10 Ways You’re Making Finding Love Harder Than It Has To Be

Franca Gimenez
Franca Gimenez

Judging other people’s relationships harshly

There’s a cosmic universal law that you cannot judge yourself less harshly than you judge others. If you constantly focus on the shortcomings others have and the flaws in their relationships, you will inevitably focus on your ownflaws and the shortcomings in your relationship. The quickest way to be unhappy with yourself and your relationships is to allow yourself to constantly be unhappy with others and their relationships. Break the cycle and learn how to be happy with yourself and what you have to offer and love your partner (or potential partner) despite their flaws.

Being closed to it (and not realizing that you are)

Living life open to people and experiences looks very different than living it being closed and focusing on maintaining the status quo. And there’s a reason you can go through your day to day life closed to new experiences — it’s exhausting to being vulnerable all the time! But if you want to grow, if you want to add new opportunities and people to your life, you have to be conscious of making yourself say “yes” more than you say “no.”

Writing great potential loves off because they don’t line up with your list

Lists are great, they help us think about what is important to us. But they are suggestions, not rules. No one should be rejecting someone from their life because they don’t fit their wish list exactly (or even mostly). Dealbreakers should be few, far-between, and negotiable. Err on the side of compromise, not writing someone off.

Not making friends along the way

I often hear girlfriends express the attitude “I’m not looking for friends” when meeting new guys. What they mean is that they want a real relationship with someone or nothing at all. I think it’s a mistake not to be open to friendship, you could be missing out on one of the great (platonic) loves of your life! Or, the person who will introduce you to a romantic love interest. No one has “enough” friends — be open to bringing more people into your life.

Assuming it will happen (too) naturally

Everything worth doing is difficult. If you want to find love you are going to have to put yourself in some uncomfortable situations. No one is going to drop from the sky and fit themselves seamlessly into your life. This doesn’t make it “unnatural” or “trying too hard” it just makes it something worth working for.

Putting off the search until all your ducks are in a row

And here lies the great spoiler alert of becoming an adult: your ducks will never be in a row. At least, not all of them at the same time. There will always be some reason to put off getting serious about finding (or keeping) someone. At some point you have to be okay with being an imperfect person and asking someone to love you anyway.

Holding on to bad relationships

Don’t settle for a friends-with-benefits type situation if you want more. Your partner won’t respect you for settling for less than you want and you’ll just end up wasting a lot of time you could be using to meet a better match.

Being too focused on themselves

Being focused completely on what you want can make you come off a bit selfish, even if you aren’t. For instance, what is your attitude like when you are on a first date — are you trying to show the other person how interesting, loving and fun to be around you can be? Or are you reserved, spending it thinking about whether this person is good enough for you and whether you can picture them being a part of your life. Whichever attitude you have, it is sending a vibe to your date about the kind of person you are.

They’re writing up too much of the population

Not all men are tall, dark, handsome and successful. Not all women are short and stick-thin with giant boobs. There are huge populations of (awesome) people who don’t fit these descriptions. Open your eyes to them.

They are waiting for someone to fix them

You don’t have to wait around to find your perfect romantic match to love and have love. If you want love in your life, start loving people. It’s really that simple. Be a loving person. Love your friends, even when they are annoying. Be loving and generous with strangers, even when they don’t deserve it. Be the kind of person who is easy to love, because they are so loving with others. TC mark

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