Thought Catalog

15 Text Messages You Wish You Could Send

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1. To your former friend: “I really am sorry. I’m just too embarrassed to try and talk to you again, but I mean it. I think about you all the time but my pride won’t let me apologize.”

2. To your ex: “Fuck you forever and your dick is small.”

3. To someone you want to hook up with: “just so there’s no confusion, you can have sex with me whenever you want. like legit whenever. just come over. ;) ;) ;)”

4. To your parents: “Heeeey parents. Have I told you guys you look BEAUTIFUL today and are like, the best parents ever? Can I borrow some money?”

5. To your crush: “Hey. I like you. I think you like me. Let’s just be adults about this and stop dancing around it. Do you want to go on a date?”

6. To an old flame: “Hey, just randomly walked by your neighborhood and was thinking of you. Okay, I did it on purpose so I could send this text. This is my excuse to reach out.”

7. To your friend who ALWAYS bails: “I swear to Loki if you bail on me again when I am already at the place we were planning on going, I will come to your house and light you on fire, kk?”

8. To your boyfriend: “As much as I appreciate emoticons and the odd ‘Ok,’ I’m gonna need you to reply with actual words sometimes, plz. Like, real words, you caveman.”

9. To your favorite person to drunk-text: “Heeeey, about those weird texts I sent last night, uh, my phone was hacked okay gotta go bye.”

10. To Domino’s: “Hi new Domino’s Text-A-Pizza app, I’d like to text for one large cheese pizza please. This is the greatest invention of all time.”

11. To your roommate: “i can hear you having sex btw.”

12. To everyone who wrecked your place at the party you threw last night: “How about all of you assholes come back and help me clean up?”

13. As a reply to an ex or someone who led you on (Sick burn!): “Sry, you have the wrong number!”

14. To a person who looks way better than you at a party: “Um hey would you mind hiding in the bathroom or something for the rest of the night?”

15. To the entire cast of The Avengers “You up?” TC Mark

image – auremar
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Cut yourself some slack. One of the biggest regrets most people have about their 20s is that they didn’t enjoy them more. And I’m not talking about “buy more expensive dinners, take another trip to Thailand” type of enjoyment. I mean having the ability to take a deep breath and sip coffee in the morning knowing that you have done, and are doing, your best.

“These essays are slowly changing my life, as the title promises. As my friends’ birthday come along, they will all be receiving a copy of this wonderful book.” – Janie

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    Reblogged this on The Mirthful Muse.

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    Reblogged this on a little corner of my mind. and commented:
    fuck I love number 3 lol this is so true n funny also

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    Reblogged this on Sudsie's Spot and commented:
    totally relevant

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