Daniel Hayes

“Just as he glanced up to find the source of this strange noise a pair of large, talon-like claws grabbed onto the back of his shoulders, tearing his shirt and sending him crashing to the ground.”

Trump’s hair scares them more than anything he’s said.

Much has been said about Trump’s former Democratic leanings but now we can see exactly how much he’s really changed.

She says “don’t fucking touch me!”

People forget, Donald Trump is old. His values are 50s values because that’s when he grew up.

If he wore a white hat he was in a good mood. If he wore a red hat, look out.

“Trump is a different kind of bad.”

“So is someone gonna kill trump before or after the election? People go on the fritz for no reason, the guy is begging for it.”

Donald Trump stands to be the largest new cause of suicide in 2016. That is, if he’s elected.

“She was from Israel and he invited her to his hotel room.”

He’s not going to be doing a Hitler down Pennsylvania Avenue any time soon (or ever).

Trump is the only presidential candidate in the history of the country to have the press (specifically CNN) ask their wife about their husband’s penis size