. Somehow, they couldn’t figure out they weren’t going to get anywhere and were hanging around like a bad smell.

Then I spotted it: the giant inflatable penis, which somehow had not been abandoned in all the drama. I picked it up and started hitting these idiots over the head with it. Not hard enough to hurt them–it was, after all, an inflatable penis–but insistently. The look of real fear on their faces as they were hustling away from us was something I’ll never forget.

16. David Attenborough here

I heard it explained as this – the point of strippers as a tradition at bachelor/bachelorette parties is to hit you with the final temptations of single life. The best man/maid of honor is the devil’s advocate against getting married; they are supposed to test the betrothed to prove their commitment by leading them to all the temptations of single life and letting them prove they are ready to give it up. The groom/bride gains the respect of their closest friends and allies by passing this test, and signals to the group that they really are ready and that the group should respect that choice going forward.

Following the bachelor/bachelorette party this group of comrades officially takes on a new role in your life. They are no longer your wingmen assisting you with getting laid; they are your support structure for being faithful to your marriage.

The folks who cheat during the bachelor/bachelorette party are the ones who fail the test, and who demonstrate that they are not ready for the temptations they will inevitably face throughout their marriage.

That’s one interpretation of it, anyway. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/hok-leahcim/2014/07/29-people-on-scams-that-you-should-be-aware-of-so-you-can-do-to-avoid-them-in-the-future/ 29 People On Scams That You Should Be Aware Of (So You Can Do To Avoid Them In The Future) | Thought Catalog

    […] Read this: 16 Women On The Most Insane Thing They’ve Seen At A Bachelorette Party Read this: High Frequency Trading Is Just Another Wall Street Scam Read this: Girls Gone Wild Scammed My Dad Cataloged in […]

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/hok-leahcim/2014/07/17-limo-drivers-dish-out-their-best-of-craziest-most-ridiculous-stories-while-on-the-job/ 17 Limo Drivers Dish Out Their Best-Of, Craziest, Most Ridiculous Stories While On The Job | Thought Catalog

    […] Read this: This Interactive Data Visualization Map Of A Life Of A New York City Taxi Is Mesmerizing Read this: 16 Women On The Most Insane Thing They’ve Seen At A Bachelorette Party Cataloged […]

blog comments powered by Disqus