Thought Catalog

Read This When All You Want Is A Relationship, But You Just Can’t Seem To Make It Happen

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Ryan Franco

How many of you are so committed to the fantasies and insanities of relationships that no matter how much it’s NOT working for you, you keep trying? Still waiting for Prince Charming. Still looking for your soul mate. Still trying to follow what the people around you say about how relationships should be.

This reality tries to shove you in a box. The box of normalcy. The box of consistency. The box of sameness. The box of trying to be like everybody else. Take a look around. How many happy relationships do you see? Yeah, there aren’t too many. Perhaps the box isn’t working?

Getting out of the box is about going beyond the limitations that others function from. It’s creating beyond the points of view that have been impelled on you from parents, teachers, friends, family, colleagues, culture and society so that you can create what YOU desire. Even if no one else gets it or likes it. Even in your relationship.

Here are three tips to get you out of the box of relationship so you can create one that would be fun for you:

1. Get clear on what you actually desire

Would you be willing to take an honest look at what you desire? Do you actually want a relationship? Or is it something you’ve decided you’re supposed to have because someone told you so?

If you do desire a relationship, how would you like it to be? If there were no rules, if there were no restrictions, if you allowed yourself to go outside of the box, what would work for you?

2. Stop judging you

Once you are clear on what you desire, no matter how different it may be, don’t judge it. What if you’re not wrong? No matter what. Regardless of what you’ve ever chosen. Regardless of what you will choose in the future. What if you could be in total allowance of all of your choices?

Most of us have spent a lot of time judging ourselves and we are really good at it. If you would like to stop judging you, start asking, “What’s right about me that I’m not getting?” Ask and keep asking. This question will allow you to look from another perspective; a perspective that sees the gift of you rather than the wrongness of you.

3. Choose

Your choice is a powerful thing. Your choice creates. If you would like to create the life you desire, not based on anyone else’s points of view, you’ve got to start choosing different.

A tool that you can use to get better at making choices is to choose in 10-second increments. Here’s how it works: You have 10 seconds to live the rest of your life. What do you choose? Ok, that lifetime is over, you have 10 seconds to live the rest of your life, what do you choose?

As you practice choosing in 10-second increments, what you desire as your life, what you desire in relationship, what is fun for you will become clear. Choose. Awareness increases. Choose again. More awareness. Choose again.

Everywhere that you’re trying to be normal, average and the same as everyone else, would you be willing to let that go? What if your life and living could be an adventure? What if your relationship could be far greater than anything you’ve ever seen? It can be. The question is, will you choose it? TC mark

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